Rating summary

Movie		0.5
Video		4.0
Audio		4.0
Extras		0.5
Overall		2.0

Scary Movie 5 Blu-ray Movie Review

Frightening(ly bad).

Reviewed by Martin Liebman August 18, 2013

A wise man once said that when it comes to reviewing a movie like Scary Movie 5, just say "it stinks" (well, that's the family-friendly way of saying what he said) and be done with it. That's great advice, so here it is: Scary Movie 5 stinks.

If only this had been the entire movie.

However, in the interest of keeping the readership on this page a little while longer, here's a bit more on how much the movie stinks. (though why anyone would want to relive this thing or waste any more time than absolutely necessary on it remains a mystery and seems wholly unproductive, particularly considering that there's no surprise as to what's coming in the review). It stinks worse than the flatulence in the movie that supposedly stinks so bad that it at one point stops the narration so the Morgan Freeman soundalike can escape the nasal assault. It stinks so bad that diving into the sewer -- headfirst -- sounds like more fun. It stinks worse than the garbage chute in Star Wars. It stinks worse than...OK, this is getting boring. But not so boring as the movie, however, because Scary Movie 5 is more boring than _____ (just fill in the blank, let's just get this review over with).

Here's a plot summary, or at least what constitutes a "plot." Charlie Sheen (himself) dies while making a sex tape with Lindsay Lohan (herself) after an encounter with a mysterious demonic spirit in the room. His three children are reported missing. They're later discovered by Snoop Dogg (himself) and Mac Miller (himself) who locate the children at a cabin in the woods (the movie really wants to make sure the audience knows it's talking about The Cabin in the Woods). The children that they found at the cabin in the woods (imagine repeating that about a dozen more times) are to be placed in the care of Charlie's brother, Dan (Simon Rex), and his wife, Jody (Ashley Tisdale). The only catch is that they must all live in a house wired with cameras mounted on every wall. It quickly becomes apparent that all is not right and that the children are communicating with a spirit. In an effort to connect with the children, Jody takes up ballet, despite childhood trauma in that endeavor. Ultimately, she and a new friend from ballet, Kendra (Erica Ash), team up to put an end to the possession of Jody's home. Meanwhile, Dan continues his research with an ape named Caesar.

In all seriousness, a movie like this really doesn't require much of a review. The film, and the entire series, has found a comfortable moneymaking niche which means more are likely incoming so long as they continue to turn a profit, and a healthy one at that. Scary Movie V reportedly earned more than triple its budget back in box office returns, and it certainly wasn't for the quality of the filmmaking, the story it told, or even, probably, the cast. So what's the attraction? It's difficult to say, because from a critical perspective there is no attraction. And from a more subjectively influenced pure entertainment perspective, the movie severely lacks. It's rarely funny (Snoop Dogg does earn a few healthy laughs) and tiresomely treks through the modern Horror landscape with little structure and even less purpose. The film drags as it rips Horror and popular culture. It spends a shockingly significant amount of its time showing "time lapsed" footage and it still crawls along so slowly that its 80-some minute runtime feels significantly longer. The film is almost nothing but exaggerations of already tired popular culture references that just add up to a lot of noise accompanied by a familiar face or two. The plays on the better movies feel more forced than funny, though the lengthy "on-off" Evil Dead segment shows some potential but comes up well short of what might have been.

Watching the movie only makes one wonder what happened to the days of classic Comedy and parody when it wasn't just loose plots bonded together by bad pop culture riffs. What's even more strange is that Scary Movie 5 was penned by David Zucker, the genius behind what is arguably the best movie of the genre, 1980's Airplane!. A lot can happen in 33 years, apparently, including a total loss of traditional cinematic qualities and Comedy guidelines, replaced by what's convenient for the moment rather than what's in the best interest of a picture that will withstand the test of time. And it's not that cinema has tanked; it's not what it was, but there's still some fantastic movies being made, and there probably always will be fantastic movies made. Scary Movie 5 just isn't one of them. It completely eschews creativity and artistic vision and legitimate humor of the overt and subtle varieties both -- the kind that made movies like Spaceballs, The Naked Gun, and the aforementioned Airplane! work so well -- in favor of lazily building the movie around whatever might be the popular movies of the day and bundling it with the trash out of the tabloids.

Scary Movie 5 Blu-ray Movie, Video Quality 

Scary Movie 5's high definition presentation has its moments of questionable quality as well as times of high quality, with the latter largely dominating the proceedings. Occasionally, the transfer takes on a murky, soft, dull, uninspired appearance, with flat details and bland colors. However, the majority of the image proves well defined though not always quite so colorfully brilliant. While the image reveals high quality clothing textures and home accents such as wooden floors kitchen appliances, faces sometimes look rather pasty and there's a general flatness to the transfer. The color palette is fairly steady, sometimes bright and showy but never vibrant. Black levels are adequate, while flesh tones never stray far from neutrality. There's nothing exciting here, but neither is there anything overly disappointing.

Scary Movie 5 Blu-ray Movie, Audio Quality 

Scary Movie 5 features a DTS-HD Master Audio 5.1 lossless soundtrack. The track offers good musical clarity and spacing, delivering notes across a fairly wide stage. Some of the heavier "Horror" sound effects come through nicely, with some of the bumps and thuds and whatnot playing with good low end heft and, sometimes, directional sound elements. Exterior atmospherics are handled nicely, while interior sound effects, such as clanking pots and pans, are realistic enough. Dialogue comes through with seamless clarity and ease. This is a basic track that handles the movie's needs well enough.

Scary Movie 5 Blu-ray Movie, Special Features and Extras 

Scary Movie 5 contains only one supplement, a collection of deleted and extended scenes (HD, 9:51). Scenes include Kathy Plays with Tito, Ballet Flashback Extended, Artie Humps Baby, Heather vs. Truck, Live Mommy Dead Mommy, "Almost Gave Birth," Newspaper, and 50 Shades Extended. A DVD and a UV digital copy voucher are also included in the box.

Scary Movie 5 Blu-ray Movie, Overall Score and Recommendation 

Scary Movie 5 stinks. Anchor Bay's Blu-ray release features solid video and audio. Supplements are limited to deleted and extended scenes. Skip it.