Stone Cold Blu-ray Movie

Rating summary

Movie		3.5
Video		3.5
Audio		3.5
Extras		0.0
Overall		2.5

Stone Cold Blu-ray Movie Review

Ah, fun stuff. Fun stuff, indeed.

Reviewed by Martin Liebman July 19, 2015

Identity is critical to a movie like Stone Cold, a hopelessly middle-of-the-pack Action flick that's without a brain cell in its head. Sometimes that identity can come in the shape of a character, a key scene, or a title. Stone Cold, in that regard, is batting 0-for-3. The lead character is a meathead cop, essentially, who infiltrates a biker gang and whose actor, Brian Bosworth, earned a Razzie nomination for his efforts. That might equate to a minor cult status, but it's certainly not something to toss on the top of a resume. Add that the Blu-ray cover makes the movie, and the character, look like something out of a Terminator knockoff rather than a "cop infiltrates biker gang" movie and, so far, identity really doesn't seem much like a priority. How about a key scene? That opening grocery store robbery-gone-bad sure is cool, but it sure looks like a... familiar...way to start a movie. And then there's the title. Poor Stone Cold. Really. It released a good half-a-decade before those words become synonymous with a worldwide icon, and chances are anyone who takes a look at this title will immediately think of professional wrestling, not an entertainingly simple, though fully vapid and cheap, Action flick. Too bad. Really. Stone Cold is kinda fun -- really fun, truth be told -- in a mindless sort of way, a movie that deserves to be remembered as the perfect example of the Action genre grossly oversimplified, but alas, it seems doomed to live on as a footnote to the bigger and better things it seems to recall with every detail, not to mention the bigger and better genre films with which it really cannot compete.

Big explosions.

Joe Huff (Brian Bosworth) is hard-as-nails cop whose actions have landed him a three-week suspension. But he's about to go back to work early. The FBI has requested that he go deep undercover into a dangerous biker gang called "The Brotherhood" that's out for revenge after one of their own is sentenced to a prison term. Huff isn't too keen on the idea, but when he learns that his three-week layoff will become six months -- without pay -- if he refuses, well, he suits up and gets ready to take the ride of his life. He's paired with a sickly germ-phobic partner (Sam McMurray), leaving Huff all but alone in his mission. He changes his identity to "John Stone" and finagles his way to the inside. There, he comes face-to-face with the gang's violent leader, Chains Cooper (Lance Henriksen), with whom Huff engages in a battle of wits as he works to expose the gang and preserve his identity.

If ever there was a "man's man" movie, this might be it. Or, at least, it's vying to be it. Stone Cold is all about big explosions, motorcycles, big explosions, muscular heroes, big explosions, pretty girls, big explosions, motorcycles, big explosions, motorcycles, big explosions, Brian Bosworth, big explosions, a scarred Lance Henriksen, big explosions, and, oh, yes, big explosions. Huge fireballs, lots of different angles, anything and everything to emphasize big explosions. It's a wannabe rough-and-tumble sort, a movie with clearly defined heroes and villains and not a lot of gray area middle ground to cloud out the big explosions. And, darn it, it's kinda fun at the end of the day. Even as it released in 1991, Stone Cold is all 80s Action, a true no-nonsense sort that may not be a particularly intelligent film but it is one that knows what it is, what it needs to be, and runs with the idea of, yes, have a cookie for guessing right, big explosions front-and-center, with everything else merely leading up to the next. Things like bad guys crashing into a stack of Coke cans, characters getting their fingers shredded in a motorcycle's spokes, characters playing William Tell with beer cans and a revolver, and testing out bullet proof vests on live subjects with a hand canon are but some of the crazy antics which call the movie "home." Ah, fun stuff. Fun stuff, indeed.

Everyone's in on the act. While the movie isn't so grossly ridiculous to sink to the level of something like Invasion U.S.A., it's nevertheless a fine example of low-grade fun that never seems to tire of its schtick or show any fear in going full-throttle towards cheery absurdity. The performances are wonderfully hammy, as is the script, but never to a point where the movie approaches self-parody. Brian Bosworth, the former NFL player, tackles his first professional acting gig in Stone Cold, and for as cheeky fun as the performance may be, it never feels like a rookie effort. He soaks up every last ounce of the total absurdity that is his character and the world in which he finds himself. He devours every over-the-top bit and fits right into each scene; his bulging muscles and his mullet haircut do a lot of the talking, as do the general biker scene that's all leather and Confederate battle flags. Ah, fun stuff. Fun stuff, indeed.

Stone Cold Blu-ray Movie, Video Quality 

Stone Cold rides onto Blu-ray with a good, but not particularly noteworthy, 1080p transfer. The image walks the fine line between "film-like" and "processed," generally erring on the good side but showing some artificial flatness and listlessness in places. Still, details are generally fine, with faces not showing too much raw complexity but basic image clarity and finer details, like leathery clothing textures, satisfy. The opening grocery store segment is oftentimes impressive, featuring not only some well-defined foreground details by way of various products lining shelves but also a fairly rich and diverse color palette as well; Coke cans, detergent bottles, and bags of potato chips all stand apart. Big fiery explosions produce some bright, showy oranges. Flesh tones push a little orange, too, but black levels never veer too far off course. A few minor edge halos annoy, as do a few bits of evident aging, but the transfer is otherwise free of grossly destructive artifacts.

Stone Cold Blu-ray Movie, Audio Quality 

Stone Cold's DTS-HD Master Audio 2.0 lossless soundtrack limits the film's ability to really dazzle -- the lack of a subwoofer channel is particularly harmful, and the absence of surround channels also does no favors -- but the basic capabilities carry the material well enough. Gunfire and explosions are adequately hefty, nowhere near as piercing, loud, or booming as they might should be, but strong enough. The lack of surrounds also keeps the audience from feeling more involved in the action, but the film's many dialogue-intensive scenes are presented well enough. Throaty, guttural motorcycle mayhem comes together rather well, presenting with enough raw clarity to be identifiable for what it is rather than a glob of sound, but certainly fans will wish for a richer, more lifelike experience with every such scene. Music satisfies, too, but doesn't enjoy much spread or pitch-perfect definition. All that said, it all comes together well enough to carry the movie, and then some.

Stone Cold Blu-ray Movie, Special Features and Extras 

This Blu-ray release of Stone Cold contains no bonus content. The main menu only offers selections for "Play" and "Chapters." Not fun.

Stone Cold Blu-ray Movie, Overall Score and Recommendation 

Stone Cold is the perfect movie for guys' night in. Order a pizza, grab some beers, and settle in for a retro-tastic Action flick that epitomizes over-the-top 80s flavor (despite clocking in at the end of the era). It's hammy goodness, a bad movie by every measure but a mysteriously fun movie nonetheless that knows its place and audience and finds the perfect balance between stupidity and excess. Ah, fun stuff. Fun stuff, indeed. Olive Films' featureless Blu-ray delivers solid video and audio. Recommended, just for fun.