Serious Moonlight Blu-ray Movie

Rating summary

Movie		1.5
Video		2.5
Audio		3.5
Extras		1.0
Overall		1.5

Serious Moonlight Blu-ray Movie Review

Are you serious?

Reviewed by Casey Broadwater February 14, 2010

This is a film that simply should never have been made. When screenwriter, actor, and director Adrienne Shelly was tragically murdered at the height of her career in late 2006—she had just finished directing the surprise Sundance hit Waitress—she left behind several scripts, including the dark romantic comedy Serious Moonlight. Shelly’s husband, producer Andy Ostroy, was determined bring it to the screen, getting Waitress co-star and Curb Your Enthusiasm comedienne Cheryl Hines to direct, and wrangling up oh, there they are has-beens Meg Ryan and Timothy Hutton, along with the now ubiquitous Justin Long and upstart Kristen Bell, to fill out the cast. The resultant, legacy-tampering film is an unmitigated disaster in nearly every aspect. Tonally, it’s a bi-polar mess of weepy sentiment, flat as a medieval conception of the Earth comedy, and jarring, totally out of place violence. The leads shriek and mope through the most inane first-draft dialogue imaginable, and rampant plot holes turn the narrative into a credibility-draining sieve, making me wonder if the screenplay was ever even truly finished before it was shoved posthumously into production.

Exhibit #1

Allow me to delineate the irreparable awfulness of Serious Moonlight, fine readers, with the use of a handy visual aid. Take a look, if you will, at the above screenshot. In this case, a picture truly is worth a thousand words, and if I weren’t obligated to write something, I would just leave it at that, because this shot truly says everything I feel about the film. On the left, Meg Ryan is rolling her eyes—clearly she’s not having a good time. She can’t believe what she’s watching, and she’s heaving a sigh of disbelief. Timothy Hutton, in the center there—yes, the guy duct taped to the toilet with his pants around his ankles, seemingly in the middle of a bowel movement—is clenching his eyes, unable to watch for even one more second. Perhaps he’s actually meditating, hoping to drown out the sound of Serious Moonlight with his mantra. And clearly, he feels trapped. Finally, on the far right, we have Kristin Bell, who is banging the back of her head against the tub and screaming out in primal anger and pained frustration, “WHEN WILL IT STOP?” The film is only 84 minutes long, but I feel like it put me into some sort of interstellar, cryogenic coma, like I might turn off the Blu-ray player when the credits roll and walk outside to a strange future world where all memory of Serious Moonlight has long since vanished. If only it were so.

I suppose I should give you some idea of what the film is actually about, although it’s very generous to say that it’s about anything. Meg Ryan plays Louise, a high-powered, alpha- female lawyer who finds out that her long-time husband Ian (Timothy Hutton) is planning on jetting off to Paris in the morning with his mistress Sara (Kristen Bell). Naturally, she gets angry and throws a flowerpot at Ian’s head, knocking him unconscious. When he wakes up, he’s duct taped to a chair, and Louise informs him that she refuses to release him until he loves her again. Ian tricks her into letting him go, but as he storms out of the house she throws another flowerpot at his head. Clever! This time, he wakes up taped to the john, as Louise obviously doesn't want to stop to clean up any messes while she’s trying to give Ian Stockholm Syndrome. And so the wooing begins. Louis bakes Ian his favorite cookies, serenades him on guitar, and shows him a slideshow of their wedding day. Understandably, Ian proclaims that it would take “an act of God” to make him love her again. Well, whaddaya know. While Louise is out getting groceries, Tom the Opportunistic Gardener (Justin Long) busts into the house to steal some stuff and rough up Ian. When Louis returns, Tom knocks her unconscious, tapes her hands and feet together, and creepily feels her up while Ian watches. Of course, it wouldn’t be a party unless Ian’s mistress showed up, only to get—yes—duct taped and tossed in with the rest of the gang.

So, what starts as a merely dippy, quirky rom-com—Haha, look! She taped him to the toilet!— descends into an awkward Funny Games-lite as Justin Long repeated bashes Timothy Hutton in the head and implies that he could rape Meg Ryan’s character if he wanted. And if you watched the bubbly trailer—it’s been included on many recent Magnolia Blu-ray releases—there’s no way you saw that coming. The intent is to convince us that Ian might actually change his mind about his wife if put in a life or death situation, but it rings incredibly false. Tonally, the film is completely maladjusted, swinging from wocka-wocka comedy to teary-eyed drama to uncalled-for viciousness and back again. The characters’ motivations don’t make any sense, and the violence comes out of nowhere, leaving an especially icky aftertaste, especially considering that Adrienne Shelly was murdered in the bathroom of her Manhattan apartment. It almost goes without saying that first-time director Cheryl Hines has no clue what to do with the material, and neither do the actors, who uniformly deliver pity-inspiring performances. Seriously, no one should have to act in this mess. The film is dedicated to Shelly, but it’s hardly the tribute that she deserves.

Serious Moonlight Blu-ray Movie, Video Quality 

Serious Moonlight looks seriously dreary on Blu-ray, with a 1080p/VC-1 encoded transfer that's murky and flat. The image throughout is noticeably soft—at least it's consistent—and fine detail is almost completely absent, even where you expect it most. Even in close-ups, skin and clothing have no discernable texture, and the folds and creases of the amply used duct tape lack any kind of edge. Grain is easily distinguishable, though, so this isn't the effect of heavy-handed DNR. The color palette is similarly dull; even the rose reds lack vibrancy. It certainly doesn't help that all of the colors used inside the bathroom—where three fourths of the film is set—are dark and drab. The result is a picture that lacks contrast—true blacks are opaque but hazy—and seems overly dim. I attribute this to the uninspired lighting and cinematography, though, and not any defect in the transfer. That said, the opening sequence—with the taxi driving up to the house—is fraught with strange, seemingly compression-related issues. Aside from the fact that this scene is incredibly soft, the yellow tones in the road and the greens of the taxi become oddly pixilated and splotchy. Not sure what happened here, as the problem really doesn't occur elsewhere in the film.

Serious Moonlight Blu-ray Movie, Audio Quality 

The film's DTS-HD Master Audio 5.1 surround track fares slightly better, even though the mix itself is uninvolving and even empty-sounding at times. These kinds of films aren't usually known for their whiz-bang soundtracks, but Serious Moonlight is more vacant than most, offering a front-heavy, dialogue driven experience with almost no rear channel engagement. If I craned my ears toward my speakers and bumped up the volume I could at times make out some slight ambient noise—some wind and birds outside, etc.—but for most of the film, silence reigns in the surrounds. Dialogue is perfectly comprehensible, then, as it never has to compete with any other noises to be heard. The only time the track gets to fill out the space is when the dippy, salsa- inspired score kicks in, or on the rare instance when a pop song or old jazz number is used to set the mood. And the music sounds just fine, with deep stand-up bass notes and plenty of high-end detail, even if it lacks real oomph and presence. A completely unremarkable track, for sure, but it gets the job done.

Serious Moonlight Blu-ray Movie, Special Features and Extras 

Commentary with Cheryl Hines and Producers Andy Ostroy and Michael Roiff
Hines, Ostroy, and Roiff—sounds like a law firm. Anyway, the three get along well and have a good time chatting about the film—there's lot of laughter—but I can't find a single reason why anyone would want to watch Serious Moonlight again just for the commentary.

The Making of Serious Moonlight (SD, 12:21)
This is one of those self-congratulatory featurettes where everyone fawns over one another's work, all intercut with overlong scenes from the film and a smattering of on set B-roll footage. Not much of substance to be found here.

HDNet: A Look at Serious Moonlight (1080i, 4:40)
Director Cheryl Hines gives us a plot synopsis and tells us what the film is all about. Standard issue, shilling-the-film type stuff.

Also From Magnolia Home Entertainment Blu-ray (1080p, 6:50)
Well, at least we get some decent trailers, including Wonderful World, Red Cliff, Bronson, and a promo for HDNet.

BD-Live Functionality

Serious Moonlight Blu-ray Movie, Overall Score and Recommendation 

Serious Moonlight is proof positive that some scripts should remain in dusty filing cabinets, forever unread. This is easily the worst film I've seen so far this year, and I can't even recommend it as a so-bad-it's-good novelty. With Valentine's Day coming up, I have a feeling more than a few people will be tricked into picking this one up, thinking it's a feel-good rom-com, so if you see someone about to buy it in a store, slap it out of their hands or something. Seriously.