Rating summary

Movie		3.5
Video		4.0
Audio		3.0
Extras		3.5
Overall		3.5

Crabs! Blu-ray Movie Review

Reviewed by Jeffrey Kauffman January 21, 2023

Crabs! is ridiculous. There, I've said it, and I'm glad. "Ridiculous" isn't necessarily a bad thing for a monster movie spoof, and Crabs! plays up the utterly preposterous aspects of films like The Blob (and/or The Blob) which see some patently absurd creature(s) attack an isolated town with only some plucky teenagers (and a few probably dimwitted adults) standing the way of absolute ruin. In this case, it's mutated horseshoe crabs instead of gelatinous goo, but the result is largely the same, with the crabs taking out any number of hapless citizens before comeuppance is served. Crabs! has a number of decent laughs to recommend it, but it's the film's undeniable if unexpected heart that may be one of its chief assets.

Two people are frolicking sexually on the beach when a bizarre creature slinks up next to them and then after a few interstitial moments attaches itself to the guy's face, resulting in the first (but most certainly not the last) scene of bounteous blood letting. This opening sequence is grotesque but also quite funny (especially with its blackout "sting") and properly sets the tone for a film that, to put it mildly, isn't taking itself seriously. Soon enough we're introduced to the focal character, a young paraplegic named Philip (Dylan Riley Snyder), who also has apparently suffered the loss of his parents (can you say "laff riot"?), leaving him to be cared for by elder brother and deputy sheriff Hunter (Bryce Durfee) and Philip's sweet girlfriend Maddy (Allie Jennings). The high school prom is imminent, and scientist Phil has ordered what this film's auteur Pierce Berolzheimer describes in his commentary as his version of a "flux capacitor", a small device (which Berolzheimer compares to a bionic butt plug, for what that's worth) which will allow Phil to actually stand and dance at the event. Suffice it to say it may have another use late in the film.

Meanwhile Hunter and Sheriff Flannigan (Robert Craighead) are tasked with investigating something huge that has washed up on the beach. Sometime later (in a somewhat unexplained development) they discover a bloody trail from that aforementioned interruption of sexual activity. It's here that Crabs! may make one pretty major narrative misstep, when Hunter discovers a pile of dismembered body parts and the still living if badly disfigured female half of the couple, a scene which ends with Hunter understandably screaming in terror for help from Flannigan as a camera on a drone zooms out to give an aerial view of the region. But then things just continue apace as if none of this had happened, in a frankly kind of odd and disjunctive bit of writing. Meanwhile, the film has also introduced Maddy's mother Annalise (Jessica Morris), who instructs the kids in science at the local high school and who might seem to be the kind of mentor a certain group named Van Halen made famous in their legendary "Hot for Teacher".

The kind of weird issue of absolute carnage being introduced and then more or less ignored aside, the story then of course moves into the main scenes of mayhem as hordes of crabs begin invading the town, and several of them continue to mutate into ever larger and more deadly forms. One of the film's potentially objectionable elements for more PC minded folks enters the fray in the form of exchange student Radu (Chase Padgett), who is saddled with pretty stereotypical pidgin English dialogue and hysterical reactions, but who at least gets to sing (?) the film's kind of hilarious closing anthem, "Crabs: A Musical Song". Crabs! ultimately segues into kaiju territory when Phil manages to construct a mutant exoskeleton (think mecha from any number of anime outings) which he maneuvers to attack the last of the oversized crab beings.

Crabs! is a loving throwback to the micro budgeted horror films of yore, and it has some actually rather nicely done effects, within the context of a production having relatively little moolah to throw at such things. Performances are generally unexpectedly sweet, perhaps aided and abetted by what even Berolzheimer mentions is a surplus of weed smoking by several characters in the film (including both lawmen).

Crabs! Blu-ray Movie, Video Quality 

Crabs! is presented on Blu-ray courtesy of Raven Banner Releasing (for Canada, Berolzheimer is distributing himself personally for the United States market) with an AVC encoded 1080p transfer in 2.55:1. Perhaps unsurprisingly, the IMDb doesn't have any real technical information on the shoot to impart, but this is a sharp looking digital capture that I assume had a 2K DI. The low budget means some of the CGI is not exactly believable (especially with regard to things like flames and explosions), but the practical effects work is really rather impressive and some of the kaiju sequences, while evidently green screened for backgrounds, provide really good fine detail levels on the monsters themselves. Detail on actual humans and props is also generally excellent throughout the presentation. A surplus of bright sunny outdoor material helps to keep the palette vibrant, and a number of purple-pink scenes add a bit of flavor to the proceedings. My score is 4.25.

Crabs! Blu-ray Movie, Audio Quality 

Unfortunately, Crabs! offers only lossy Dolby Digital audio options in either 5.1 or 2.0. What's here isn't objectionable by any real standard, other than for those curmudgeonly audiophiles (ahem) who want their Blu-rays to have at least one lossless audio option included on any given disc. The surround track nicely opens up the soundstage for both some of the goofy sound effects (who knew crabs could "speak"?), as well as a fun score. Dialogue is rendered cleanly and clearly throughout. Optional English subtitles are available.

Crabs! Blu-ray Movie, Special Features and Extras 

• Behind the Scenes

  1. Pre-Production (HD; 5:24) shows some early work on effects.

  
  

  2. On Set (HD; 38:07) features a lot of fun candid footage.

  
  

  3. Green Screen (HD; 5:30) has some probably unavoidably comical scenes of the two kaiju combatants.

• Bloopers

  1. Alley (HD; 2:32)

  
  

  2. Cliff (HD; 2:07)

• Deleted Scenes

  1. Beach (HD; 00:34)

  
  

  2. Giant Claw (HD; 00:06)

  
  

  3. Hallway (HD; 00:14)

  
  

  4. Locker Room (HD; 00:13)

  
  

  5. River (HD; 00:04)

  
  

  6. Stage (HD; 00:38)

• Storyboard Animatics

  1. Beach Attack (with audio) (HD; 2:03)

  
  

  2. Beach Attack (HD; 2:10)

  
  

  3. Bonfire Attack (deleted scene) (HD; 1:03)

  
  

  4. Classroom (deleted scene) (HD; 1:18)

  
  

  5. Moly (deleted scene) (HD; 00:36)

  
  

  6. Prom (HD; 1:54)

  
  

  7. Prom Attack (HD; 2:42)

  
  

  8. Hallway (HD; 00:55)

  
  

  9. Final Fight (concept) (HD; 3:14)

  
  

  10> Final Fight (final) (HD; 2:07)

• Trailer (HD; 1:28)


• Director's Commentary is accessible under the Setup Menu.


• Director & SFX Supervisor's Commentary is accessible under the Setup Menu.


• Radu's Commentary is accessible under the Setup Menu.


• QR Code for the film's soundtrack is offered on the back cover.

Additionally, packaging features a slipcover.

Crabs! Blu-ray Movie, Overall Score and Recommendation 

Crabs! doesn't have any outsized ambitions, and that's one of its chief selling points. There's some good natured comedy here, but the film's "handicapable" (as he calls himself) hero offers some outsized heart, and that's really what ends up selling this daffy piece. Technical range from fine (video) to improvable (audio), and the supplements are enjoyable as well. For those with off kilter senses of humor if for no one else, Crabs! is Recommended.