Rating summary

Movie		0.5
Video		2.0
Audio		1.5
Extras		0.0
Overall		1.0

Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus Blu-ray Movie Review

Mega Bore vs. Giant Sleepiness.

Reviewed by Martin Liebman February 26, 2012

Two prehistorical creatures suddenly and mysteriously unleashed upon the world.

There may be a few movies out there -- both of the SyFy/Asylum and the bigger mainstream varieties -- that are absolutely, undeniably worse than Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus, but this low-rent Monster movie certainly gives them company at the very bottom of the cinematic trash heap. Here's a movie -- despite its fan-pleasing title -- that's nothing less than garbage cinema, a movie so repulsive and mind-numblingly awful that it can't even approach the corny/laughable/so-bad-its-good level of filmdom. No, this one is the definition of a clunker, a cheap production of enormous lethargy and terrible craftsmanship. It's a movie with an almost negative pace, atrocious acting, sloppy direction, and unbelievably bad special effects, all of these classic SyFy/Asylum traits. Yet somehow this one manages not a shred of charm, not even a hint of something better. Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus might be appeal to audiences based only on its goofy title, but beyond that there's nothing -- nothing -- of value here, unless someone, somewhere, values sheer sadistic cinematic awfulness, almost pure visual torture, above all else.

Yes, they are in fact in the movie.

Off the Alaskan coast, glaciers are crumbling at an alarming rate. Underneath the centuries-old ice lie Mega Shark and Giant Octopus, two extraordinarily large creatures forever locked in frozen, inanimate combat -- until now. The two foes are quickly thawed and go their separate ways, destroying both Japanese and American maritime interests as they swim towards their destines. Meanwhile, American scientist Emma MacNeil (Deborah Gibson) is called to the scene of a mysterious occurrence: a massive whale has washed ashore in California, its body badly mutilated. MacNeil finds inside of one of the wounds a giant tooth that, with the help of her old college professor Lamar Sanders (Sean Lawlor), she learns comes from none other than Megalodon, an enormous and long-extinct species of shark. She's also working with a Japanese scientist named Seiji Shimada (Vic Chao) who is investigating the damage left in the octopus' wake. As they piece together the puzzle and formulate a theory of what it is they're up against, they must find a way to force the two rivals into a battle to the death, for it's clear that even man's most advanced weapons don't stand chance against these ancient beasts.

It's a sad state of affairs when 2-Headed Shark Attack actually looks good in comparison to something. Whether that's a sign that The Asylum has significantly progressed in a relatively short time or that Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus is really that bad is up for debate, but chances are the answer lies somewhere in the middle, favoring the latter. Most of these movies, it would seem, are made around a title, not a story. That's a double-edged sword. After all, who wouldn't be drawn to something called Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus? Sure it has "cheap" and "corny" written all over it, but considering the potential for campy coolness, one can't resist its calling. The only problem is that the filmmakers have to deliver on some level. Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus doesn't. This is an almost incomprehensibly bad movie. Much of it doesn't even make sense, and even when it does, the execution is such that, well, execution might still be the preferred alternative to watching this one through to the end. Random romance angles, non-laughs and throwaway puns, an odd Scooby-Doo vibe in the middle of the movie, and several attempts at flexing intellectual muscles that yield wet noodles rather than bulky biceps all contribute to the head-scratching structure that spends almost all but about one or two minutes of the movie showing the people and not the title characters.

And therein lies the real problem. Even in those fleeting moments where Mega Shark and Giant Octopus are the center of attention, the special effects prove so laughably bad that one can't even get into the movie when the smallest of windows opens up. Some of this stuff looks like it was taken off a cheap video game from the mid-1990s, such as a scene of the shark's tail fin approaching a naval destroyer. The two choice shots -- the octopus swatting a plane out of the sky for no reason and the shark taking a bite out of the Golden Gate Bridge for no reason -- are the highlights, but again, they're too fast and so fuzzy and poorly executed that the magic never materializes. The underwater battle scenes are brief and murky, through there's a good chance that Deborah Gibson and Director Jack Perez have lulled the audience into a deep sleep by the time those scenes roll around. Just as dumbfounding, the film's flashy, headache-inducing style just never fits. Whether montages made largely of flashing shots or random rapid dissolves to black-and-white and back to color, it seems the direction is attempting to be chaotic just for the sake of being chaotic, to add some sort of energy to a lifeless movie. The acting is terrible and the script is severely wanting. The film recycles some of the naval sets, the same location standing in for different ships from different countries. That's not even to mention some of the controls that are clearly made out of construction paper. This thing is just a disaster from beginning to end. No rhythm, little Mega Shark, almost no Giant Octopus, a movie where everything that could be wrong is wrong.

Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus Blu-ray Movie, Video Quality 

Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus sometimes passes itself off as an acceptable high definition transfer, but generally there's something amiss up on the screen. Of course the film was shot digitally; the end result is a flat, lifeless picture, its very source not helping mediocre detailing and poor colors. Indeed, fine detail is hit and, mostly, miss. Facial texture are sometimes adequate, bright scenes yield decent clarity on Navy ship bulkheads, and heavier clothes sport a few distinct textures, but generally there's little to this one. Colors are drab and lifeless, washed out and never vibrant. Unfortunately, the image is plagued by a host of technical issues. Banding and blocking -- both underwater and above -- are frequent. Darker scenes are plagued by noise. Jagged edges and edge halos aren't commonplace, but are seen sporadically. The image sometimes goes a bit soft. The second half of the movie often features a steady line of noise running across the bottom of the frame. It's not an epic disaster of a transfer, but it's certainly sloppy and it's clear the film has been released to Blu-ray with no care for the end result.

Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus Blu-ray Movie, Audio Quality 

Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus features a terrible DTS-HD MA 2.0 lossless soundtrack. Occasionally, the track delivers adequate clarity and range, but such occurrences are the exception to the rule. Dialogue presentation is, to be kind, atrocious. It can sound shallow, muddled, detached, or any combination thereof. It's sometimes lost under heavier effects. Deborah Gibson once even sounds as if she's underwater and speaks with a terrible lisp. Just as disheartening is that dialogue is terribly unbalanced, seeming to come from the sides rather than the center of the soundstage. Music clarity is lacking, but acceptable at the end of the day considering how awful the dialogue sounds. Bass is rather sloppy, but blasts from heavy naval guns do enjoy a decent presence. This disc has some of the worst dialogue ever to make it to a Blu-ray, and considering that's the most critical element, the track may labeled as a disaster.

Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus Blu-ray Movie, Special Features and Extras 

This Blu-ray release of Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus contains no special features.

Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus Blu-ray Movie, Overall Score and Recommendation 

Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus sets the standard for menacing adjective-animal noun modern day cheap "vs." monster movie titles. Sadly the title is all this one has going for it. Few movies are as atrociously paced and uninteresting as this. Awful special effects, bad styling, lousy acting, and too little time with the title characters adds up to a disaster of a movie that will challenge even the most stalwart fan of low-budget cinema garbage to make it through without a break or ten. Echo Bridge's Blu-ray release features highly problematic video, awful audio, and no supplements of any kind. Stay far away from this one.