The Love Guru Blu-ray Movie

Rating summary

Movie		0.5
Video		4.5
Audio		3.0
Extras		2.0
Overall		1.5

The Love Guru Blu-ray Movie Review

A waste of a perfectly good BD-50.

Reviewed by Martin Liebman September 3, 2008

No quote from the movie was worth mentioning at the top of this review.

Even when I expect the absolute worst from a movie, I go into the review with an open mind. I try to push aside any negativity that follows the earlier theatrical screenings of a particular picture. Generally, the majority opinion proves correct and the movie turns out to be a disaster, but sometimes I find myself pleasantly surprised, as was the case with Prom Night. Enter The Love Guru. Within seconds the movie began to confirm just how awful it really is. It's so bad, in fact, that I am surprised I made it 40 minutes without taking a substantial break. Beleaguered and beaten, bored and bilious, I succumbed to the temptation to pause it, and, as I stood up from the couch to go outside, to feel the breeze against my body, and to allow the daylight to penetrate my senses, and to remember that life really is good when a Mike Myers movie isn't playing in front of your face, I noted that I had paused the disc on a scene featuring star Verne Troyer offering an obscene gesture to another on-screen character. How very appropriate that the movie would leave me with such a thought as I exited the room in search of a reprieve, any reprieve. A swarm of fire ants sounded good. I thought I'd head into my back yard and see if I could stir some up. At least I'd know I was alive.

I was wondering where this movie was going.

It's the Toronto Maple Leafs versus the Los Angeles Kings in the Stanley Cup final, and the Leafs' star forward, Darren Roanoke (Romany Malco, Baby Mama) has recently lost his wife Prudence (Meagan Good, One Missed Call) to Kings' goaltender Jacques Grande (Justin Timberlake). Roanoke has also lost his touch, so as the finals are set to commence, the team's owner, Jane Bullard (Jessica Alba, The Eye) recruits the famed Guru Pitka (Mike Meyers, the Austin Powers trilogy) to work his magic on Roanoke and restore his confidence so the star can lead his team to a Cup victory. Meanwhile, Guru Pitka is in competition with another guru (Deepak Chopra) who is ranked #1 because he has been on Oprah. If Pitka can restore Roanoak'e marriage, Oprah will have him on her show, and he will be propelled to #1 guru status. Will the guru work his magic on the star athlete? More importantly, will the guru learn that fame and prominence is not the only reason for being a guru?

The Love Guru is almost completely devoid of laughs, and the film is an insult to the comedy genre. I will admit to chuckling here and there, but that's like being rewarded with a single chocolate chip after having to eat a year's worth of brussels sprouts; the reward is not worth the suffering. The Love Guru is mind-numbingly stupid and is sure to kill off the majority of your brain cells. This film should be avoided at all costs. Seeing some hockey in high definition was definitely the highlight for me, but if you don't like hockey, chances are there will be absolutely nothing at all to like about The Love Guru. Even hockey fans will find plenty to roll their eyes about. Since when do referees suspend players for subsequent games right there on the ice? That's handled by the league office, but I digress. The film is so completely predictable that anyone who has ever seen how a movie of this genre works could have written it. When Pitka fixes Roanoke, the Leafs win the Stanley Cup, and the guru gets the girl, is anyone surprised in the least? Generally, with these sorts of movies it's the journey that takes us to the tired payoff that makes the movie worth watching. Not so here. The only payoff is that every second that goes by is one less second remaining in the film.

I'm certain there are worse movies than The Love Guru, somewhere, maybe a high school film class project, although that comment is not fair to dedicated students of film in the world's high schools. It's almost incomprehensible that Ben Kingsley would lend his talents to The Love Guru, or that the great Morgan Freeman would provide a few lines of voiceover that bookends the film. Maybe Ben and Morgan were not told that their work was for a Mike Myers project. Mike Myers is completely unfunny, and his is an ignominious performance. He also co-wrote the film with Graham Gordy (his first major film credit) and the movie is a nonstop barrage of crude toilet humor and sex jokes that haven't been funny since the time of Animal House or Porky's. If you make it this far through the film, look at the dumbfounded, stupefied look on everyone's faces during a scene involving two elephants and a guru (don't ask). That jaw-agape reaction is the perfect way to summarize the movie. The other acting performances are decent enough. Romany Malco as Darren Roanoke is the best the movie has to offer. His performance is acceptable, and that is the extent of the praise I can offer to The Love Guru. To cap things off, we're "treated" to an extended song and dance sequence at the end of the film, reminding me of the "other" worst movie I have ever seen, Meet the Spartans. Thank goodness the movie is over.

The Love Guru Blu-ray Movie, Video Quality 

The only reason to watch The Love Guru is to revel in the eye popping brilliant sheen that this 1080p, 2.39:1 transfer offers. Almost every shot throughout the movie offers pure high definition eye candy with bright, vibrant colors, excellent depth, and fabulous textures. As a new movie, the print is absolutely pristine. Like so many other comedies of recent vintage, The Love Guru features slightly over-exaggerated colors, much like a new big box of Crayolas (Crayolas have the advantage, too, of an odor much more pleasant that that of The Love Guru). By nature the combination of new movie and brilliant colors should shine on Blu-ray, and this one certainly does. Whether we are looking at the nearly solid blue of the Toronto Maple Leafs' jerseys, the yellow and brown featured on the Guru's garb, the pristine white of the ice, or the darker, slightly more conservative browns and tans of the elegant interiors seen in the movie, the transfer boldly renders each one to nice effect. Likewise, the many locales in the movie look great from a fine detail perspective. Check out the interior of The Guru's ashram. It looks deep and natural with wonderful textures and offers an incredible realism that places us on the set. Even small details look great. The rooster the Guru fights outside Jacque's house is seen up-close for a moment, and the lines and fine details of its face and body look marvelous. Facial detail is excellent in close-up shots, and the scrutiny of the 1080p transfer makes the Guru's beard look even more fake. Flesh tones appear spot-on, and black levels are true. Softness around the edges of the frame on some shots is noticeable, and there is a lack of sharpness on some medium and long distance objects as well, proving to be the one downside to the transfer. While The Love Guru is a truly terrible movie, it looks very nice on Blu-ray.

The Love Guru Blu-ray Movie, Audio Quality 

The Love Guru doesn't work any magic through its rather bland Dolby TrueHD 5.1 lossless sound mix. This presentation is mostly front-heavy, as expected of a comedy, with a few gimmicky effects coming from the back, such as when a voice snaps Guru Pitka out of a daydream in chapter five. Dialogue is strong with no volume or clarity problems, and musical cues are nicely played across the front soundstage. The choir practice we hear briefly in chapter 10 offers a very nice, room filling listen. Ambient crowd noise at the hockey games is impressive. Otherwise, there is very little in the way of atmospherics and the track is uninteresting. The sound is fine for this style of film, with a quality that progresses the movie without becoming a distraction.

The Love Guru Blu-ray Movie, Special Features and Extras 

Fortunately, The Love Guru's supplemental material is short and uninteresting. Mike Myers and the Love Guru - An Inside Look (1080p, 9:35) is first. This is a basic piece where the cast and crew talk up the film. Myers discusses the character, his origins, and his development over time. As the feature goes on, various cast members discuss their characters and thoughts on the film. One Hellava Elephant (1080p, 5:44) is a look at the special effects work that went into some of the film's elephant scenes. Hockey Training for Actors (1080p, 8:03) is the most interesting feature on the disc. It delves into shooting on the ice, the attempt to bring authenticity to the film's hockey sequences, and Romany Malco's training to learn how to look like the next Wayne Gretzky or Bobby Orr (or Mario Lemieux or Sidney Corsby, coming from a lifelong Penguins fan). Ten deleted and extended scenes and an alternate ending (1080p, 13:46) are next, and are followed by a series of bloopers (1080p, 3:48). Back in the Booth With Trent and Jay (1080p, 5:08) is a series of additional scenes featuring the sports commentators featured in the film. Wrapping up the features on disc one are a series of outtakes (1080p, 10:14) and the film's theatrical trailer (1080p, 2:31). Disc two of this set contains a digital copy of the film for playback on personal computers and select portable video devices.

The Love Guru Blu-ray Movie, Overall Score and Recommendation 

The Love Guru is the kind of movie that makes movie reviewers think twice about their career choice. Surely working as a crash test dummy couldn't be this bad. We reviewers move on, though, and knowing that I shall soon receive screeners of Zombie Strippers and In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale strengthens my resolve, keeps my head up, and my fingers furiously typing away on my keyboard. As far as The Love Guru on Blu-ray is concerned, the movie is terrible, but Paramount has provided a good video transfer, a run-of-the-mill comedy-style lossless soundtrack, and a handful of supplements for the fans. None of it is worth your time, however. This is a disc to avoid.