Universal Soldier: The Return Blu-ray Movie

Rating summary

Movie		1.0
Video		2.5
Audio		4.0
Extras		1.5
Overall		2.0

Universal Soldier: The Return Blu-ray Movie Review

Ridiculous dialogue, over-the-top action, and poor acting make Jean-Claude a dull boy.

Reviewed by Martin Liebman April 6, 2009

I'm just warming up.

It's always odd to come across an R-rated movie that sets its sights on a demographic too young to legally see the movie in theaters. Universal Solider: The Return is a movie that is likely to appeal to younger, pre-adolescent boys with a thirst for inane action and things blowing up all over the screen. It offers a paper-thin plot, ridiculous dialogue, plenty of gunplay, big explosions, and a few poor special effects -- everything a growing boy needs. Starring a still-sculpted, still-flexible, and still-mediocre-actor Jean-Claude Van Damme (Maximum Risk), martial artist Michael Jai White (Spawn), and pro wrestler Bill Goldberg, Universal Soldier: The Return has "bad movie" written all over it. The truth is, it's an abysmal picture but one that does all it sets out to do, which is provide 80 minutes of wall-to-wall action for fans to absorb. A mindless time-killer at best and a substandard sequel to a slightly-above-average Action picture at worst, Universal Soldier: The Return is irrelevant entertainment with virtually nothing going for it that can't be found -- and done better -- in hundreds of other movies.

This is your brain on 'Universal Soldier: The Return.'

Luc Deveraux (Van Damme) is no longer a Universal Soldier. He's been returned to natural human form but continues to work in the UniSol program, a program that has developed re-animated soldiers that are more advanced than ever before. While still under the guise of the U.S. Military, a supercomputer named S.E.T.H. oversees the entirety of the program and controls the soldiers. When word comes down that the government is cutting military spending and that the UniSol program is on the chopping block, S.E.T.H. goes into self-preservation mode, commanding the UniSols, led by Romeo (Goldberg), to overthrow the humans at the base. S.E.T.H., in its infinite wisdom, didn't count on Deveraux and intrepid local television reporter Erin Young (Heidi Schanz) playing spoiler, and must acquire a human body (White) with which to physically defeat the former UniSol and win the day.

For a movie that offers virtually nothing other than nonstop action packed inside a brief 83 minute runtime, Universal Soldier: The Return is particularly dull and slow. The most obvious defect is the film's repetitive feel; shot after shot seem virtually identical, with stoic UniSols blankly gazing at their enemies and nonchalantly firing their weapons. For whatever reason, the UniSol "grunts" are practically zombies with a firm trigger finger, while those that are played by name actors are assigned monikers, personalities, and dialogue. When the film isn't showing repetitive gun battles between Army regulars and UniSols, the film subjects the audience to a seemingly nonstop chase scene where Deveraux and Young (herself seemingly a carbon copy of a similar character played by Ally Walker in the first film) are on the run from the witty*, large, and in-charge Romeo. Unfortunately, Universal Soldier: The Return doesn't seem to understand that a good action sequence requires more than a million gunshots, several big explosions, and headache-inducing hard rock music accompaniment. The film just has "cheap" written all over it, from poorly-designed prop guns to generic costumes and sets. Universal Soldier: The Return adds insult to injury, opening Kobayashi Maru-style and concluding with a Terminator 2-esque finale, sans good special effects.

*Not so much, unless dialogue that would even sound bad coming from Mr. Freeze's polar opposite may be considered as such.

Universal Soldier: The Return Blu-ray Movie, Video Quality 

Universal Soldier: The Return features a lackluster 1080p, 1.85:1-framed transfer. The transfer is rather dark, slightly hazy, uninspired, and plenty grainy. Colors are decent, certainly not too bright but not too dark, either. Most seem obscured under the many nighttime exterior shots and the rather poorly-lit interiors of the military facility where much of the action takes place. Fine detail is acceptable but underwhelming throughout. Black levels are decent, and flesh tones tend towards a shade of red. This is not a bad transfer, just a dull one. The material gives the disc little to work with, and this is likely the best fans are going to see Universal Soldier: The Return for a very long time.

Universal Soldier: The Return Blu-ray Movie, Audio Quality 

At least it sounds good. Universal Soldier: The Return features a raucous and fairly entertaining Dolby TrueHD 5.1 soundtrack that keeps the blood flowing when the movie otherwise lulls viewers to sleep. Surround speakers are used to full effect in the action sequences. Sound moves seamlessly around the stage through much of the film, beginning with the opening watercraft chase. Water splashes in every corner of the room, leaving listeners satisfied with the experience, getting all but wet out of the experience. Bass kicks in nicely, presented at a level that is neither too low nor too destructive. The accompanying hard rock music plays clearly and crisply across the front soundstage. Gunshots are particularly impressive throughout; a shootout in a boiler room features reverberations coming all around the soundstage. Dialogue reproduction is strong. While the movie leaves much to be desired, its soundtrack is the lone bright spot.

Universal Soldier: The Return Blu-ray Movie, Special Features and Extras 

Universal Soldier: The Return hits Blu-ray with only a few supplements. The Making of 'Universal Solider: The Return' (480p, 4:44) is a brief promo piece for the film, featuring clips from the film and behind-the-scenes footage intermixed with interview snippets with stars Jean-Claude Van Damme, Michael Jai White, Bill Goldberg, Kiana Tom, and Heidi Schanz, Producer Craig Baumgarten, and Director Mic Rodgers. Michael Jai White (480p, 4:04) features the star sharing the secrets of his physical fitness routine. Jean-Claude Van Damme: Looking Back-Moving Forward (480p, 12:09) is a brief retrospective on the star's personal life and film career. Finally, this disc includes BD-Live (Blu-ray profile 2.0) functionality and 1080p trailers for The Fall, Dragon Wars, and The Da Vinci Code: Extended Cut.

Universal Soldier: The Return Blu-ray Movie, Overall Score and Recommendation 

Sadly, Universal Soldier: The Return fails to capture the spirit of its predecessor. While by no means a classic, Universal Soldier is a decent all-around Action film with a good story and engaging battle sequences. This sequel falters on practically every front. The dialogue is atrocious, the action bland and repetitive, the acting uninspired, and the plot reaching for the bare minimum to keep the guns running and the explosions big and loud. The film makes for passable popcorn entertainment in an emergency situation where a ten-hour Jane Austen adaptation is the only other option available, but next to other movies of its kind, it's easily one of the lesser ones. Sony delivers Universal Soldier: The Return to Blu-ray with average results. The picture is uninspired, the sound is fairly good, and the supplements are few. Worth a rental for the curious.