Rating summary

Movie		3.5
Video		4.0
Audio		4.0
Extras		3.0
Overall		3.5

Stitches Blu-ray Movie Review

The last clown you want at your birthday party.

Reviewed by Casey Broadwater May 8, 2013

If Stephen King's It gives you nightmares, if the thought of accidentally wandering into a Juggalo convention makes you nauseated, if the image of John Wayne Gacy painted up as Pogo at a birthday party sends shudders down your spine—I'd advise you to stay far, far away from Stitches, a deranged Irish horror comedy that invokes the evil clown archetype to full effect. Granted, more people probably say they suffer from coulrophobia—the fear of clowns—than those who legitimately do, but it's safe to note that at this point, the clown profession is forever stymied by its creepy pop culture connotations. The alcoholic clown. The sad, suicidal clown. The kid-murdering clown. Who hires clowns anymore? You can't even pass by a red-nosed jester making balloon animals in the park nowadays without someone cracking an uh-oh, better watch out for Pennywise over there-style remark. Since terrifying clowns have become something of a media cliche, I was initially wary about Stitches, worried that it might be another tries-too-hard slasher poorly executing a blandly unoriginal premise. Actually, the film is funny and sometimes clever and exceptionally gory, striking a likable tone somewhere between The Inbetweeners and Evil Dead 2, part crass coming-of-age comedy and part blood-soaked night from hell.

English comedian Ross Noble is alternately terrifying and hilarious as Richard "Stitches" Grindle, a hard-drinking, chain-smoking Britishization of Shakes the Clown who's introduced violently shagging some local slag inside his filthy caravan, which is perched precariously on the ledge of a cliff. Running late for a gig, he gets "kitted up"—a hip-hop montage shows him putting on his nose, suspenders, and oversized shoes—and speeds off to the home of 10-year-old Tom, whose birthday party is in full swing. The kids at the bash are probably a bit too old for clowns, so they rag on him and botch his tricks and generally act like pre-teen nuisances.

It's all fun and games until Stitches quite literally loses an eye. When one of the kids ties the clown's shoes together, and another throws a soccer ball at him, causing him to stumble backwards, Stitches falls face first onto an open dishwasher silverware tray, a steak knife piercing through one eye and jutting out the back of his skull. He gets up, dazed, pulls the knife out—sending blood spurting all over Tom's terrified face—and promptly dies. A few days later, feeling guilty, Tom wanders into the clown vault at the nearby cemetery—yes, I know, suspend your disbelief—where he sees a gathering of painted-up jokesters performing some arcane ritual involving an egg with Stitches' face painted on it. One of them spies him and, leaning in ominously, says, "A clown who doesn't finish a party can never rest in peace."

The movie picks up seven years later, with Tom—now played by The Sarah Jane Adventures' Tommy Knight—as an anxiety pill-popping milquetoast with an overactive imagination, perpetually seeing clowns when none are present. The kids from his now-infamous birthday party have also grown up into high school stereotypes. There's Tommy's punkish longtime crush, Kate (Gemma Leah-Devereux), his horndog best friend, Vinny (Shane Murray Corcoran), the tubby gay fashionista Bulger (Thommas Kane Byrnes), wannabe photographer Richie (Eoghan McQuinn), and emo boyfriend/girlfriend bullies Paul (Hugh Mulhern) and Sarah (Roisin Barron). Knowing that Tom's single mom will be out of town for his birthday weekend, his mates decide to throw him an epic bash, inviting half the school. Party crashers are a given, but the kids don't expect the return of Stitches, who rises from the grave to give his most riotous performance, cracking pun-heavy jokes whilst dispatching those responsible for his death.

If "homicidal clown on the loose at a high school party" sounds like familiar, formulaic slasher movie material, it is, but Stitches distinguishes itself by committing whole-heartedly to the premise and its potential for over-the-top sight gags and loony, clown-themed kills. Writer/director Conor McMahon has a hell of a lot of fun here—as much as Noble, even, who seems maniacally enraptured—imagining up some of the most ridiculous slasher executions in recent memory. In a clever bit of foreshadowing, each kid's comeuppance is directly related to the way he/she abused Stitches at the original party. One gets his brain balled out with an ice cream scoop. Another has his head inflated with a balloon pump until it explodes, Scanners-style. In arguably the best death, Stitches throws an umbrella through the back of a girl's head, the point taking her eye right out of its socket, jutting nearly out of the screen. (This would've been a killer movie in 3D, actually.) Just when you think it can't get any more grotesque, the umbrella opens, pulping the girl's face and sending chunks of head-matter splatting all over the walls. It's that kind of movie, and gorehounds —you know who you are—will salivate once the party starts and the killing gets going. The movie knows better than to take itself seriously, and seems engineered for those who want to make a Withnail & I-style drinking game of it. Take a shot for every pun, a slug for every kill, and see if you can make it upright till the end.

Stitches Blu-ray Movie, Video Quality 

Stitches is a low-budget indie horror movie—and looks it, with often flat lighting and low-budget indie horror movie cinematography—but I have no complaints about the film's Blu-ray release, which features a 1080p/AVC presentation that's consistently sharp and free from distractions. Shot digitally, the image does have some inherent source noise—most noticeable in darker scenes—but I didn't spot any major compression artifacts or encode glitches, nor DNR or harsh edge enhancement. The picture seems entirely true to source. Lensing is usually very sharp, with a fine level of detail visible in facial and clothing textures, not only in closeups but also in medium-length shots, with softness only creeping into wide camera setups. Color density and saturation is also satisfying; the realistic visual palette is punched up with clown makeup and splashes of crimson viscera, and contrast is tight without looking exaggerated. Most of the film takes place at night, so there are thankfully no issues with crushed shadows. A great-for-what-it-is Blu-ray encode.

Stitches Blu-ray Movie, Audio Quality 

Stitches clowns onto Blu-ray with a lossless DTS-HD Master Audio 5.1 surround track that's rarely noteworthy but doesn't make any obvious aural mistakes either. The sound design is pretty typical for this kind of indie horror movie. Dialogue sits at the forefront—it's always clean and easy to understand, despite the occasionally heavy Irish accents—and the perimeter of the mix is used for ambience and occasional cross-channel movements. Party chatter. Wind and rain and rumbling thunder. Gross-out visceral sound effects. The usual. Paul McDonnell's original score fills in the gaps, and there's plenty of diegetic music at the party, including arguably one of the best and most appropriate cinematic usages of Cutting Crew's "(I Just) Died in Your Arms." Everything is clear and well-balanced, if never particularly aggressive or engaging. The disc also includes an uncompressed Linear PCM 2.0 stereo mix-down and optional English SDH and Spanish subtitles.

Stitches Blu-ray Movie, Special Features and Extras 

• Commentary with Actor Ross Noble and Writer/Director Conor McMahon: The film's director and star have a laugh-filled conversation about the making of the movie; definitely worthwhile for Noble's often hilarious observations about his first feature film appearance.
• Making Of (HD, 20:03): A fun, well-paced production documentary with the usual assortment of interviews and behind-the-scenes footage.
• Bloopers (HD, 4:13): Your usual assortment of funny flubs and expletives.
• Trailer (HD, 2:07)

Stitches Blu-ray Movie, Overall Score and Recommendation 

I wasn't expecting much from Stitches—the Blu-ray cover art and general premise don't exactly inspire viewer confidence—but the film is a bloody/funny riff on 1980s-style horror, with over-the-top kills, ridiculous sight gags, and a surplus of black humor from comedian Ross Noble in his first feature film role. I can see the movie amassing a cult audience of low-budget slasher fans, who will appreciate writer/director Conor McMahon's dedication to the genre's best attributes. Curious buyers should be happy with MPI's Blu-ray release as well; it features solid picture quality and some fun extras, including a worthwhile commentary track with McMahon and Noble, and a decent making-of documentary. Recommended for gorehounds and appreciators of kooky indie horror, but clown-o-phobes should stay far, far away.