Tooth Fairy 2 Blu-ray Movie

Rating summary

Movie		1.5
Video		3.5
Audio		3.5
Extras		2.5
Overall		2.0

Tooth Fairy 2 Blu-ray Movie Review

Get-r-dud.

Reviewed by Casey Broadwater March 8, 2012

I might feel differently when I have to watch Alvin and the Chipmunks 3: Chipwrecked next week, but as of today, my vote for most unnecessary sequel of 2012 goes to Tooth Fairy 2, a budget-less straight-to-video mistake that has Larry "the Cable Guy" prancing around in the pink tutu previously worn by Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson. The Rock was wise to get out. Though the first film somehow turned a sizable box office profit, it was panned far and wide as one of the worst movies of the year. But this, of course, is how Hollywood works: Did it suck? Sure, but it made money. A cash-in straight-to-video sequel was inevitable.

And, inevitably, Tooth Fairy 2 is awful. You don't need a review to know that. It stars one of America's most unfunny comedians, a guy whose cinematic career has included such veritable hits as Delta Farce and Witless Protection, and whose entire schtick revolves around being the dumb-as-dirt rube from Jeff Foxworthy's "You Might Be Redneck" routine. What do you honestly expect? In case you're really not sure, for whatever reason, I'll tell you what to expect--the same joke repeated ad nauseum for 90 minutes. Brawny Larry, in pink tights, failing miserably to sneak quietly into sleeping kids' bedrooms. It'd be creepy if it weren't so dumb.

I'll let this one speak for itself...

How dumb is it? For starters, it basically recycles the first film's story, making only superficial modifications. The movie feels exactly like what it is--a cheaper, chintzier rehash. Where The Rock played a has-been hockey player, Larry the Cable Guy is...wait for it...Larry, a never-was mechanic whose one claim to fame is that he once won a sports car on a lucky bowl, hitting a 7-10 split after slipping on some nacho cheese. Now, a year later, the car's engine is busted and Larry's former girlfriend, Brooke (Erin Beute), is engaged to Beauregard Billings (David Mackey), a sleazy schmoozer who's running for mayor of their podunk Floridian town. When Larry reads the engagement notice in the local paper, he bumbles down to the short-staffed daycare center where Brooke works--hoping to insinuate himself back into her life--and volunteers to help out. Of course, this is Larry the Cable Guy we're talking about, so he bungles even the smallest tasks with supreme idiocy. His biggest fail, though, is when he spills the beans to some poor loose- toothed kid that the Tooth Fairy does not, in fact, exist.

This earns him a magical glow-in-the-dark summons from the "Department of Dissemination of Disbelief," a fairy-run organization that punishes adults who squelch children's belief in fantasyland figures. (Christopher Hitchens, were his body not donated to medical research, would be rolling in his grave.) You might recall from the first film that the head of the DDD was played by a pixie-ish Julie Andrews, with administrative help from her gawky lead caseworker, English comedian Stephen Merchant. Those two are out this time around, and if you need evidence of how low budget the sequel is, they've been replaced by 11-year-old actress Brady Reiter as Nyx, a sassy pre-teen fairy who runs the Florida branch of the DDD. Nyx lays out Larry's sentence; he has to collect ten teeth in ten days, or else she'll erase his favorite memory, which happens to be of him traipsing through a field hand-in- hand with Brooke. And here's the film's running sight gag--whenever a nearby kid is about to lose a baby bicuspid or canine, Larry transforms into a winged, tutu-wearing substitute Tooth Fairy, much to his gay-panic embarrassment. Will he get the teeth on time? Will he win back the love of his life? Will he learn some valuable lessons about growing up and responsibility and having faith?

Yes, yes, and yes, but not before making a total ass of himself in myriad ways. Since I don't think it's worth my time or yours to go any deeper into the story--it would be impossible, besides--and since the performances, cinematography, and editing are all so unremarkably mediocre, I'll confine my remaining observances to a list of a few thing that happen in the movie, just so you can get a sense of what you'd be in for if you chose to subject yourself or your child to Tooth Fairy 2.

1. Larry and Brooke have a "Barbecue Mustache Contest" and then make out with sauce smeared all over their faces.
2. Larry dances poorly in slo-mo to "Jungle Boogie."
3. Larry introduces the daycare kids to the concept of a "Florida Snowball Fight," which involves filling pantyhose with baking flour.
4. Larry sprouts a glowing firefly posterior.
5. Larry eats six burritos and--later that night, whilst trying to sneak into a kid's room--repeatedly farts multi-hued fairy dust to the sound of a foghorn.

I'm gonna stop there, because there's really no need to go on. Tooth Fairy 2 is the most unnecessary of unwanted, under-funded sequels, and it's exactly what you've come to expect from a Larry the Cable Guy-centered production--it's brainless, tasteless, and really not funny at all. With these sorts of movies, it always comes down to the question of whether kids will like it, and while I'm definitely not the target audience, I'll hazard a guess and say that no, no they won't. Kids are smarter than this and they know when they're being sold watered-down entertainment.

Tooth Fairy 2 Blu-ray Movie, Video Quality 

When I say this is a low-budget sequel, I mean low budget, and Tooth Fairy 2 looks it, with wonky editing, flat cinematography, and noticeably cheaper production design. (Just see the difference between The Rock's tutu and The Cable Guy's.) The Blu-ray follows suite with a 1080p/AVC encode that's merely so-so, faithful to source but far from stunning. The film was shot digitally in high definition and has a respectable level of clarity here. There are some shots that actually look fantastically sharp--closeups, in general, are nicely resolved--while others, especially in darker sequences, are bit more blah. Not bad, overall. Color is fairly realistic, lightly graded to have a warm cast and punchier saturation, and black levels and contrast are decently balanced. There's some visible noise in many scenes, but whether it's source-inherent or compression-related is hard to say. Not that it matters too much. I doubt you're looking for Tooth Fairy 2 to set any new picture quality standards.

Tooth Fairy 2 Blu-ray Movie, Audio Quality 

Likewise, the movie's lossless DTS-HD Master Audio 5.1 surround track is strictly utilitarian. That is, it does what it needs to do and not much more. You'd certainly never use the phrases "consistently immersive" or "dynamically intense" to describe this front-anchored, low-key audio mix. The rear channels are only used sparsely for the jaunty score and rare effects; even when Larry's hijinks are at their most hijink-iest, the sound design never shows much initiative. Still, everything is reasonably clear--besides a few instances where voices seem slightly muffled or hollow, like when Larry first meets Nyx--and there are no major audio slip-ups. The disc also includes French and Spanish Dolby Digital 5.1 dubs, along with optional English SDH, Spanish, and French subtitles.

Tooth Fairy 2 Blu-ray Movie, Special Features and Extras 

• Why Do I Lose My Baby Teeth? (1080p, 4:41): Larry gives us a lesson about dental maturation, comparing baby teeth to "taking a test ride in a car."
• Return to Fairyland - Making Tooth Fairy 2 (1080p, 9:07): It's cringe-inducing to watch the film's director, producers, and stars try to talk up the film like it's some landmark of children's entertainment.
• Larry the Hairy Fairy (1080p, 4:52): A short featurette about Larry the Cable Guy and how hilarious it is that he's in a tutu.
• Introducing Crusher the Pig (1080p, 2:59): Larry the Cable Guy claims to be a "pig whisperer"--actually, that wouldn't surprise me--in this short piece about the piglet in the film.
• Deleted Scenes and Alternate Takes (SD, 9:56)
• Strawberry Shortcake Sneak Peek (SD, 00:51)

Tooth Fairy 2 Blu-ray Movie, Overall Score and Recommendation 

And here I thought the original Tooth Fairy was bad. The sequel takes what's now a franchise, I guess--heaven help us--to blindingly stupid new lows. (Might I suggest Gary Busey for the third film?) You don't need me to tell you that Tooth Fairy 2 is terrible; do your kids a favor and pick up a Pixar film instead.