Rating summary

Movie		2.0
Video		4.0
Audio		4.0
Extras		1.0
Overall		2.0

The Longest Week Blu-ray Movie Review

Woody Anderson?

Reviewed by Jeffrey Kauffman January 10, 2015

If there’s any good news to be had with regard to The Longest Week, it’s perhaps that the film is not a long gestating sequel to one of 20th Century Fox’s most iconic films from the 1960s, The Longest Day. Ironically, while The Longest Day was cobbled together by Daryl F. Zanuck from sequences shot by a variety of directors, the World War II saga has a more naturally organic, cohesive feel than this lackluster 2014 romantic comedy, one which attempts to channel the neurotic ebullience of Woody Allen, but which ends up playing more like a film on some sort of mood stabilizer like Lithium. Had The Longest Week been a bit (maybe a lot) better written, one might be tempted to look for implications in the name (and especially the surname) of lead character Conrad Valmont (Jason Bateman). “Conrad” in and of itself seems to conjure up images of a ruling elite, as evidenced by Conrad Hilton, and indeed this film’s Conrad is heir to a luxury hotel fortune. But “Valmont”? Fans of Dangerous Liaisons will no doubt recognize that moniker as belonging to the John Malkovich character (and indeed the same character was portrayed by Colin Firth in a film named after the character which came out a year after Dangerous Liaisons). Is there a point to this patently weird but seemingly meaningful reference? Only if one stretches one’s analytical abilities to their furthest limits, it turns out, for while there is indeed a cloistered naif in The Longest Week who is forced into the world of adult relationships (for better and/or worse), in this case it’s Conrad himself, who has spent most of his life cloistered in a recondite penthouse adorning his parent’s luxe Manhattan lodging. When Mr. and Mrs. Valmont decide to go their separate ways, Conrad is tossed out on his elegant ear, suddenly thrust into a world which he has both literally and figuratively looked down upon for most of his life.

The Longest Week ultimately centers on a romantic triangle of sorts, though one considerably less ruthless and machinating than the one in Dangerous Liaisons. Conrad ends up rooming with an artist friend of his named Dylan (Billy Crudup). Dylan has been romancing a woman named Beatrice (Olivia Wilde), but upon being introduced to her, Conrad realizes he’s actually met her (briefly) before and that Beatrice actually passed him her phone number at that point. What’s a self absorbed, potentially disinherited wastrel to do? Of course, Conrad goes after Beatrice, bedding her without much fuss, at which point the film meanders off into a number of occasionally amusing but never very revelatory sidebars as Conrad begins to reap what he has sown.

To call The Longest Week inconsequential might be a bit of an overstatement, but this is yet another film offering a gaggle of privileged, pampered and insanely overly articulate characters who seem about as real as two dimensional illustrations in a storybook. Speaking of storybooks, writer-director Peter Glanz frames the film as a fairy tale of sorts, replete with an arch narrator (voiced by Larry Pine) who uses words like “personages” evidently without even a hint of irony. If the use of Tony Roberts as Conrad's mysteriously still on the payroll analyst is a tip of the casting hat to Woody Allen, then the appearance (albeit sonic) of Pine will immediately alert film fans to another unmistakable influence suffusing Glanz’s work, namely Wes Anderson. The film’s framings often ape Anderson’s to a tee, and the film is full of twee props that are just as obviously Andersonian, although divorced from any context that Anderson typically provides in his films.

The Longest Week seems to want to be a fable about self discovery, but its overly precious presentation and its often distinctly unlikable (or at least unrelatable) characters make that approach something of a fool’s errand. Had Conrad truly been bereft of his fortune and privilege (something which even the film hedges in its final denouement), Glanz may have had the opportunity to humanize the character beyond his cartoonish exterior. Instead the film simply plays out as a series of occasionally amusing vignettes with a self absorbed gazillionaire trying to figure out how to pay for dinner when he’s romancing his best friend’s erstwhile girlfriend. For salvation to take place, great purveyors of a grace filled storyline (like Charles Dickens, for example) knew their focal characters needed to actually undergo a spiritual transformation from despicable to, well, at least tolerable. Figuratively if not literally, The Longest Week never really deigns to depart from its patrician penthouse to actually mingle with the merely mortal.

The Longest Week Blu-ray Movie, Video Quality 

The Longest Week is presented on Blu-ray courtesy of 20th Century Fox Home Entertainment with an AVC encoded 1080p transfer in 1.85:1. If one can accept the film's deliberately desaturated, rather autumnal to wintry looking palette, the image here is sharp and well detailed, if never especially colorful. Flesh tones are on the pallid side, and a lot of the interior scenes are cast either in relatively bland whites and beiges (as with Dylan's apartment) or browns and blacks (as in clubs and the like that the characters frequent). Fine detail can rise to exceptional levels in close-ups, as with an early shot of Beatrice on a subway where Wilde's tiny scar on her right cheek is easily visible. Glanz and DP Ben Kutchins play with color grading now and again, as with some brief scenes detailing Conrad's childhood which are augmented with a slightly blue-green tinge (see screenshot 6). There are no problems with image instability, and there are likewise no signs of over aggressive digital tweaking of the image harvest.

The Longest Week Blu-ray Movie, Audio Quality 

The Longest Week's lossless DTS-HD Master Audio 5.1 mix provides a suitably wide soundstage for Jay Israelson's Woody Allen-esque jazz tinged score which relies heavily on standards like "Moonlight Becomes You." Otherwise, surround activity tends to be limited to things like crowd noise in scenes like a huge benefit Dylan drags Conrad to (where he "officially" meets Beatrice). Pine's ubiquitous narration is anchored front and center and is always prioritized over any competing elements. Dialogue is presented very cleanly and clearly, and the track shows no signs of damage or any other issues that need mentioning.

The Longest Week Blu-ray Movie, Special Features and Extras 

• The Making of The Longest Week (1080i; 16:14) is typical EPK fare, with some decent interviews and brief stills of scenes from the film as well as from behind the scenes.


• Theatrical Trailer (1080p; 2:03)

The Longest Week Blu-ray Movie, Overall Score and Recommendation 

If you want to watch either a Woody Allen or a Wes Anderson film, chances are you'll go the sources rather than slog through this pretty tired rehash. Glanz is too precious by half with both his writing and direction here, leaving a game cast helpless to do much more than flounder around in beautiful clothes and impossibly luxe settings. Fans of the film should be well pleased by the technical merits of this Blu-ray presentation.