StarCrash Blu-ray Movie

Rating summary

Movie		1.5
Video		4.0
Audio		4.0
Extras		5.0
Overall		4.0

StarCrash Blu-ray Movie Review

It might be awful, but there's still a lot to love about 'Starcrash.'

Reviewed by Martin Liebman September 15, 2010

We've just survived an attack by the most powerful weapon in the entire galaxy! (Weeeeeeeee!!!!!)

Starcrash may very well be the worst movie ever made. When considering every element -- its ridiculously shoddy production values, dreadful acting, terrible special effects, health-hazardous pacing, cringe-worthy dialogue, and a plot that not only doesn't make much sense but rips off Star Wars and Ray Harryhausen -- it's hard to argue against the movie's long list of credentials for that honor. Oh yes, being in the running for "worst movie ever made" is indeed an honor, because it takes some real effort -- or at least a lot of bad luck and zero know-how -- to make a movie this memorably terrible and a movie so structurally confused and boring that one's very likely to think it's over when there's actually a half-hour or so more to go. Still, Starcrash is likely to engender in its viewers a sense of awe that they're experiencing a once-in-a-lifetime level of dreadful to the point that there's a desire to see it play out as long as possible to find out just how much lower it can go. Indeed, Starcrash continues to get increasingly worse as the movie plays out -- it blatantly steals scenes from one movie here, an idea from another there; it casts an actor with some oddball Southern accent as a robot; it revels in some of the cheesiest dialogue ever heard in film; and it features acting that gets progressively more over-the-top until the very end -- and seems to just build its legacy with every shot, scene, and sequence until it's solidified itself as an all-time clunker. Best of all? Starcrash is uproariously, but unintentionally, funny, making the movie highly watchable despite being historically bad.

The Schwartz is weak with this one...

The galaxy is split between two warring factions. One one side is the peaceful Emperor of the First Cicle of the Universe (Christopher Plummer, The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus), and on the other is the maniacal Count Zarth Arn (Joe Spinell) who wishes only to rule the universe by any means necessary. When the Emperor's son is lost in an encounter with a powerful new weapon created by Count Zarth Arn, he commutes the prison sentences of two of the galaxies most notorious criminals, Stella Star (Caroline Munro, Maniac) and Akton (Marjoe Gortner). Their task: seek out both the Count's deadly new weapon and locate the Emperor's missing son. Their destination: the Haunted Stars, the most dangerous corner of the universe. With the help of law enforcement officers Thor (Robert Tessier) and the robot Elle (Hamilton Camp), Stella Star and Akton set out on the greatest and most dangerous adventure the galaxy has ever seen. Can they defeat Count Zarth Arn's powerful armies and his ultimate doomsday weapon while retrieving the Emperor's one and only son?

The real question in any review of Starcrash? Just where to begin? There's so much to cover that anything less than a shot-by-shot breakdown won't completely do this one justice, so in the interest of time and the space allotted for this review, only several lowlights will be covered. First, and most obviously, Starcrash exists merely to cash in on Star Wars mania; it takes only a foreknowledge of George Lucas' classic film and half a brain cell to put two and two together, so that's not exactly a major revelation. Premiering a year or so after Lucas' picture dazzled audiences and garnered a Best Picture nomination, Starcrash even opens with a shot similar to Star Wars' post-yellow crawls open: the famous "Princess Leia's blockade runner fleeing from a Star Destroyer" scene. While there's only one ship in Starcrash, it flies over at the same angle and the ship seems to have taken design cues from both Star Wars vessels. Starcrash's primary story sees two criminals (they could be called "rebels" or maybe even "smugglers," for they're being chased by "the cops" over the film's opening act) tracking down a weapon so powerful it requires an entire planet to conceal (trying to one-up the Death Star, perhaps, a weapon referred to at one point in Star Wars as being the equivalent of a "small moon"). They're working for a peaceful emperor fighting a rogue madman who wants control of the universe. The three main characters -- Stella, Akton, and Elle (what kind of a name is "Elle" for a character voiced by a man?) -- can be seen as Han Solo (Stella), a combination of Luke Skywalker and Obi-Wan Kenobi (Akton, the de facto "Jedi" in the movie who holds a mysterious power and fights with a crude Lightsaber-type weapon), and a C-3P0/Chewbacca hybrid (Elle) whose costume takes design cues from Darth Vader and who gets nervous whilst travelling in hyperspace (C-3PO "hate[d] space travel"). What's more, Starcrash also takes cues from Ray Harryhausen's Jason and the Argonauts, notably during several action scenes built through stop-motion technology with strong resemblance to Jason's skeleton army and the towering Talos statue come to life. No matter the direct and indirect similarities, though, Starcrash has one thing that both Star Wars and the Harryhausen picture lacks : Amazons on horseback!

Ah, yes. "Amazons on horseback." That segues perfectly to a discussion of the film's particularly awful script and dialogue, with emphasis on just how poorly it's all performed. Imagine that "horseback" line being delivered with about the same cadence of a five-year-old proclaiming his excitement for seeing the Easter Bunny at the mall. Now imagine that combined with Southern-ish Trip Tucker (of "Star Trek: Enterprise") accent from a 6' tall "robot." Yup, Starcrash is just that sort of movie, with other gems like "Aha! Looks like the cops!," "All right, we've won! We did it!," "Then, you will all be among the dead!," and "Kill them! Kill them! Over there!," that last one shouted out by a dreadfully over-excited Joe Spinell portraying the evil Count Zarth Arn near film's end as he orders his troops to, yup, kill the good guys as he flamboyantly walks back and forth behind his men, oblivious to the gunfire and seemingly unafraid of being hit in the chaos, caring only that he looks like some combination of Flash Gordon's Emperor Ming and Street Fighter's M. Bison. If ever they give out an award for ridiculously over-the-top acting, Spinell's performance has to be the winner, hands-down. Other than Spinell's, the worst performance easily comes courtesy of Marjoe Gortner as the Jedi-ish Akton; he looks and sounds like he's on something through the whole movie with those wide eyes and that goofy grin that's plastered all over his face in just about every scene. Those two efforts might take the cake, but every performance in the movie is nothing short of abysmal. Even the venerable Christopher Plummer -- who knows why he took part in this -- phones in his effort, but his is still by default the strongest performance in the movie. Take a look at the Starcrash trailer either on the disc or somewhere online. Notice anything odd? Plummer's voice is the only one heard; the reason is explained in the Blu-ray supplements, but when watching the trailer after watching the movie one can't help but think the filmmakers realized that everyone but Plummer was so atrociously bad that there was no way people would plop down a few bucks to go watch what is easily one of the worst group efforts in the history of cinema were they to get even a whiff of the dreadfulness that defines the acting within every scene.

Viewers will also note the picture's extraordinarily cheap-looking sets and special effects. Granted, Starcrash wasn't made by some studio sitting on an endless goldmine, but the movie looks nothing short of awful even considering its low budget. It's not a surprise that bigger movies like Star Wars looked far better than this, but Starcrash pales even next to some of the Science Fiction TV shows of its era, namely "Battlestar Galactica" and, even a year later, "Buck Rogers," both of which have the appearance of mega-blockbusters next to this. Even classic "Star Trek" from the 1960s more often than not showed some more spit and polish and attention to detail. Unfortunately, the problem doesn't just stem from budgetary constraints. Starcrash seems bent on mixing classic elements of 1950s Science Fiction with many of the forward-thinking advances seen in Star Wars, and the result is a look and feel that's far too jumbled for even a meager movie such as this. The picture's packed with elements that range somewhere between flat-out weird and godawful; from a claw-shaped starship to horses dyed red and forced to wear an obviously phony red plastic mask to cover their faces, Starcrash seems consistently bent on finding oddball elements that only make the movie more unusual and not more cohesive. Even some of the laserblasts seem to come out of weapons at an angle or otherwise off-center, and various sound effects have a cheap, no-thought tone. On the plus side, the multicolored star fields look pretty trippy, and the explosions -- for as era-generic as they may be -- are probably the best single effects element in the movie. It's not so much that Starcrash doesn't try; the results just aren't there.

On that note, it's important to frame all of the negativity being hurled towards Starcrash in this review in the proper context. Certainly, nobody can argue with a straight face that Starcrash is the pinnacle of moviemaking, a hallmark for special effects, a demonstration in the pinnacle of thespian talents, or anything of the sort. Nevertheless, for all that's just bad or flat-out dreadful -- there's not much in the film that doesn't fall within that range -- the movie exudes a strange allure for a myriad of reasons. Whether it's to revel in the absurdity of it all, laugh at its atrocious script and acting, or wonder why in the world one of the last major battles in the movie features the main cast simply watching it play out on a screen instead of actually participating, Starcrash is a movie that's going to draw in its audience for several additional helpings, even after it's left a bad taste in the mouth. Even through all the bad, Starcrash features something of an honest, happy-go-lucky tone; while it's a serious movie and not a parody, the well-intentioned filmmakers never seem to take it all that seriously. Nevertheless, Starcrash might have worked better if it were played with a slightly different cadence to give it the feel of a parody like Spaceballs, because so many of its elements -- notably the over-the-top acting -- already seem more like parody than serious filmmaking. Regardless, Starcrash is what it is, and for Science Fiction aficionados, it's nothing short of a must-see for not just for all the wrong reasons, but as the film that's probably the worst of the big Star Wars rip-offs and, in that sense, a pretty historic picture in its own right.

StarCrash Blu-ray Movie, Video Quality 

Shout! Factory brings Starcrash to Blu-ray with a steady and honest 1080p, 1.78:1-framed transfer. No, it's not the sort of pristine film-like eye candy seen on a fresh-from-theaters summer blockbuster given the royal high definition treatment, but considering the picture's low budget, modest origins, and age, this release is nothing short of a revelation. The image exhibits some wobbly opening credits and is littered with random debris, and these represent the biggest flaws to be found within the transfer. Starcrash does sport some excessively soft and fuzzy shots, though the worst offenders are a result of the techniques utilized in bringing the picture's low-rent special effects to life. Otherwise, the image is crisp and stable, revealing wonderful detailing that brings out not only the textures of faces and clothes but, oftentimes, the cheapness of the sets and props; high definition may be both the best and worst thing that ever happened to Starcrash. Better yet, Starcrash never appears to be the victim of digital scrubbing to further clean it up; the transfer displays a moderate layer of grain, but is also home to some slight background noise and a few minor compression artifacts hovering in the background of several shots. Colors are rich and steady, never excessively vibrant but not at all dull, either. Flesh tones retain a neutral tint throughout, and blacks levels, while not pristine, generally impress. Starcrash isn't a go-to reference-quality Blu-ray disc in terms of its visual presentation, but Shout! Factory is to be commended for doing a marvelous job with such a low-rent movie.

StarCrash Blu-ray Movie, Audio Quality 

One of the first pictures to be mixed with the then state-of-the-art Dolby Surround sound, Starcrash has graduated to Blu-ray and earned a steady and exciting DTS-HD MA 5.1 lossless soundtrack. This is a hefty listen with power and volume to spare at reference levels. Much like the video quality, it impresses without achieving elite status; Starcrash lacks the pinpoint accuracy and superior clarity of the top soundtracks, but it offers an enjoyable listen nonetheless. Though dialogue can sometimes get lost underneath a mountain of sound effects, it's generally clear and accurate, though it does unnaturally leak over to the front right and left speakers on a few occasions. Additionally, minor lip sync issues crop up every so often. The track certainly doesn't want for a more aggressive surround sound posture; Starcrash is packed with a cacophony of sound that flows from every direction, and while it's lacking that more precise placement and sense of absolute immersion, the sometimes clumsy but highly entertaining mix does suit the look and style of the movie quite well. The track delivers a nicely-realized low end on several occasions, notably as the giantess Talos rip-off (of Jason and the Argonauts fame) stalks Stella and Elle on the Amazon planet. Starcrash's lossless soundtrack won't win any awards, but it's highly enjoyable and a nice companion to the film.

StarCrash Blu-ray Movie, Special Features and Extras 

Starcrash lands on Blu-ray as a two-disc set, with several special features found on disc one, and a host of additional extras located on a second DVD disc. Disc one features a pair of audio commentary tracks which are the unquestioned highlight of the Starcrash special features bonanza. The first is dubbed History of 'Starcrash:' Making of the Film & Its Importance in 1970s Fantastic Cinema, while the second is labeled as Scene by Scene: Production Trivia, Anecdotes & Critical Analysis. Both feature Starcrash historian Steven Romano sharing his vast knowledge of the picture and covering the movie from most every angle conceivable. He believes he's seen the film no less than 500 times (that works out to about 750 hours or a little over a month of his life), and considering his seemingly unending knowledge of all things Starcrash, one can't doubt that figure. To be succinct, both tracks are nothing less than marvelous listens. In Romano's own words, the first track covers "the history of fantastic film in the 1970s, the background of the key players involved in the making of 'Starcrash,' a bullet point analysis of how the picture was made and where it stands historically." Track two contains "scene notes, trivia bits, anecdotes, [and] critical analysis." Both tracks are easy to become lost in; they're so well-spoken, so informative, and delivered with nothing but an honest and deep love for the material that one can't help but find a whole new appreciation for the film through Romano's words. Romano never pretends that Starcrash is some all-time great picture in the same vein as The Godfather or Bridge on the River Kwai; instead he shares his thoughts on why the picture is a classic within its own little realm. Needless to say, both tracks are must-listens and alone make this set worth buying.

Disc one continues with a pair of featurettes. Interview with Luigi Cozzi (1080p, 41:24) is another impressive piece that features the film's director passionately and with a fondness for the history of the film discussing the origins of his fascination with Science Fiction and Monster movies, similarities to and the influence of Star Wars, the casting, his screenplay, the influences of Ray Harryhausen pictures on the film, John Barry's soundtrack, the picture's release, and talks of a sequel. Next is The Music of John Barry: Commentary of the Score by Composer Mars of Deadhouse Music (1080p, 12:55), a piece that features the deadhousemusic.com founder sharing his thoughts on John Barry's score. He speaks over both parts of the score and still images and footage from the film. Five photo galleries (1080p) are next: Designs, Storyboards, Behind-the-Scenes, Promotional Artwork, and Fan Artwork. Rounding out the extras on disc one is the Starcrash theatrical trailer (1080p, 2:36), the trailer with Joe Dante commentary (1080p, 2:36), the trailer with Eli Roth commentary courtesy of trailersfromhell.com (1080p, 2:58), the French language trailer (1080p, 2:56), a Starcrash TV spot (1080p, 0:32), and several Starcrash radio spots (1080p, 1:33).

Disc two is a DVD with a host of additional Starcrash content, beginning with a collection of 17 deleted and alternate scenes (480p, 36:36). Interview with Caroline Munroe (480p, 1:13:00) is a relatively new and extensive piece that features the actress who played "Stella Star" recounting her career, with emphasis, of course, on her work in Starcrash. Next is Making of the Special Effects by Armondo Valcauda (With Exclusive Never Before Seen Footage) (480p, 24:00). Not just another interview piece, this supplement features Valcauda's text recounting his early work and his contributions to Stracrash appearing over a series of still behind-the-scenes photographs and accompanied by music. What's nice about a supplement like this is that viewers have a chance to see a cast member's career progression leading to his work on Starcrash, rather than the piece simply focusing on the snapshot that was his efforts on Luigi Cozzi's film. Behind the Scenes Footage with Commentary (480p, 19:48) features raw home video footage taken on the set, accompanied by verbal observations recounting the story behind the footage. Rounding out the extras found on disc two is the Starcrash original screenplay, illustrated with storyboards and concept art. This supplement is only accesible through a PC or Mac equipped with a DVD drive. Inside Starcrash's Blu-ray case is reversible cover art and a full-color booklet that primarily features All the Stars in the Universe, a nine-page essay penned by the disc's commentary star, Steven Romano.

StarCrash Blu-ray Movie, Overall Score and Recommendation 

Starcrash earns some love for its status as a "so bad its good" on-the-cheap and underpowered Star Wars clone. It's absolutely awful in every facet of its existence, but it's also oddly appealing for reasons that, even after a couple of viewings, haven't yet fully manifested themselves. Maybe it's as simple as finding new and interesting things that only make the movie worse than previously thought, or maybe it's like that one hideously ugly kitten at the shelter that nobody wants to adopt but that wants nothing more than to give its undying affection to anyone who gives it a chance. There's nothing about Starcrash to love on the surface, but one can't deny the heart and odd appeal that lies underneath the laborious pacing, abysmal acting, laughable effects, and haphazard plot. A bad movie indeed but one with a cult following and well worth a watch for whatever reason, Starcrash is the epitome of ugly moviemaking that nevertheless manages to strike a chord and just wants to nestle into the hearts of its audiences for what it is and for all it's worth. Shout! Factory's Blu-ray release of Starcrash is worlds better than the movie itself. Featuring a fantastic transfer, a quality 5.1 lossless soundtrack, and an incredible array of extras, it's easy to see that this particularly Blu-ray was nothing less than a labor of love for all involved in its production. Surprise, surprise, Starcrash is easily the worst movie yet to come highly recommended based not only on the strength of Shout! Factory's Blu-ray package but that oddly appealing something that makes it worth watching, even if it is one of the worst pictures ever made.