3.8 | / 10 |
Users | 3.5 | |
Reviewer | 1.0 | |
Overall | 2.6 |
A spoof of vampire-themed movies, where teenager Becca finds herself torn between two boys. As she and her friends wrestle with a number of different dramas, everything comes to a head at their prom.
Starring: Jenn Proske, Matt Lanter, Ken Jeong, Chris Riggi, Diedrich BaderComedy | 100% |
Supernatural | 26% |
Video codec: MPEG-4 AVC
Video resolution: 1080p
Aspect ratio: 1.85:1
Original aspect ratio: 1.85:1
English: DTS-HD Master Audio 5.1 (48kHz, 24-bit)
French: Dolby Digital 5.1
English SDH, Spanish
50GB Blu-ray Disc
Two-disc set (1 BD, 1 DVD)
Digital copy (on disc)
BD-Live
Region free
Movie | 1.0 | |
Video | 3.0 | |
Audio | 3.5 | |
Extras | 1.0 | |
Overall | 1.0 |
Vampires were so 2008. As usual, writer/director duo Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer—the hacks responsible for Epic Movie, Meet the Spartans, and Disaster Movie, amongst other dross—show up with another brainless spoof of whatever the 13-to-21 demographic was into two years ago. In this case, it’s angsty, bloodsucking heartthrobs and their hapless, hormonal plain-Jane female admirers. Don’t get me wrong, Twilight fever is still in full effect for a certain subset of ‘tween Hot Topix shoppers, but the series—and vampire media, in general—has long since lapsed into self-parody, rendering any attempt at satire unnecessary. Besides, I wouldn’t ever call what Friedberg and Seltzer do satire. Their films are little more than a series of aborted SNL-style sketches glued sloppily together with stale pop culture references and groin-busting, face-punching slapstick. Vampires Suck is no exception. The film is extraordinarily stupid, but worse, it’s painfully, searingly unfunny—for about the first five minutes, anyway. After that, the pain fades away and you’re left with a cold, apathetic numbness and a vague sense that your soul has just been stolen.
Vampires Suck stinks.
In most regards, Vampires Suck looks great on Blu-ray, as Fox's 1080p/AVC-encoded transfer is sharp, clean, and vivid. The first thing you'll notice is how colorful the image is during the daytime scenes, especially the opening at the school prom, where the students are all wearing bright red cloaks. Primaries are strong throughout, the forest greens have satisfying depth, and black levels are adequately deep without crushing shadow detail. (Obviously, skin tones are intentionally pallid.) Some scenes are sharper than others, but overall there's plenty of fine detail on display, from the weft of Jacob's denim jeans and the individually defined hairs on his werewolf chest to Edward's powdery makeup, which makes his skin texture especially visible. While that's all well and good, the disc is unfortunately plagued with small but noticeable encode issues. There's aliasing all over this thing. You'll notice "jaggies" on the bridge when Becca is driving into Sporks, on the bricks of a building downtown, on the grill of a Porshe, and even on a box of Crest teeth whitening strips. These are only the most obvious examples; if you keep your eye out, you're bound to spot more minor infractions. As a final note, the film was shot on 35mm, and while the transfer looks naturally filmic, you will notice some spikes in grain during certain indoor and nighttime sequences, where it's clear that the director of photography changed film stocks.
Vampires Suck is saddled with a DTS-HD Master Audio 5.1 surround track that's about what you'd expect from this kind of film: a little wimpy and underwhelming, but adequate for the task at hand. It seems there was less thought put into the sound design than into the script, if that's possible. The rear channels are used sparsely and quietly, mostly for ambience—chatter in the school cafeteria, forest sounds, etc.—although you will hear the occasional cross-channel swoosh during some of the "action" sequences. None of the effects carry much weight. The score, along with an angsty selection of incidental music, is also bled into the rear speakers, and generally has more heft than the effects, with deep bass and dynamics that, if not quite punchy, are at least clear. Really, the best I can say about this track is that the dialogue is easily understood, although that's not necessarily a plus in this case.
There's not much here to keep you occupied, but really, what did you expect?
In his four word review, Rolling Stone film critic Peter Travers said everything you need to know about Vampires Suck: "This movie sucks more." What else needs to be said? Unless you're some kind of glutton for cinematic self-punishment, there's no reason to ever, ever, ever subject yourself to such mindless, puerile trash. The Twilight saga does a good enough job parodying itself on its own.
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