Riverworld Blu-ray Movie

Rating summary

Movie		2.0
Video		3.5
Audio		3.0
Extras		0.5
Overall		2.0

Riverworld Blu-ray Movie Review

Soggy, serpentine, and longer than the Nile.

Reviewed by Casey Broadwater June 26, 2010

Riverworld, a three-hour TV miniseries loosely based on the novels of influential sci-fi writer Philip José Farmer, is about, among other things, reincarnation. This is ironic, as the Sci-Fi Channel— sorry, the Syfy Channel (worst rebranding, ever)—is basically resurrecting the franchise after an aborted attempt at a Riverworld series in 2003. Or, I should say, they tried to resurrect the franchise. This new version aired on April 18, 2010, and though it was originally supposed to be broadcast over two evenings—two hours a pop—the network crammed it into a single night, presumably figuring that no one would tune in for the second installment. I know I wouldn’t have. Admittedly, the first half isn’t bad for a “SyFy Original”—the premise is interesting enough—but as the rest wears on…and on…and on, Riverworld becomes less a raging whitewater adventure and more of a slow boat to nowhere. Mercifully, SyFy put down the series once again, and I have a feeling it won’t be reincarnated for some time to come. To recoup some of their investment, they’ve teamed up with Vivendi to put Riverworld on Blu-ray, but without the relative liveliness of commercial breaks, the film is even duller on home video.

Not even Mark Twain can navigate Riverworld...

First, for the newcomers, the whole idea of Riverworld is this: After death, every human being is resurrected on a strange planet—100 times the size of Earth—that’s covered with a nebulous network of rivers. There are people from every milieu and culture here, from conquistadors and samurai to present-day teachers and 18th century explorers. You know how everyone was initially speculating that the island on TV's Lost was a kind of purgatory where people could get a second chance and find redemption? Well, that’s Riverworld. The creators of this planet —hooded, blue-faced humanoids called “Caretakers,” who look like outcasts from Avatar— have terraformed it to effortlessly sustain life. The weather is constant, no one really needs shelter, and food is provided for all from these crazy sci-fi dispensaries called “grails.” Essentially, the bottom tiers of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs are all accounted for, so the planet’s denizens can focus on simply living. All of the inhabitants are reborn here in their peak physical and mental condition— everyone is in their 20s-30s—and people are basically immortal. Even if you “die,” you simply re- emerge from the river after an arbitrary amount of time. You can also abuse this system to teleport around the planet, a practice that’s come to be known as “taking the suicide express.”

I will confess to never having read the books—in fact, to never having even heard of them—but from what I’ve gathered, this SyFy-commissioned adaptation basically bastardizes the source material, using the core premise and some of the characters, but completely doing its own thing otherwise. This is understandable, as Farmer’s Riverworld universe has long since been farmed out to other invited sci-fi writers, who use it to tell their own tales, but some of the changes by screenwriters Robert Hewitt Wolfe and Randall M. Badat are sure to rile up series fans. To give but one example, the protagonist of the novels, Richard Burton—the British explorer, not the Welsh actor—is actually the villain here. The SyFy channel apparently requested an American hero, so our lead is now war reporter Matt Ellman (Tahmoh Penikett), who is killed by a suicide bomber, along with his girlfriend Jessie (Laura Vandervoort), just as he’s about to propose. Matt wakes up in Riverworld, and after the obligatory Charlie Pace-style “Guys, where are we?” adjustments, sets out to find his girl. At first, this seems to be a standard-issue hero journeys through the underworld to find his lost love-type story, a la Orpheus and Eurydice or What Dreams May Come, but we slowly, very slowly, learn of a larger plot. As it turns out, there’s a civil war amongst the Caretakers, who are split between two cults, the Salvationists, who want to destroy Riverworld, and the Second Chancers, who want to protect it. Matt is chosen as a “hero” of the latter group, and he’s pitted against Richard Burton (Peter Wingfield), who also seems to be after Jessie for some reason.

In his quest take out Burton and reunite with his love, Matt meets up with his old cameraman, befriends a 13th century female samurai (Jeanne Goosen), and teams up with Mark Twain (Mark Deklin) of all people, who pilots a nuclear-powered riverboat and is determined to find the source of Riverworld’s rivers. The plot meanders, flowing into countless branching narrative tributaries and lulling with waves of inane dialogue. (Even the attempts to ape Mark Twain’s idiomatic, intensely witty authorial voice bore.) There’s a big battle with Francisco Pizarro (Bruce Ramsay), a power- hungry conquistador. Our heroes meet the designer of the Hindenberg and go traveling about the planet in a giant dirigible. Actor Alan Cumming shows up as an evil Caretaker who tortures Matt by strapping him to a metal gurney and screwing around with his memories. None of this engages or taps into the thematic and philosophical promise of the Riverworld universe. By the middle of the second hour I had completely lost interest in the characters and their endless comings and goings. (Quite literally. Matt is killed and reincarnated often, and each time he has to re-find all of his friends.) There are scenes and even whole subplots that seem unnecessary, unfocused, and overlong. The tortuous pacing and incoherent script absolutely murder the potential of the reincarnated in a world where I might run into loads of cool historical figures premise. As for the production quality and performances, if you’ve ever seen a SyFy Original, you’ll know exactly what to expect.

Riverworld Blu-ray Movie, Video Quality 

For what it is—a three hour, made-for-basic-cable miniseries—Riverworld looks surprisingly decent on Blu-ray. There's nothing inherently cinematic or even remotely theatrical about the 1080p/VC-1 encode—the film was shot on high definition video, so it definitely has that made-for- basic-cable look—but the picture quality here is at least better than what it was on TV, where I guarantee you it had macroblocking/banding issues due to limited cable bandwidth. While softness pervades some shots and digital noise occasionally spikes enough to be noticeable or even distracting— especially during the nighttime scenes in Chechnya—most of the program has a crisp, clean appearance. It's never outright exceptional, but detail is strong, rendering facial texture with clarity— pores, pocks, and whiskers show up clearly in close-ups—and showing off the nuances (and pitfalls) of the made-for-TV costuming, make-up, and CGI. The tones of the landscape and sky are often tweaked slightly to give an otherworldly vibe, but otherwise color is realistic, if a bit dim and lifeless. Black levels vary somewhat—strong during the day, grayish at night—and contrast follows suite. On the technical side of the encode, I didn't notice any glaring compression problems, and though it looks like some DNR was used to smooth away digital noise in certain scenes, it's not pervasive or overindulgent.

Riverworld Blu-ray Movie, Audio Quality 

I hate to keep using "made-for-TV" as a descriptor, but that's certainly the best adjective to describe Riverworld's DTS-HD Master Audio 5.1 surround track. And by that, I mean that this mix has decent sound design for a SyFy original, but it's clear the production didn't have the sonic resources of a major theatrical release. Even during the most action-packed, frenetic parts of the film—the attacks, the explosions, the sci-fi swooshes—the effects are noticeably restrained. The rear channels are used, but only sparsely, with quiet ambience—mostly bled from the front, with rare directional movements— and the world-music-tinged inflections of Jim Guttridge's immediately forgettable score. There's some effective bass response in key sequences, but overall the mix has a flat, unexpressive quality. Dialogue is usually clean and discernable, but there are a few scenes where the actors' voices sound a bit muffled or low. Optional English SDH subtitles are available in easy-to-read white lettering.

Riverworld Blu-ray Movie, Special Features and Extras 

Behind the Scenes with Alan Cumming (1080p, 2:45)
Cumming explains how he's "been blue before"—on the second X-Men movie—and then we get to see time-lapse footage of his time in the make-up chair. Not exactly an exhaustive, behind-the- scenes, "making of" documentary.

Riverworld Trailer (SD, 1:53)

Riverworld Blu-ray Movie, Overall Score and Recommendation 

While Riverworld chugs along nicely for the first hour or so—on the power of its premise alone —the would-be two-part miniseries and potential pilot loses steam once the narrative river starts twisting, taking us who knows where. Most viewers will drift off by the start of hour three, and though fans of the original novels may stick around until the end, they'll be the most disappointed by this adapted misfire. Steer clear.