Rating summary

Movie		2.0
Video		4.0
Audio		3.5
Extras		2.5
Overall		2.0

The Decoy Bride Blu-ray Movie Review

You take the high road, this film takes the low road...

Reviewed by Casey Broadwater July 1, 2012

We Americans have a begrudging sense of cultural inferiority when it comes to our distant brethren in the U.K., but let this be some small solace: their rom-coms are just as daft as ours. Oh sure, the accents may make everyone sound smarter—even the thickest back-country Scottish brogue may carry more intelligence than the neutral American intonation—but the same-old narrative conventions? The saccharine too-cuteness? The improbabilities and eye-rolling contrivances? Her Majesty's movies are by no means immune. Dippy case in point, The Decoy Bride, a bit of happy-ever-after nonsense directed by Sheree Folkson and co-written by Neil Jaworski and Sally Phillips. Yank rom-com-ophiles might know Phillips as "Shazza" from the Bridget Jones films, but she's had a rather successful, almost twenty-year career in British television. Her debut feature script, however, ain't so hot. The Decoy Bride features a game cast—including Boardwalk Empire's Kelly MacDonald, Dr. Who's David Tennant, and Sex and the City 2's Alice Eve—but they're thrown together in an overcooked but tepid plot that's made only remotely savory by a side of visual haggis. That is, the film's gorgeous use of Scottish scenery.

Okay, so The Decoy Bride was actually shot primarily on the Isle of Man—a self-governing British Crown dependency just south of Scotland—but it's set on the fictional Caledonian Island of Hegg, a foggy, moss and heather-covered rock that's populated almost entirely by old-timers. Someone calls it "the plain Jane of the Outer Hebrides." It's here that lovelorn Katie Nic Aodh (MacDonald)—herself somewhat of a plain Jane—is returning in romantic defeat after a doomed relationship on the mainland with a musician who dumped her with a lazy metaphor: "Katie, you're a song, but you're not a whole album." She has a thing for "arty types with monster commitment issues," so she's decided to go "man vegan" for a while, which is probably the least appetizing way I've ever heard someone talk about swearing off guys. During her man-moratorium, she plans to help out her sickly mum (Phillips)—who owns a B&B but dreams of world travel—and possibly write a guide book about Hegg, though it's certainly no tourist destination.

It is, however, the setting of a pretentious but widely read novel called "The Ornithologists' Wife," by nebbish writer James Arber (Tennant), who's engaged to the tabloid-hounded American actress Lara Tyler (Alice Eve), an Angelina Jolie-sized superstar. After an aborted attempt at holding their nuptials at a European cathedral—a patient paparazzo named Marco (Federico Castellucio) is discovered hiding inside the church's organ, spilling bottles of his own piss on the way out—Lara decides to secretly relocate the wedding to Hegg, presuming that it's James' favorite place in the world. (In fact, he's never been there; all of his research was googled, and inaccurately at that.) Even on the remote island, the press somehow get wind of the ceremony and descend in a massive drove, forcing Lara's harried agent, Steve—Michael Urie, essentially re-playing his Ugly Bettie character— to improvise a ridiculous PR distraction. With Lara wandering the island in disguise as an elderly biddy, Steve hires Katie to be the "decoy bride" of the title, a stand-in at a supposedly sham wedding. Only, Katie and James are...wait for it...accidentally married for realsies when Katie signs her own name on the wedding certificate. Oops.

Much flat-footed hijinkery ensues. There's a public toilet haunted by the ghost of a heifer. Easily fooled reporters hoof it in herds like sheep across the countryside. Bag-pipes are tooted and an old deaf couple dances together for the film's requisitely mawkish not-a-dry-eye-in-the-house moment. And then there's the camera-toting Marco, dressed like "some sort of brown wizard"—he's pretending to be a monk—who goes into a deep depression when he realizes he's fallen madly for his celebrity quarry. This being a rom-com, James and Katie themselves will inevitably fall in lovey-dovey love, but the process of getting them there is about as believable as the Loch Ness monster. They despise each other initially, of course—hurling insults whilst nomming on wedding cake, locked alone in a castle tower—but when James saves the local lass from drowning, their feelings mutually reverse and deepen. Wake me up for the climactic kiss.

If The Decoy Bride has one overriding problem it's that it suffers from a surfeit of whimsy, with sappy upbeat acoustic guitar numbers and ba-dum-ching jokes and dialogue that induces one face-palm after another. I get that rom-coms are by nature lighthearted and sugary entertainments, but there's no reason—beyond a lack of effort—for them not to also aim a little higher, to be stylish and smart and not entirely overrun with cliches. The film's only saving grace is that Kelly MacDonald and David Tennant do indeed go together like cranachan and Scotch. Tennant has his usual nerdy charm—he looks like an elfish cross between Charlie Sheen and Richard Dawkins—and MacDonald's prim and frustrated expressions make her endearing in a cute if schoolmarmish way. You might root for them to get together, but only to quicken the movie’s end.

The Decoy Bride Blu-ray Movie, Video Quality 

IFC walks The Decoy Bride down the home video aisle with a 1080p/AVC-encoded Blu-ray transfer that seems true to intent. Shot on 35mm, the movie retains a naturally filmic look, with no digital noise reduction or edge enhancement tainting the medium-grained image. Neither are there any obvious compression issues. The picture on the whole is a little soft—almost certainly the combined effect of the film stock and lenses used—but there's never any doubt you're looking at high definition material. While longer shots can be a bit fuzzy, detail-wise, close-ups display a satisfying amount of texture and nuance in facial and clothing features. (See James' ridiculous fur collared vest or the fine lines of Lara's old woman makeup.) Like a lot of rom-coms, the cinematography is a little bland and flatly lit, but color is keenly reproduced here, with a warm yellowish cast covering most scenes, accurate skin tones, and dense but not oversaturated hues. Contrast is decent too, with strong blacks and highlights that never harshly peak. And, of course, the print itself is in excellent condition, with no specks or scratches whatsoever.

The Decoy Bride Blu-ray Movie, Audio Quality 

The film features a lossless DTS-HD Master Audio 5.1 surround track that presents a functional and modestly enveloping mix. The sound design is by no means energetic, but there's been a clear attempt to fill out the space with atmospherics and occasional effects. As Katie rides the ferry back to Hegg, for instance, waves lap convincingly in the rears, an in general there's a good deal of seaside ambience. Birds in the distance. Quiet breezes. Rain pouring heavily. The score by Julian Nott—best known for his work on the Wallace & Gromit films—is standard, inoffensive rom-com fare, but the other musical cues are often ear-gratingly obnoxious. In terms of audio quality, it all at least sounds fine—balanced and clear, if never dynamically aggressive. Dialogue is always intelligible too, even with the occasionally heavy accents. For those that need a little help, the disc includes optional English SDH and Spanish subtitles, which appear in vivid yellow lettering.

The Decoy Bride Blu-ray Movie, Special Features and Extras 

• Interviews (SD, 44:17): Includes sit-downs with actors David Tennant, Kelly MacDonald, Alice Eve, Michael Urie, and Federico Castelluccio, director Sheree Folkson, writers Neil Jaworski and Sally hillips, and producer Robert Bernstein.
• Behind the Scenes (1080p, 12:36): A compilation of on-location footage, with no narration, interviews, or even structure.
• Deleted Scene (SD, 00:30): A quick shot of an old woman asking what marketing is.
• FX Shots (SD, 1:49): A montage of some of the minimal FX work that had to be done on the film.
• Trailer (1080p, 2:11)

The Decoy Bride Blu-ray Movie, Overall Score and Recommendation 

The Decoy Bride is proof positive that Americans don't have the monopoly on mediocre rom-coms. The film's Scottish setting may differentiate it —and I do like the idea of Boardwalk Empire's Kelly MacDonald and Dr. Who's David Tennant together—but this is the same old they- hate-each-other-until-they-fall-in-love story we've seen done better countless times before. IFC's Blu-ray release is solid, and includes nearly forty-five minutes of interviews with the cast and crew, but this is a rental for less discriminating rom-com fans at best.