Rating summary

Movie		1.0
Video		3.5
Audio		3.5
Extras		0.0
Overall		2.0

Virgin Territory Blu-ray Movie Review

The Black Death? A welcome reprieve from 'Virgin Territory.'

Reviewed by Martin Liebman February 4, 2010

What better place to preserve a virginity than among other virgins? Or so she thought.

Note to filmmakers: starting a movie with the image of an angel urinating off the edge of a cloud somewhere up in the heavens doesn't exactly set a very good tone for a movie, but in the case of Virgin Territory, it proves to be just about the best part of the experience. An excessively dull, lumbering, nonsensical, and scatterbrained motion picture that features plenty of young, naked, and uninhibited nuns; oddball characters; a worthless primary plot; dull swordplay; lame dialogue; poor acting; dreadful pacing; and far too many subplots and side characters; Virgin Territory is about as poorly-conceived a movie as one can imagine. There seems no point, no rhyme or reason, no drama, no purpose for its miserable existence save to work as some dreadfully-realized fantasy about nuns eager to shed clothing for the "deaf and dumb" gardener that "fell from the sky like an angel." Sure, there's a semblance of a real romantic storyline to the movie that features various men in pursuit of and fighting for the woman they wish to wed, but any notion that plot matters in the least is wiped out by the film's pointless and repeated exercises in banality and cringe-worthy banter about all things "virgin."

This kiss, this kiss...

It is the time of the Black Death. A young man, Lorenzo de Lamberti (Hayden Christensen, Jumper), who is attracted to a young maiden named Pampinea (Mischa Barton, Walled In), is on the run from the man who wishes to marry Pampinea, Gerbino (Tim Roth, Reservoir Dogs). Injured in his flight from Gerbino, Lorenzo is rescued and returned to health by nuns from a nearby convent where they see him as a fallen angel sent from Heaven for their pleasure. He plays along, pretending to be deaf and mute, enjoying his good fortune as companion to most every young nun in the convent. Meanwhile, Pampinea -- who is now sought after by both Gerbino and a Count by the name of Dzerzhinsky (Matthew Rhys) -- chooses to flee in hopes of preserving her virginity and finds herself taking refuge in the same convent housing Lorenzo where she soon after her arrival blindfolds and kisses him, beginning Lorenzo's pursuit of his true love based on a single kiss. As fates converge and promiscuity abounds, Pampinea will find herself caught in the middle of a trio of men fighting for the right to be her husband.

Very loosely based on The Decameron by Giovanni Boccaccio, Virgin Territory is another movie, like A Knight's Tale and Titus before it, that attempts to integrate a modern twist into an ancient tale. Unfortunately for Virgin Territory, it fails to even approach the same level of relative excellence as the other two listed films, the picture lacking anything resembling a heart, an emotional core, a dramatic angle, decent acting, or even more than a scattered and partially incoherent plot. Virgin Territory seems to aim more for sex appeal than story, and it never works, even in the film's plethora of nude and revealing scenes. The story is completely devoid of humor, a trait that's only made worse by listless acting and the dimwitted accompanying dialogue, but then again, no doubt the filmmakers couldn't see past anything other than disrobing nuns and pretty faces, believing those to be enough to mask one of the weakest plots on record. Indeed, the film's characters are interchangeable and completely superficial; there's nary a semblance of depth to any one of them, the picture clearly more concerned with bulging chests and angelic faces than thematic structure or dramatic relevance. There's no hidden artistic merit or deeper meaning behind any of it; Virgin Territory seems simply an excuse to play fast and loose with an old tale, not to mention its desire to poke fun at anyone that dare embrace any sort of moral compass, faith, ethics, or vow for the perceived betterment of one's existence.

Virgin Territory Blu-ray Movie, Video Quality 

Virgin Territory arrives on Blu-ray with a 1080p, 1.78:1-framed transfer. The transfer sparkles in many scenes, with a strongly-rendered color palette that allows every hue to be vibrantly reproduced. Additionally, detailing is exceptional throughout. Building façades and brick-laden streets offer a fabulous sense of texture, and the transfer yields a scrumptious level of high detail in wardrobes and other assorted objects throughout. Environmental detail also excels, particularly in shots of dirt paths, tree limbs, and fallen leaves; only longer-distance shots appear a bit soft and undefined, but close-up and midrange elements are pristinely rendered. Unfortunately, some of the film's darker scenes feature an excess of noise and mushy blacks, not to mention smeary details and an absence of depth. However, flesh tones are not troublesome, and the image is generally pristine and free of distracting artifacts. Additionally, there are no major compression anomalies or other ugly bugaboos to worry about. A solid all-around transfer with only a few flaws, Virgin Territory's 1080p image is far better than the film deserves.

Virgin Territory Blu-ray Movie, Audio Quality 

This Blu-ray release of Virgin Territory features no lossless or uncompressed soundtrack; only a Dolby Digital 5.1 mix is included. The track is fairly reproduced but can occasionally sound jumbled as dialogue, music and effects seem to compete with one another for listener attention, making it occasionally difficult to sort out every syllable of the spoken word from other sources of sound. The track does offer decent ambience; words echo about the soundstage when spoken from within the cavernous walls of a church, for instance, and a few environmental effects work their way into the track as well. Various sound effects are nicely implemented; dueling swords near film's end, for instance, deliver crisp, precise clanking effects as metal meets metal during a climactic confrontation. The film also incorporates a few pop-influenced musical beats and yields a palpable, but not exactly invigorating, accompanying low end. Virgin Territory's lossy soundtrack is far from a standout mix, but it is, generally, suitably good for what's required of it and, of course, for the quality of movie it accompanies.

Virgin Territory Blu-ray Movie, Special Features and Extras 

Virgin Territory offers no supplemental features.

Virgin Territory Blu-ray Movie, Overall Score and Recommendation 

Suffice it to say, Virgin Territory is a miserably aimless picture with no redeeming values. Shallow characters, dimwitted dialogue, no structure, an absence of drama, and a mockery of morals serve only to repeatedly slap viewers in the face, the picture serving not as entertainment or enlightenment but instead an example of pointless filmmaking at its worst. Virgin Territory does earn a couple of halfhearted and unenthusiastic points for fair production values and decent set and wardrobe design, but otherwise, this miserable picture is best left unwatched and long forgotten. Starz/Anchor Bay's Blu-ray release does, however, sport a solid 1080p transfer and a decent lossy soundtrack, but no extras. Unfortunately, and despite a decent technical presentation, there's no reason to even give consideration to this one. Pass.