The Stewardesses 3D Blu-ray Movie

Rating summary

Movie		1.0
Video		2.5
Audio		2.0
Extras		2.5
Overall		3.0

The Stewardesses 3D Blu-ray Movie Review

Fly the sexy...and poorly framed and narratively vacuous but abundantly three dimensional...skies.

Reviewed by Martin Liebman February 21, 2018

There's no pretending that The Stewardesses is some cinema classic. The only time the word "classic" could ever be applied to it is if the word "cult" comes attached at the hip and then...maybe. Writer/Director Alf Silliman Jr. fails at both of those tasks with which he is credited; the film -- loosely called a film if only because it was shot on film and can be projected upon a screen with actors and moving components appearing thereon -- constructs no narrative other than the narrative of softcore pornography. There are women and breasts aplenty, and in 3D no less, the two working in a unison of undress and dimension to titillate audiences who are perhaps too timid to seek out something a little more...direct...than this. It's a novelty movie if it's anything, and it's a novelty that turned a pretty penny in its time, reportedly the most profitable 3D movie ever made until the release of Avatar, ironically another movie without much narrative heft but, at least, more agreeable visuals and competent cinematic construction.

Yes, it's that kind of movie.

For whatever a plot summary is worth, the film follows five airline attendants -- Wendy (Janet Waas), Cathy (Kathy Ferrick), Tina (Paula Erikson), Samantha (Christina Hart), and Jo (Anita de Moulin) -- as well as the flight's Captain, Brad Masters (William Condos), and a few other assorted individuals as they galavant about, make love, get high, and whatever that allows them to get naked, for good reason or no reason at all, and in a movie like this, the smart money is on "no reason at all."

The film was obviously made to exploit the 3D format as much as possible while incorporating as much softcore sex and full female nudity as the filmmakers could squeeze into the movie and ratings boards would allow. The film opens with one of the stewardesses making love with her feet elevated in the air and protruding from the screen in 3D (and it's a marvelous 3D effect!). That’s followed by full nude models practicing meditation, lengthy shots of a nude girl brushing her hair which becomes a hallucinogenic trip in which she makes love to a lamp sculpted like a head, and the film ends with several couples having sex (one of which is a lesbian scene involving, essentially, sex for a promotion) with an oddly macabre moment thrown in for good (bad?) measure. Scattered throughout are lengthy and tedious, or “relaxingly paced,” if one is to say it nicely, long-format scenes featuring pilots preparing for takeoff and jet engines churning, dinner between two characters with next to no supportive context, or a haunted house amusement park ride that's nothing but an opportunity for additional one-off 3D shots. Nothing in the movie makes a lick of sense; watching it is a chore, especially if one is watching for the gimmick of softocre sex in 3D, and it’s next to impossible if one is watching for any sort of satisfying narrative construction, because there simply isn’t a narrative.

Nearly everything that isn't sex is just a deterrent to the sex, but another deterrent is the pitiful framing that plagues the film. Certain shots are seemingly meant as suggestive promises of what's to come (though it's not like it's hard to figure out where most any given scene is headed), including lingering shots of legs at a pool table or a protracted shot featuring a character caressing another's bottom. The film's opening minutes sees a cramped shot of sex in the cockpit, perhaps understandable given the location's restraining construction, but Silliman Jr. curiously, and regularly, chops off heads, pushes subjects to the far side of the frame for no reason...it's almost as if he's eyeballing the camera position without actually preplanning a shot, just pointing it in the general vicinity of his actors. The technique is a little more effective during sex where the raw, unhinged construction can almost be said to compliment the carnal action, but in those scenes that depict characters clothed and apparently building whatever narrative Silliman Jr. had in mind, well, they're just a lesson in how not to shoot a scene.

The Stewardesses 3D Blu-ray Movie, Video Quality 

The Stewardesses source has aged poorly. The image is littered with stray scratches, pops, hairs, and speckles. This was not a full clean-up, but it's easy to see that, despite numerous remaining source flaws, the image has benefited from a substantial bit of work. A solid enough general filmic quality proves agreeable enough, with intensive grain elements helping to accentuate core skin, fabric, and environmental details throughout, few of which are super-sharp but that do benefit from the native source resolution and the 1080p format's relatively crisp and efficient delivery thereof. Colors are pleasantly stout, with the period oranges, browns, and yellows dominating in a plane cabin early on while the stewardesses' red and white apparel and matching red hair bows offer a pleasantly deep and vibrant color element.

Watching in 2D can fluctuate between a satisfying and a rough experience, but the image shines more brightly in 3D, not for any add to textural stability or color saturation but for the powerful third layer added into the mix. Things begin with one of the most dazzling 3D moments yet when legs protrude from the screen, appearing to be in such close proximity to the viewer that the desire to reach out and grab them is almost too intense to ignore. There are numerous moments when objects appear to extend well beyond the screen's confines. A skull literally floats in front at the 52-minute mark, followed by a crutch extending moments later. Some of the other fun house effects don't prove as intensely gratifying, but nearly every time there's an obvious opportunity for screen protrusion, the transfer doesn't disappoint. Additionally, and arguably most importantly to the film, sex scenes are enhanced with added shape to bodies, breasts that seem to bounce out of the screen, and hair that flops around beyond the screen's limits during lovemaking sessions. General shapeliness and depth are fantastic. Environments are perfectly defined, whether sprawling airport hallways or cramped cockpits. Objets like chairs are voluminous and even inconsequential bits dazzle, like a pressed shirt collar which appears well separated from the fabric around the collarbone. There were not significant crosstalk effects evident during playback. This is another robust, highly satisfying 3D presentation; it makes even a lousy movie like this well worth watching.

The Stewardesses was restored in 2008 by "Mr. 3-D" Dan Symmes.

The Stewardesses 3D Blu-ray Movie, Audio Quality 

The Stewardesses's DTS-HD Master Audio 2.0 lossless soundtrack accomplishes all it can with the film's aged and poorly recorded sound elements. Most everything is muddled and lacking distinction beyond core essential basics, but even then a few sound effects are so unkempt that only supportive visual context clues can define them; in isolation they're little more than globs of sound, such as music and whirling rides at an amusement park. Music lacks cohesion and clarity. Dialogue is chunky but generally clear enough, though there appears to be some lip sync issues throughout; one of the most noticeably pronounced examples may be heard around the 58-minute mark.

The Stewardesses 3D Blu-ray Movie, Special Features and Extras 

The Stewardesses contains a trailer and a sexy and science-y short film in both 2D and 3D.

• Theatrical Trailer (2-D Only) (1080p, 2:41).
• "Experiments in Love" 3-D (1080p, 28:25): A short film that's much more explicit and much more fun than The Stewardesses but with a similarly excellent 3D presentation, with plenty of protruding elements, effortless depth, and attention to detail. The film is is a much more focused, alluring, and entertaining hybrid of sex and 3D escapades.
• "Experiments in Love" 2-D (1080p, 28:25): The same short film, in 2D.

The Stewardesses 3D Blu-ray Movie, Overall Score and Recommendation 

The Stewardesses is an exercise in cinema futility. The film offers no redeeming value, especially aesthetically and narratively where the film proper is concerned, but those seeking out bare breasts and lengthy lovemaking sessions (including one with a lamp) in vintage 3D will probably find this to be of at least some value. The video presentation shows warts but looks good enough all things considered, but the 3D content, the major selling point, is fantastic. Audio is only baseline effective and supplements are essentially comprised of a 2D/3D version of a half-hour short film that's more sexually explicit and more fun than anything in the full-length movie. Fans, the curiously minded, and those wishing to support both the 3D format would be wise to buy, but general audiences should probably steer clear.