Rating summary

Movie		1.0
Video		4.0
Audio		3.0
Extras		4.5
Overall		3.5

The Children Blu-ray Movie Review

Reviewed by Brian Orndorf November 23, 2018

1980’s “The Children” is working uphill in the good taste department. It’s schlock, giving it an out when it comes to considered filmmaking, with the production often aiming just for shock value, which in this case covers the use of kids as murderous zombies. There’s a way to pull this premise off, giving the uneasy audience a thrill ride of outrageousness. Writers Carlton J. Albright (“Luther the Geek”) and Edward Terry don’t understand the care required to make a movie where children murder and, in return, are murdered. Some humor remains in “The Children,” but laughs are often buried under the weight of idiotic tonal directions and an absence of pace, keeping the endeavor an absolute chore to sit through when it isn’t completely wrongheaded.

It’s an average day for the residents of Ravensback, with the possible exception of a yellow mist that’s creeped into town, fresh from a leak at a nearby nuclear power plant. A school bus carelessly drives through the mist, rendering all the children onboard deadly zombies with black fingernails who “cook” their victims through the act of hugging. Discovering the empty bus, Sheriff Hart (Gil Rogers) grows concerned about the whereabouts of the kids, setting out to find them with help from locals, including John (Martin Shakar), whose own daughter is missing, causing stress for his pregnant wife, Cathy (Gale Garnett).

There’s nothing advanced about “The Children,” which tries to be a different sort of zombie picture, this time putting the kids of Ravensback on the move, watching them stagger around the community looking for victims to hug. There’s some business with the nuclear plan leak and local hysteria once the empty bus is found, but the screenplay isn’t ambitious, sticking to a routine of kills involving the pint-sized mummies, using their inherent innocence to disarm their victims, moving in for a squeeze that permits them an opportunity to fry their targets. The results are appropriately gross, but after the second time we see this exchange take place, suspense is gone. Unfortunately, “The Children” keeps repeating the danger, rendering the film as little more than a make-up demonstration and a showcase of terrible acting. The real-time staging of the movie doesn’t help the cause either.

No matter what it does, the plot of “The Children” is going to be ghoulish. However, there are degrees of insanity available for the production to toy with, using the uneasy premise to its advantage. Initial scenes with the kids and their death hugs are fine, almost respectfully imagined by Kalmanowicz, but such restraint is removed as the movie unfolds, eventually reaching a point where fantasy is replaced by reality, forced to endure moments where parents grieve over the loss of their babies. There’s no need for that in something so ridiculous, offering a sobering reminder of real-world bereavement in the midst of Z-grade filmmaking. “The Children” has no time for proper editing, acting, scoring (Harry Manfredini casually reheats his “Friday the 13th” horror strings here), and storytelling, but it makes room for tragedy. The priorities for this production are seriously distorted.

The Children Blu-ray Movie, Video Quality 

Vinegar Syndrome includes a note of warning, as elements for "The Children" were incomplete, requiring use of a film print to fill in for missing scenes. During the AVC encoded image (1.85:1 aspect ratio) presentation, it's easy to spot the changes in quality, with print scenes roughed up with some cigarette burns and damage, and there's a slightly pinkish appearance. Negative-sourced scenes are outstanding, delivering a full hit of color as greenery dominates the palette, with rich grass and forest hues. Period fashion boosts clothing, and gore zone visits retain bright reds. Clarity battles with limitation from the original cinematography, but textures keep their definition, surveying fried faces and assorted make-up attempts. Set decoration is intact, open for inspection. Delineation is satisfactory, handling well during the movie's extensive night sequences. Grain is fine and filmic.

The Children Blu-ray Movie, Audio Quality 

The 1.0 DTS-HD MA sound mix does have some sibilance issues, creating unwelcome harshness that mellows as the picture progresses, and levels slightly dip periodically. Intelligibility isn't threatened, as performances remain easy to track, but clarity isn't always available. Scoring is loud, commanding suspense sequences with reasonable instrumentation. Sound effects are adequate, offering snap for gunshots.

The Children Blu-ray Movie, Special Features and Extras 

• Commentary #1 features director Max Kalmanowicz.

• Commentary #2 features producer/co-writer Carlton J. Albright.

• "Childhood Memories" (17:04, HD) is a joint interview with Albright and production manager David Platt, and if you thought "The Children" was an unpleasant film, just wait until you hear how it was made. This is a candid discussion of production accomplishments (Vinegar Syndrome has included a note distancing themselves from the stories shared here), with Albright taking the lead, detailing how the idea for the picture was born, where the crew was found (co-writer Edward Terry's dreams of directing were squashed by his alcoholism), and his honest opinion about Harry Manfredini's score, which the composer would eventually recycle to great acclaim for "Friday the 13th." Casting stories are interesting, highlighting how close Albright was to casting Kevin McCarthy in the lead role, and some talk of the child performers are included. Things get a little uncomfortable when topics shift to the attempted acquisition of a dead dog for one of the feature's "jokes" (one man offered to strangle a dog to help the production), and Platt openly admits a strange mid-movie appearance from a random creep in a car was actually the set's cocaine dealer. Hoo-boy. Getting back on track, Albright discusses the release and reception of "The Children," which apparently drew mile-long lines at a drive-in in Tucson when it premiered.

• "Return to Ravensback" (9:42, HD) is hosted by Michael Gingold, who walks through many of the buildings, graveyards, and forest areas used during the making of "The Children."

• "The Lost Scene" (2:42) is an audio-only discovery of a missing scene that features Sheriff Hart sharing news with a parent that their child has gone missing.

• Archival Video Interview (7:09, SD) returns to Albright, who essentially shares the same information from the other conversation, exploring the origin of "The Children" and its connections to the first "Friday the 13th." Albright is honest about the picture's performances, blaming Kalmanowicz for failure to do his job properly, and he examines how some of the special effects were achieved.

• "Memories of 'The Children'" (3:14, SD) returns to Albright, who's joined by his wife (and child wrangler) Patricia, and Gil Rogers, who shares his in-demand status at the time of production, also appearing on Broadway and television in 1979. He also laments roles lost, including a part in "Deliverance" that was eventually claimed by Burt Reynolds.

• "Making 'The Children'" (2:55, SD) continues with Albright, who permits Platt to have his moment on a couch, exploring the Edward Terry problem and recalling production origins.

• "The Children: The Musical" (11:03, SD) sits down with co-creator Stan Richardson, who shares his interest in horror and music, finding the campy delights of "The Children" perfect fodder for a basement musical production. Excerpts from the show are also included.

• A Theatrical Trailer has not been included.

The Children Blu-ray Movie, Overall Score and Recommendation 

"The Children" is deathly dull, cycling through the same kills and dealing with boring town weirdos. If there's camp to be found, it's ruined by anguish, and such emotional authenticity is suffocated by stupidity. It's a no-win viewing experience, handled by particularly inept filmmakers.