Star Crystal Blu-ray Movie

Rating summary

Movie		1.0
Video		4.0
Audio		3.0
Extras		1.0
Overall		3.0

Star Crystal Blu-ray Movie Review

Reviewed by Brian Orndorf July 16, 2017

Released in 1986, “Star Crystal” is caught between two worlds. Perhaps conceived as an “Alien” rip-off, the production makes familiar genre moves, building up a mysterious threat from another world, and the film is set on a spaceship, highlighting crew panic with a strange invader. But there’s also an “E.T.” aspect to the picture, moving from mean and nasty to cute and cuddly, taking a strange tonal turn that suggests writer/director Lance Lindsay’s original plan for terror was drastically reworked when moviegoing trends changed after the release of the Steven Spielberg masterpiece. Caught in the middle of confusing creative choices, it doesn’t help that “Star Crystal” is also one of the most crushingly boring features I’ve viewed in recent memory. If Lindsay had a vision for the effort, it doesn’t come through here, throttled by an extremely limited budget and lust for padding that simply kills what passes for pace.

In the year 2035, a NASA research team discovers a crystal egg buried in the sands of Mars. Returning to their space station, mysterious trouble arises when the egg hatches, depositing an alien into the bowels of the ship while the humans figure out what to do with the crystal. With the crew ending up dead, a back-up team is summoned into space to investigate, with Roger (C. Juston Campbell) in charge of a motley crew of professionals, including Adrian (Faye Bolt), Cal (John W. Smith), Sherrie (Taylor Kingsley), and Billi (Marcia Lynn). Preparing to make repairs and search for signs of trouble, the unit is forced back into space when disaster strikes, leaving them with a food shortage before a rescue team arrives. Trying to make the best out of a bad situation, flirtations are shared, drinks are downed, and banter flares up, but a more potent threat emerges from the darkness, with alien Gar making his presence known, killing off the crew one by one, forcing the survivors to fight back against an enemy they’ve never encountered before.

Released by Roger Corman’s New World Pictures, “Star Crystal” keeps up the legendary producer’s mission to create something out of nothing. In this case, the action heads into space, visiting Mars with unexpectedly dirtball NASA astronauts who uncover the crystal egg, returning to their spaceship with an unusual prize (and insatiable thirst for Coca-Cola, who clearly gave the production a few bucks to feature their logos so prominently). It’s not the NASA we know and love today, but a strangely Wal-Mart take on the agency, filled with dim-wits who willingly endanger lives by playing around with alien objects. Of course they end up dead. However, the next round of space program professionals isn’t much better, and Lindsay makes a controversial creative choice by keeping all the characters so completely unlikable, forcing viewers to endure childish antics from those entrusted with a major investigation into an easily avoidable disaster. Of course, if there was half a brain in play, there wouldn’t be a movie, but it’s a little odd to watch the regality of NASA professionalism reduced to simple horndog antics, with Cal unable to control his ogling ways around female members of the crew, and Roger, who’s amazingly spineless, is quick to drink with Cal when the going gets tough, leading to a scene of intoxication that would be more entertaining in an effort that didn’t already feel endless.

“Alien” DNA is everywhere in “Star Crystal,” with the action taking place inside the tight confines of a speeding starship. The crew doesn’t understand what Gar is, but lives are soon taken by the creature, who’s born as a lump of slimy flesh and grows into an illuminated orange being with big eyes, covered with goop (nothing, including the beast with needle-like teeth on the poster art, is actually in the movie). Cruelly, attack sequences are few and far between, as most of “Star Crystal” highlights the characters staring at computer screens, slowly, oh so slowly, putting together the danger they’re facing. Dead bodies start to pile up, but Lindsay doesn’t generate urgency, treating the killing spree casually, ignoring the potential for terror, or even a simple gore show, to help satisfy genre expectations.

“Star Crystal” remains in neutral for the entire run time, ending up nowhere with character interactions, which resemble soap opera segments as limited actors are forced to carry the dramatic potential of a movie that’s devoid of tension. Special effects are dull, with spaceship shots recycled, while Gar’s main achievement is the blinking of huge eyes, which he does so frequently to suggest life, the alien looks like he’s having a seizure. Granted, there’s no money here to bring a truly impressive alien being to life, but Gar is painfully rudimentary at times, with his stiff body pushed into frame, likely strapped to an office chair, just to represent movement. It’s cruel to watch Lindsay stick with such simplicity instead of challenging production limitation, working to give “Star Crystal” a faster pace and more punishment for the humans. The majority of the effort remains perfectly still, testing viewer patience to the extreme.

Star Crystal Blu-ray Movie, Video Quality 

Boasting a "newly re-mastered" viewing experience for its Blu-ray debut, the AVC encoded image (1.84:1 aspect ratio) presentation for "Star Crystal" doesn't exactly stun, reenergizing a picture that's not known for its cinematographic impact. Still, clarity is agreeable, finding textures on spaceship sets and human participants, with passable facial particulars. Also interesting is the goopy presence of Gar, with his alien features coming through with modest impact. Colors are decent, surveying the dull gray interiors of the ship, while hues are more compelling with hair color and costuming. Gar's orange glow is preserved. Delineation is acceptable, never slipping into solidification. Grain fluctuates throughout, but it remains mostly heavy and filmic. Source is in fine shape, sporting some speckling and visible cigarette burns. Mild judder is present.

Star Crystal Blu-ray Movie, Audio Quality 

The 2.0 DTS-HD MA sound mix struggles with age-related issues, with the overall listening event muted by pronounced hiss and pops that carry throughout the movie. It's a quiet track to begin with, requiring a substantial boost in volume to bring it to life, but select dialogue exchanges are still difficult to hear, while more emphatic performances come through with reasonable clarity. Scoring is pushed down in the mix, remaining bland and shapeless, rarely supporting suspense needs. Sound effects are basic, but spaceship operational hum and Gar's speaking voice offer surprising fullness and depth.

Star Crystal Blu-ray Movie, Special Features and Extras 

• A Theatrical Trailer (1:30, HD) is included.

Star Crystal Blu-ray Movie, Overall Score and Recommendation 

After testing horror in the first two acts, "Star Crystal" veers toward "E.T."-style sympathy in the finale, though the message of human barbarity and peaceful potential is far too wacky for a feature this tedious. Lindsay aims for intergalactic unity as a representation of Earthly potential and evolution, but he doesn't know how to assemble a story, much less land an enormous idea on the future of humanity. The helmer doesn't earn his payoff, especially when it touches on broad comedy, forgetting that his movie has a body count. "Star Crystal" isn't alone in its desire to siphon a little audience interest from "E.T." and "Alien" (both films have inspired countless imitators), but Lindsay doesn't have the raw materials or the directorial practice to create something at least passably inspired, keeping his picture in a coma from start to finish.