Rating summary

Movie		1.0
Video		3.0
Audio		3.5
Extras		3.0
Overall		3.0

The Wicked Die Slow Blu-ray Movie Review

Reviewed by Brian Orndorf June 8, 2023

During his interview on this Blu-ray release, co-writer/actor Jeff Kanew (who directed “Revenge of the Nerds” and “Troop Beverly Hills”) credits his absolute love for Sergio Leone’s 1966 epic, “The Good, the Bad and the Ugly,” as the prime inspiration behind 1968’s “The Wicked Die Slow.” However, Kanew had no access to a budget and limited filmmaking experience, trying to replicate the ways of the sun-baked, Italian-born spaghetti western in rural New Jersey during the autumn season. It’s a bad idea from conception, but co-writers Kanew and Gary Allen have their motivation, working with director William K. Hennigar to stumble through this patience-testing collection of real-time events and gratuitous violence, sold without a moment of style or tension. It’s meant to celebrate the western genre, but nobody seems to have a clue what they’re doing, making a backyard production that’s unusually hostile to female characters and genuinely seems to hate viewers.

Noted outlaw, The Kid (Gary Allen), has learned about a sexual assault committed by four Native Americans, who targeted a loved one. The gunslinger is joined by Armadillo (Jeff Kanew), a Mexican with a similar appreciation for revenge, with the pair heading out into the open world to pursue the monsters. Breaking up a violent situation during their travels, The Kid and Armadillo kill men loyal to Psycho (Don McGovern). The boss doesn’t take kindly to those eliminating enforcers from his ranks, electing to hit the trail and find The Kid and Armadillo, creating trouble and destroying lives on every step of their journey.

Plot isn’t a big concern for “The Wicked Die Slow,” with Kanew also detailing in his interview a move by producers to beef up the original 75-minute- long run time, adding an entire first act that has nothing to do with the rest of the movie. We watch as a gunslinging preacher sets out to collect bounties, while a wanted man looking to clear his name deals with a sexually abused woman who once mingled with the sibling, sharing his loneliness (and her bed) with the stranger. The endeavor establishes screen stasis right away, watching as the wanted man crosses the land in real time, the woman cares for her horse in real time, and the gun-toting preacher shares full sermons in real time. It’s like a short story stapled to the feature, adding nothing to the viewing experience besides confusion, with this subplot resolved and promptly ignored. So don’t get married to the tale of the preacher and the wanted man, because none of it matters.

The rest of “The Wicked Die Slow” begins after the 30-minute opener (and extended main title sequence), picking up with inebriated Native Americans (really just white guys in Halloween costumes) and their sudden desire to stalk and sexually assault a woman working on her farm. They drink in real time and they commit violence in real time, adding an unpleasant sense of luridness to the endeavor, with Hennigar refusing to deny viewers a chance to watch female characters suffer horribly, and for lengthy stretches of screen time. We finally get to The Kid (who’s finishing up with a prostitute, so he’s not really the loyal type), who dresses in real time and travels in real time, soon joined by Armadillo, who stares in real time. It’s all so excruciatingly drawn out, and the reward for such patience is…well, nothing. There’s supposed to be something approaching a story concerning The Kid’s quest for revenge, but that’s never clarified to satisfaction, with the material more invested in bad porno scenarios, including The Kid and Armadillo’s slaughtering of Psycho’s men to save two locals. Of course, the grateful father doesn’t have money or land to reward the heroes(?), but he does have a daughter, willing to serve up his only child so he can satisfy an invented debt.

“Dear Penthouse, I never thought it would happen to me…”

The Wicked Die Slow Blu-ray Movie, Video Quality 

The AVC encoded image (2.35:1 aspect ratio) presentation is listed as a "Brand new 2019 HD scan of the original film elements." It's not a consistent viewing experience, with age and damage encountered, and there's a brief moment of missing footage at 59:03. At 60:29, a stretch of violence is crudely censored. It's a softer look at frame information, with fine detail elusive, but a general sense of character is present, including rougher skin and facial hair. Locations aren't deep, but a feel for the autumnal setting is available. Delineation has a few moments of solidification. Grain is mostly chunky.

The Wicked Die Slow Blu-ray Movie, Audio Quality 

The 2.0 DTS-HD MA mix isn't working too hard here, presenting a basic understanding of dubbed dialogue exchanges. Intelligibility isn't lost, but technical efforts aren't prioritized by the production. Musical selections also deliver a simple sound with mild dramatic support.

The Wicked Die Slow Blu-ray Movie, Special Features and Extras 

• Interview (15:57, HD) is a 2019 discussion of "The Wicked Die Slow" with co-writer Jeff Kanew, who credits "The Good, the Bad and the Ugly" as the primary inspiration for his western, even showing off a T-shirt to prove his fandom. In the 1960s, Kanew was struggling to survive, owning an editing company, working on the creation of trailers, making contacts along the way, including those involved with Cannon Films. Tasked with creating a preview for "The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly," Kanew was ready to make his own version, eventually mounting a spaghetti western in New Jersey, but he came up short in the run time. The producers elected to fire Kanew, creating their own footage to help expand the picture, manufacturing a new opening act. The interviewee details his time on the set, including his experience as an actor, giving himself a love scene in the process. Kanew shares some photos of his friends and co-stars, poster art, and reads the weird synopsis of the movie. He also tracks the course of his career, finding success with "Revenge of the Nerds" and the cult longevity of "Troop Beverly Hills," but also taking a few hits, including 1991's "V.I. Warshawski," a film he vaguely credits as a beginning of the end concerning his helming career.

• A Trailer has not been included on this release.

The Wicked Die Slow Blu-ray Movie, Overall Score and Recommendation 

Again, "The Wicked Die Slow" (emphasis on "Slow") was shot in New Jersey and looks it, and the production isn't too attentive to period details, with this old west adventure featuring visible power lines and characters in JCPenney-style t-shirts and denim ensembles. Of course, there's no budget here, but the endeavor doesn't earn leniency, determined to provide as inert a viewing experience as possible, with everything in the feature eventually slowing to a stop. And there's the focus on agony, with cowboys delighting in any chance to torment and kill women (don't worry, there's genital mutilation for a male character – you know, to even things out), turning the feature into an offering of dark fetishizing that's unpleasant to watch. There's no feel for character, no suspense, barely any plot, and enough real time events (including a full poker game with Psycho and the boys) to make one wonder what exactly about "The Good, the Bad and the Ugly" served as inspiration for this painfully DOA effort.