The Cell 2 Blu-ray Movie

Rating summary

Movie		1.0
Video		3.0
Audio		3.0
Extras		1.0
Overall		2.0

The Cell 2 Blu-ray Movie Review

And you thought my job was easy...

The problem with the recent rash of low budget, direct-to-video sequels being released on the market today is that their filmmakers either a) pay so much fan service to their predecessors that originality is chucked out the window or b) so completely ignore everything that made their film's parent series a success that they may as well jettison their misleading title altogether. The Cell 2 (or, depending on your interpretation of the coverart, The Cell²) falls into the latter category: aside from a brief bit of clumsy narration in the opening seconds, a cheap gadget strapped to Tessie Santiago's forehead, and a few lingering rules of engagement, this unabashed drivel has nothing, I mean nothing to do with director Tarsem Singh's bleak, visually sumptuous mindtrip, The Cell. My guess? Writers/producers Alex Barder, Rob Rinow, and Lawrence Silverstein were shopping an unrelated script around town when a shrewd executive, identifying the thinnest of connections, decided to pair their concept with a cult favorite that didn't need a sequel to begin with. But hey... anything to squeeze a few extra bucks out of unsuspecting consumers, right?

The 'Saw' series inspired the filmmakers far more than 'The Cell' ever did...

Gone is The Cell's stunning imagery, its simmering tension, its surreal glimpses into the maligned mind of a psychopath. In their place, The Cell 2 offers a fledgling psychic named Maya Casteneda (Santiago, presumably cast for her vague resemblance to Jennifer Lopez even though she plays an entirely different character) who's helping the FBI track down a serial killer they've dubbed The Cusp (no, seriously... The Cusp). The madman in question kills his victims, resuscitates them, and proceeds to kill them again and again. Wash, rinse, repeat. Maya was the only woman to have ever escaped The Cusp's clutches, but his torturous methods inadvertently opened pathways in her brain that allowed her to develop her extrasensory abilities. Working to overcome her fears and catch a deadly serial killer, Maya has to help a local sheriff (Chris Bruno) save The Cusp's next victim (Amee Walden), deal with the snarky cynicism of an arrogant FBI agent (Bart Johnson who, to his credit, is one of the only actors on set who seems to understand what sort of camptastic production he's apart of), and carefully explore The Cusp's dark mind.

Despite my burning desire to tear through the entire plot -- as well as reveal the identity of the killer (who, honestly, a fourth grader could spot from a mile away) -- I'll refrain from spoilers and simply say this: the only thing that makes The Cell 2 worth watching is a handful of chewy, over-the-top monologues involving its villain. Otherwise, it's direct-to-video business as usual. Effects are laughable distractions that reveal just how little cash television director Tim Iacofano (of 24 fame) had to work with, the script is a hodgepodge of classic horror and psychological thriller clichés, dialogue is mind-numbingly awful, and the trips into Maya's mind are bland, boring, and uneventful. I'd love to see what lies in the mind of a serial killer myself, but where Tarsem gave us horned demons, nightmarish wastelands, and twisted cathedrals (among other visions of depravity and abuse), Iacofano and crew give us iron bars, industrial hallways, and unending shadows. Worse still, gorehounds will balk at the film's weaksauce kills, intellectuals will find more plot holes than should conceivably exist in a single screenplay, and fans of The Cell will throw an absolute fit at what's been done to their beloved original. To be blunt, even if it were on the Sci-Fi network at 3:00 in the morning, with nothing else on, I would change the channel within five minutes. Run away, dear readers... run away.

The Cell 2 Blu-ray Movie, Video Quality 

The Blu-ray edition of The Cell 2 eeks by with a passable 1080p/VC-1 transfer; an oversaturated, overcooked presentation that no doubt renders its source to the satisfaction of its filmmakers. Colors are garish and syrupy: skintones alternate between flushed and bronzed, unchecked black levels frequently absorb detail, and delineation is generally a joke. Still, it's obvious that Daddy Day Camp cinematographer Geno Salvatori was aiming for just such an overbearing, migraine inducing palette. The rest of the picture rises and falls with the requisite limitations of a low budget, direct-to-video release. Detail is decidedly hit or miss -- sharp one moment and spongy the next -- and textures are often smeared by rampant noise reduction. Artifacts occasionally interrupt the proceedings and have their way with high-contrast areas of the image. And a healthy application of post-production sharpening gives everything an artificial edginess that isn't attractive in the slightest. All things considered, The Cell 2 offers a decent high definition transfer that should please anyone who winds their way to the credits.

The Cell 2 Blu-ray Movie, Audio Quality 

Regardless of anything I'm about to write, let it be known that The Cell 2 couldn't possibly sound much better than it does here. With that out of the way, grant me the pleasure of sinking a serrated blade into the amateur-hour sound design Warner's Dolby TrueHD 5.1 surround track has been saddled with. Dialogue is crisp and clear, but the front speakers so dominate the mix that I was rarely able to immerse myself in the film's ham-fisted sonics. Effects are too punchy, the musical score is poorly prioritized, and rear speaker activity is inconsistent and innocuous. LFE support is strong but unnaturally cumbersome; it lacks the fine-precision heft and fundamental oomph I've come to expect from a lossless audio track. Moreover, the sound designers favor volume boosting and normalization trickery over nuanced weight, accurate directionality, or rousing dynamics. It's all so fat and lazy that I found myself marveling at its commitment to mediocrity. Again, I doubt the film could sound any better than it does here, but I wouldn't rush out to recommend this TrueHD track to anyone.

The Cell 2 Blu-ray Movie, Special Features and Extras 

Aside from BD-Live functionality, the Blu-ray edition of The Cell 2 only includes one special feature: a thirty-minute behind-the-scenes documentary in which the cast and crew compliment each other incessantly. At the same time, every one of them blathers on and on about the production's minuscule budget and insanely brief shooting schedule, but it usually comes across as backdoor justification for a bad film rather than a legitimate discussion point. Moreover, most of them are taking the film way too seriously (listening to the writers dissect the themes and psychological complexities of their characters is ridiculously amusing). On a positive note, the doc is admittedly far more entertaining than the flick itself. I found myself digging through the whole thing, if for no other reason than to watch more interview segments with the hilarious and candid Bart Johnson. If you must rent the disc, at least visit this documentary. It'll give you something to enjoy.

The Cell 2 Blu-ray Movie, Overall Score and Recommendation 

Still here? Alright, let me break it all down then. The Cell 2? A mess that has little to nothing to do with Tarsem's original film. Warner's video transfer? An expectedly solid (albeit problematic) bore. The disc's Dolby TrueHD audio? Hampered by its sound design. Supplements? If you count a half-hour back-pat that skims the surface of the production. Skip it, avoid it, walk to the other side of the street if you have to... just resist any lingering curiosity you may have and move along.