Rating summary

Movie		1.5
Video		4.0
Audio		4.0
Extras		0.5
Overall		2.5

Two If by Sea Blu-ray Movie Review

Reviewed by Martin Liebman July 22, 2021

Two if by Sea is a disappointing, brainless, and unfunny Comedy written by Star Denis Leary and Mike Armstrong. It's directed by Bill Bennett, not the Conservative pundit but rather the Aussie filmmaker whose filmography is probably highlighted by this mess. The film follows an art theft and a couple's trial run living it up as they keep slipping away from the law. There's a good story here, somewhere, but one that crashes and burns without more than a few fleeting moments of humor and a story that might have worked better with a major rewrite and filmmakers who understand concepts like pacing and casting and chemistry.

Frank O'Brien (Leary) is a midlevel thief who has just eluded a parade of pursuing police in a Plymouth Neon, of all getaway cars. He's stolen a painting worth several million dollars (far more than he knows it to be worth) and plans to sell it to his buyer on Cape Cod. But rather than seal the deal right away, Frank decides to tarry and spend a few days living it up at a luxury home with his girlfriend Roz (Sandra Bullock), a Barnes & Noble cashier. They're on their way up: if they can survive one another's company and the posh lifestyle that awaits them on Cape Cod, that is.

Eesh. They say if there's nothing good to say, say nothing at all...but this is film criticism! It's part of the process. So the nice things first: Sandra Bullock is great in the film because she plays...Sandra Bullock. Never mind that her character is named "Raz" for whatever reason. She's as perky and lively as ever, lighting the screen with her own brand of alluring movie magic as she attempts to navigate a life of increasingly self aware emptiness with her longtime boyfriend, the art thief who hasn't done a lick of good with their time together, except to steal this painting with plans to sell it for far less than it's worth because, apparently, he doesn't do his homework. Leary's O'Brien is a sore spot for the film, not because he isn't a good actor within his element but because he's a poor one out of his element, and he's more or less out to sea for this one. He doesn't play the bumbling thief particularly well, and even if he's as foul-mouthed as ever he's just not as capable when not playing a more sinister bad guy (think his excellent turn in Judgment Night) or riffing behind the microphone. Here, the character and performance are grating, well incapable of taking advantage of his co-star's charms and screen presence. They two are not at all magnetic, instead polar opposites by script and by performance who repel one another in every scene.

One can see the story's potential at work, not that there's anything here that would redefine a genre or change the viewer's life: but somewhere is an agreeable tale within a picturesque setting and hope beyond the doldrums the characters have lived for so long. Leary's script needs work, but it's not fully at fault. It's Leary's performance and the mismatched pairing that render the story limp and lifeless. The film earns a few scattered laughs -- Yaphet Kotto's "top o' the morning!" line is the high point for humor -- but expect a Comedy in name only, a film that squanders what little potential to its name on scant laughs, no yield drama, choppy editing, and no resonance.

Two If by Sea Blu-ray Movie, Video Quality 

Mill Creek sails Two if by Sea onto Blu-ray with a well rounded 1080p transfer. This is superior to many of the distributor's Blu-ray releases, offering a good, crisp, filmic image that holds steady to a fine and naturally occurring grain structure. It's quite nice looking in total. Details are clearly defined and sharp to film specification. The natural beauty around the frame breathes and looks gorgeous in every shot: trees, lush grass, beautiful homes, and the like give the movie class and the Blu-ray takes full advantage. Facial definition is a highlight, too, yielding excellent definition to hair, pores, and other qualities that approach best case scenario, especially for a middling movie at this price point. Colors are well saturated, too. Natural greens delight, whites are bright and crisp, and colorful clothes are firmly vivid. Skin tones look great and black levels are fine. There are some mild concerns for print wear: the odd speckle, stray fiber, and random hair appear from time to time but not to an egregious, distracting extent. There are no serious compression issues, either. This is one of Mill Creek's best!

Two If by Sea Blu-ray Movie, Audio Quality 

Two if by Sea arrives on Blu-ray with a DTS-HD Master Audio 5.1 lossless soundtrack. The opening music is surprisingly rich, wide, and detailed. It's plenty loud at reference volume, almost a surprise for how enjoyable it is for a low-grade Comedy released to budget Blu-ray. The rest of the track holds to that same quality. Music is a delight for clarity, depth, and spacing; atmospherics are well integrated; and a few odds-and-ends "action"-type effects present with appropriate depth and detail. Dialogue is the name of the game here, though, and it presents with firm center positioned output. It is also well prioritized and naturally detailed.

Two If by Sea Blu-ray Movie, Special Features and Extras 

This Blu-ray release of Two If by Sea contains one scant extra: the film's Theatrical Trailer (480i, 4x3, 1:59). No DVD or digital copies are included with purchase. This release does not ship with a slipcover.

Two If by Sea Blu-ray Movie, Overall Score and Recommendation 

Two if by Sea looks good; Cinematographer Andrew Lesnie, who would go on to collaborate with Peter Jackson on The Lord of the Rings and The Hobbit as well as King Kong, brings the film's beautiful world to life with vivid expression and screen saturation. Beyond that, and Bullock's typically charming performance, there's little here to like. The small town charm is certainly on full display and Kotto is excellent in a supporting role, but Leary sinks the film not for his work on the story but for his zero chemistry and out of place turn as the film's "protagonist" who desperately needed to be played by someone more attuned to act on the character's proclivities. As it is, the movie is not particularly fun or all that watchable. Mill Creek's Blu-ray does deliver very good video and audio presentations; those who love the film will love the 1080p video and lossless soundtrack. A trailer is it as far as extras go. Skip it.