Rating summary

Movie		1.0
Video		2.5
Audio		2.5
Extras		1.5
Overall		0.5

Skinamarink Blu-ray Movie Review

The worst Canadian export since Nickelback.

Reviewed by Randy Miller III June 5, 2023

In my 20 years of movie reviewing, I've sat through plenty of stinkers... but I've only actively hated a few of them in-the-moment more than Kyle Edward Ball's Skinamarink, a laughably padded and self-indulgent exercise in supernatural horror that almost redefines what a film isn't. Why? Because there's a decent short buried under five layers of nothing, and it can't get out. Clocking in at an unbearable 100 minutes, Skinamarink kinda-sorta follows the fate of two children (four year-old Kevin and his older sister Kaylee) during a sleepless night at home, when their parents disappear along with other random objects like doors and windows. Haunted by a sinister voice that all but demands the children hurt themselves, the kids are also frightened by looping noises and seemingly random losses of electricity.

Sounds decent, right? Trust me, it's not. The overwhelming majority of Skinamarink is comprised of static camera shots of empty hallways, baseboards, Legos, and old 1930s-era cartoons on an old tube TV, everything deliberately framed in such a way that you'll rarely see any faces or other important details. Shot on presumably mid-range digital video and further degraded by artificial "print damage" and boosted noise levels, the end result lies somewhere between a 1970s grindhouse flick -- never mind that it supposedly takes place in 1995 -- and the average person's night vision before their eyes have fully adjusted to the darkness. This is actually kind of an interesting visual aesthetic (and probably the only thing keeping Skinamarink from "0.5" territory) but the total lack of narrative action all but kills its effectiveness, as does the distractingly hollow sound design: most of the rare, one-sentence exchanges between the kids sound as if they're being played off a cassette tape, all of it so muffled that forced subtitles appear on screen.

Not that you'll know or even care what's going on, as the general lack of anything is what turns this from "potentially interesting short film" to "waterboard-level torture". Skinamarink might hold the record for least eventful horror movie ever: less than fifteen minutes of its total lifespan are devoted to things actually happening, such as an admittedly effective exchange with the children's mother, who sits on the edge of a bed with her back turned. Any brief moments of promise are almost immediately squashed by the film's monotonous use of static images, whose pulsing shadows hint at potential danger that rarely appears. No joke: I checked my watch twice well before the ten-minute mark, and countless more times during the remaining hour and a half which, for the record, felt about as long as entire sleepless nights I've had during my life. It's not interesting, it sure as hell ain't scary... and if I weren't morally obligated to sit through entire movies before reviewing them, I would've bailed on this thing inside of 20 minutes.

Apparently, the writer/director's goal was to replicate childhood terror by way of a bad dream from his younger days. While Skinamarink's unique aesthetic may indeed trigger some kind of latent nightmare fuel in certain audiences -- and by that extension, actually prove effective to a certain degree -- it doesn't begin to excuse the ridiculous running time, which quite simply uses repetition to the point of absolute absurdity. (Goddamn Psycho was shorter than this, people.) Not to mention the wooden and unconvincing "performances" from its child actors, the lackluster script, a few goofy sound effects, its terrible non-ending, or one of the film's many other painfully obvious shortcomings.

Reportedly shot in a week at the writer/director's childhood home in Edmonton, Canada for $15K, Skinamarink was a mostly crowd-funded production and much of the filming equipment was borrowed from the nearby Film and Video Arts Society of Alberta. (Had a been a contributor, I 'd have demanded to see an itemized list of expenses -- there's no way this cost more than a couple grand.) On the strength of its deceptively well-made trailer and some viral TikTok shine, Skinamarink inexplicably pulled in more than $2M during a brief theatrical run last January. RLJ Entertainment's Blu-ray hopes to capitalize on the film's moderate theatrical success... but while I'm usually a proponent of "your mileage may vary", I can't in good conscience recommended that anyone waste money on this movie, even if you liked the trailer. (Hell, especially if you liked the trailer.) Plain and simple, it ain't worth the disc it's authored on.

Skinamarink Blu-ray Movie, Video Quality 

Shot on a Sony FX6 digital camera with Arri Ultra Prime lenses, Skinamarink looks like 50 miles of rough road; this is intentional, so it's hard to be too critical of RLJ Entertainment's 1080p transfer. (The studio's press release mistakenly indicated that a 4K version would also be available -- a hilarious notion, if ever there was one.) Primarily lit by, well, whatever was available at the time, including a CRT TV and various lamps, any image detail is almost totally absent. The bulk of its visuals are built upon various levels of pulsing noise that, as mentioned above, resembles night vision before your eyes have adjusted to the darkness. Blacks rarely reach beyond medium-gray, depth is virtually nil, and colors border on monochromatic. All things considered, the Blu-ray is authored decently enough, though it's hard to weed out where baked-in problems end and compression artifacts begin. I'll call it a draw, with the caveat that these screenshots don't really show the true level of peculiarity that its visual aesthetic manages to achieve.

Skinamarink Blu-ray Movie, Audio Quality 

Though listed as a genuine DTS-HD 5.1 Master audio surround mix, the wide majority of Skinamarink is much closer to mono with front-forward effects that sound especially hollow and occasionally distorted for stylistic effect. A bit of sonic variety might have gone a long way, but then again I can't really fault the Blu-ray for any perceived shortcomings of the intended sound design. As mentioned earlier, much of the dialogue is extremely thin and muffled, which is paired with analog-looking subtitles while an optional English (SDH) subtitle track fills in the remaining blanks. Somewhat amusingly, we also get an English Descriptive Audio track in which the poor narrator actually sounds pretty enthused during Skinamarink's extremely rare forays into stuff actually happening. A true professional, indeed.

Skinamarink Blu-ray Movie, Special Features and Extras 

This release ships in a keepcase with poster-themed cover art that mimics the admittedly effective trailer, which isn't included. In its place is a full-length commentary, which likely won't change your mind about the film.

• Audio Commentary - Shit, I have to sit through the movie again? Just kidding -- I skimmed this one, although in hindsight I probably should have watched it instead of the film proper since this commentary dialogue rarely overlaps. Featuring writer/director/editor Kyle Edward Ball and cinematographer Jamie McRae, it offers a decent blend of surface-level detail about the film's inception and production, though somewhat frustratingly is one of those casual and mostly light-hearted tracks where nothing went wrong, honest.

Skinamarink Blu-ray Movie, Overall Score and Recommendation 

Kyle Edward Ball's Skinamarink is a painfully uninteresting exercise in supernatural horror that feels like a practical joke on its audience. The endless static shots, clichéd attempts at horror, and near-complete lack of narrative direction will test even the most patient viewers, and I for one couldn't wait for it to be over. RLJ Entertainment's Blu-ray is a mixed bag, offering decent A/V quality (under the circumstances) and a director's audio commentary, which I sincerely regret not watching instead of the actual movie. Either way, I can't recommend this to anyone as a blind buy.