The Minion Blu-ray Movie

Rating summary

Movie		2.0
Video		3.5
Audio		3.0
Extras		2.5
Overall		3.0

The Minion Blu-ray Movie Review

Reviewed by Brian Orndorf March 20, 2019

1998’s “The Minion” attempts to cash-in on millennium fever, imagining a futureworld of 1999, where global temperatures are rising, unrest is taking over the world, and the countdown to the year 2000 begins. It’s a tight timetable for the picture, which hopes to communicate an apocalyptic scenario a year before such an event is about to take place, but thinking ahead is not one of the feature’s strengths. In fact, there are no strengths in “The Minion,” with pits Dolph Lundgren against Wendigo, an evil force who’s been locked up for centuries, itching to be released and bring utter destruction to Earth. While it sounds like a proper DTV romp, director Jean-Marc Piche doesn’t have a vision for such low-budget combat, in charge of detailing a laborious script by Matt Roe and Ripley Highsmith, which drags along the ground, carrying heavy amounts of exposition, leaving little time to focus on the most important part of the package: Lundgren fighting monsters with a spiked glove. Such diversions are few and far between in this dud, which promises the end of the world, but doesn’t have a plan to get there.

It’s December, 1999, and while the rapidly decaying world awaits the year 2000, archaeologist Karen (Francoise Robertson) has made the discovery of her career. Sent in to investigate a burial chamber discovered under the subway expansion construction project in New York City, Karen uncovers evidence that members of the Knights Templar were stationed in North America long before Christopher Columbus, with one skeleton in possession of a talisman containing a golden key. About to celebrate her big find, Karen is confronted by Lukas (Dolph Lundgren), a Templar enforcer who’s been tasked to travel to NYC and retrieve the key, which has the power to release an evil spirit from its prison, bringing apocalyptic horrors to Earth. Claiming the key, Lukas attempts to return to his order, but Karen refuses to leave his side, with the pair pulled into a chase as the Minion is unleashed, with the malevolent force passing from body to body, ordering these innocents to reach out and kill Lukas and Karen before they have a chance to take the key where nobody could retrieve it.

I suppose “The Minion” could be considered ambitious. It’s B-movie nonsense, but Roe and Highsmith attempt to deliver a deep mythology for the script, dreaming up a key that unlocks a demon, while the Templars have been preparing for such a challenge for centuries, breaking the emergency glass with Lukas, a Russian lost soul who’s found purpose as a man of God. The problem with the feature is how much explanation is required to pour the foundation of the story, and even that isn’t enough to make everything truly make sense. Every time a character sits down to speak, they unload an enormous exposition dump, sweating up a storm as they speedwalk through personal history, biblical might, and current connections. It’s exhausting to watch, with Piche happily bringing his film to a dead stop to make room for verbal world-building, quickly laying down narrative track for the next scene to clear. “The Minion” has reasonable ideas on Y2K fears and the containment of evil, making the gold key the focal point of the chase, but there’s so much other stuff to keep track of, and in a hurry to, with true thrills often shooed away so yet another character can plop down into a chair and explain Christian history, or in the case of Karen, Native American woes.

“The Minion” is inert, and it’s difficult to understand what Roe and Highsmith were aiming for with such limited coin to spend. They bring on the apocalypse, but the movie is made in Canada, making time for a few NYC establishing shots before the action returns to back alleys and what looks to be community pools and churches. There’s no scope to match the key’s history and importance, leaving the viewing experience quite dull. There’s also a problem with Karen, who’s meant to be the expert in the mix, with the archaeologist stumbling across a major find that changes everything about American history. However, she’s generally treated as an annoyance, often unwilling to trust evidence of higher powers in play as Lukas’s sidekick, and Robertson plays the back row throughout the whole endeavor, presenting an ABC TGIF-style shrillness for a film that’s detailing Satanic forces. Robertson is strange casting, showing no chemistry with Lundgren and a limited appreciation for thespian subtlety.

The Minion Blu-ray Movie, Video Quality 

Billed as a "New 2K master," "The Minion" arrives with an AVC encoded image (1.85:1 aspect ratio) presentation. Clarity is satisfactory throughout the viewing experience, with cinematographic limits reached (the production has some trouble with focus issues). Cityscapes are dimensional and interiors provide detail on set decoration. Costuming is adequate, mixing glossier period wear with heavier religious outfits. Hues comes through acceptably, securing mood lighting that ranges from police blues to a more yellow-ish push for the nuclear waste site. Clothing is varied, along with light sources. Delineation is suitable, grain is a tad blocky at times. Source is in fine shape, without pronounced damage.

The Minion Blu-ray Movie, Audio Quality 

"The Minion" wasn't made with cinematic refinement in mind, leaving the 2.0 DTS-HD MA sound mix kneecapped from the start, but the listening experience is underwhelming here. While stillness permits some clarity to dialogue exchanges, the track often deals with action, and such activity encourages a level of competition as elements battle for sonic control. Scoring is dialed up too high, frequently overwhelming performances, which also have a tendency to disappear when the actors speak in hushed tones. Lines are lost here and there. Sound effects lack punch, keeping gunfire and glass smashing muted, unable to provide much of a jolt. Atmospherics are clouded too, sounding more like white noise instead of defined environments.

The Minion Blu-ray Movie, Special Features and Extras 

• Commentary features director Jean-Marc Piche.

• And a Trailer (2:03, SD) is included.

The Minion Blu-ray Movie, Overall Score and Recommendation 

Adding to the to-do list of topics to cover in "The Minion," Roe and Highsmith eventually bring Lukas and Karen to the Native American reservation she once called home, which is neighboring a toxic waste storage facility. The ominous building is home to an ecological nightmare (and provides a fine resting spot for the magic key), presenting the writing with another cause to follow, as Karen's community is powerless to such development, giving in the poisoning of the land. As with a few other subplots, there's a topic suited for its own film, but the production chooses to mash the message in with the rest, confusing the tone of the feature, which often registers as grim when it isn't trying to be cartoonish. Piche occasionally comes up for air in "The Minion," which has a few chase sequences, shoot-outs (with John Woo flavoring), and a climatic swordfight to provide excitement (forget about the spiked gloved that's carefully introduced in the opening act, as the weapon is hilariously lost soon after), but nothing is sustained or developed. The prime draw for the effort is often put on the backburner, keeping the endeavor mostly about explaining everything instead of establishing a starting line and commencing a heated race to prevent the end of life as we know it.