Rating summary

Movie		1.5
Video		3.0
Audio		3.5
Extras		0.0
Overall		1.5

Tomcats Blu-ray Movie Review

A forgettable comedy inexplicably revived for a Blu-ray release.

Reviewed by Casey Broadwater November 22, 2011

I consciously avoided Tomcats when it came out in 2001, but in a cruel twist of cosmic karma I was assigned to watch it for this review of the film’s 10th anniversary Blu-ray release. I say cruel twist because sitting through Tomcats—a repulsive supposed rom-com constructed entirely of non-remorseful misogyny and disgusting and/or tired gags—is the kind of grating, unpleasant, and possibly torturous experience that I wouldn’t wish on the most heinous members of the Taliban. It’s an unalienable human right—people, all people, deserve better movies than this. I’m actually surprised that anyone thought Tomcats merited a re-release on home video. Memory of these sorts of crass, extremely dated me-too comedies is usually limited to the dank recesses of IMDB.com’s forums.

Few people want to remember a film like this, so let me jog your memory if you’ve forgotten. Following the success of the Farrelly brothers’ Something About Mary, in 1998, there was a burst of gross-out rom-com sex farces like Say It Isn’t So and American Pie, each hoping to one-up the last. Tomcats, another wannabe contender, certainly goes for broke in the eww department, but far more offensive is the way the film continually portrays women as idiots and whores, sex objects more disposable than blow-up dolls.

Most films of this ilk have some kind of contrived, gimmicky premise, and Tomcats is no different. Look no further than the tagline: “Last Man Standing Gets the Kitty.” In alignment with the age-old trope of men being utterly terrified of marriage, a group of best-bros sets up a contest— they each contribute money to a mutual fund, and the last remaining single guy gets the entire pot, which eventually amounts to a cool 500k. This bet is concocted at the wedding of the first friend to get hitched, after all the groomsmen drink Viagra-spiked wine and end up sporting massive, painful, tuxedo-pant-tent-pitching erections while standing at the alter. (“Dude! This is the best wine ever!”)

From here, the film jumps forward seven years to the Las Vegas nuptials of Steve (Horatio Sanz, looking young), a proctologist who marries a woman who may or may not be a secret lesbian porn star. The gang is now down to just two lone wolves, Kyle (Jake Busey), a sleazy woman-hater who sows his wild oats in every conceivable direction, and Mike (Jerry O’Connell), a recently heartbroken cartoonist. Mike goes on a bender at the craps table and loses 50-grand on credit, which puts him in debt to the casino’s criminal owner—Bill Maher in a bit part—who threatens to kill him if he doesn’t pay up within a month. You can see where this is going.

Yes, Mike’s only hope is the money from the bet, but instead of asking his friends if he can draw from the pool to get himself out of trouble—which would be any thinking person’s first course of action—he comes up with the harebrained plan of trying to trick Kyle into getting married to the woman of his dreams. When he hears about Natalie (Shannon Elizabeth), the long-lost lover who “could’ve been the one” for Kyle—when, in reality, Kyle abandoned her on the side of the Pacific highway after taking her virginity—Mike tracks her down and involves her in his scheme. What’s in it for Natalie? Revenge, of course…plus half of the cash. Naturally, the shenanigans get significantly more complicated when—and I’ll wager you never saw this one coming—Mike and Natalie fall in love.

Rather than giving the usual plot/character analysis—which is entirely unnecessary for a movie as braindead as Tomcats—I thought I’d make a tidy little partial list of the tasteless inanities you can expect from the film. Ready? Be aware, I’m not going to pull any punches with my descriptions. You need to know what you’re getting into if—for some inexplicable reason—you feel like Tomcats is still worth seeing.

1. Boners: I mentioned this already, but it bears repeating. Be prepared to get an eyeful.
2. Copious Ejaculate: When Mike visits a sperm bank and fantasizes about Natalie, he produces an inhuman amount of sperm. You’d need a pint glass to contain it all.
3. Loose Women: Literally. Kyle’s bachelor party features a stripper who wows everyone with what she can do with ping-pong balls, but goes on to disturb when she begins, shall we say, birthing larger sporting equipment.
4. Coitus Vomitous: Kyle continues having sex with a puking woman because he enjoys the contractions.
5. Pre-9/11 Racial Insensitivity: Steve gets married by a turban-wearing Arab Elvis.
6. Teddy Bear-Festooned Sex Dungeon: To make Natalie jealous, Mike woos a mousy redheaded librarian, who turns out to be a vinyl- wearing, studded paddle-wielding dominatrix. Perhaps the only clever moment in the film is when we notice her wall of torture implements is arranged by the Dewy Decimal system.
7. Leather Granny: The librarian’s grandma also gets in on the action, which includes implied anal rape. Lovely.
8. Testicular Football: When Kyle comes down with ball-cancer and has to have one of his nuts removed, the disembodied gonad gets bounced and kicked around the hospital, finally landing on a surgeon’s plate in the cafeteria. The sequence closes, of course, with a close-up shot of the doctor taking a big juicy bite out of it.
9. Bad Spoofs: The film tiredly takes on Mission: Impossible 2 and Pretty Woman, among others.
10. Sundry Other Things You Can’t Unsee: Namely, Jake Busey—like a somehow more shameless version of his dad—in a bright-red thong, posing like a mandrill in heat and making come-hither sex faces. If that doesn’t convince you to skip Tomcats, nothing will.

Tomcats Blu-ray Movie, Video Quality 

Tomcats on Blu-ray delivers exactly what you'd expect from the picture quality of a low-budget comedy from the early '00s—a 1080p/AVC- encoded transfer that's watchable but hardly impressive. While I'm sure there's a definite difference between the Blu-ray and the older DVD version of the film, the change probably isn't drastic enough to warrant an upgrade. Although clarity gets a slight boost overall, the image is consistently soft, lacking truly fine detail in all but the tightest close-ups. Facial and clothing textures just aren't very refined. There are even a few shots that look outright blurry. Likewise, color reproduction is merely adequate. Skin tones can look a bit oversaturated and ruddy from time to time, and the overall palette is dull. Still, contrast is okay and black levels are as deep as they need to be. As far as I can tell, the image hasn't been manipulated digitally in any way—there's no sign of DNR, edge enhancement, or excess boosting—and aside from some noise there really aren't any compression quibbles worth noting. Your jaw will never drop watching Tomcats, but your eyes won't get sore from artifacts or other distractions either.

Tomcats Blu-ray Movie, Audio Quality 

The film's lossless DTS-HD Master Audio 5.1 surround track also lives up to expectations for low-budget comedy. This isn't a bad mix, but it is a little brash at times. There's a lot of terrible music in the film—from grating pop punk to Mystikal's "Shake Ya Ass"—but it all sounds okay, with decent dynamics and good use of all 5.1 channels. The rear speakers are otherwise occupied with quiet ambience—locker room shower spray, casino clamor, etc. —and occasional effects, like gunshots, but nothing particularly immersive or active. The focus here is on the dialogue, which—aside from a few scenes where voices are a hair low in the mix—usually sounds clean, balanced, and easy to understand. The disc includes optional English SDH subtitles.

Tomcats Blu-ray Movie, Special Features and Extras 

There are no bonus features whatsoever on the disc.

Tomcats Blu-ray Movie, Overall Score and Recommendation 

Rude, crude, lewd, and impossibly misogynistic, Tomcats tried to capitalize on the gross-out comedy phase of the early 00's but came across like more of a wannabe, me-too production. I'm not sure why the film is being trotted out for a Blu-ray release—it deserves to be forgotten—but anyway, here it is, with a so-so high definition image, a decent lossless audio track, and no extras whatsoever. If you're a fan, wait around for a few months and I'm sure you'll be able to score this one at a bargain-basement price.