Rating summary

Movie		3.0
Video		4.0
Audio		3.5
Extras		5.0
Overall		3.5

Return to Nuke 'Em High: Vol. 1 Blu-ray Movie Review

Breathe, Lloyd, breathe.

Reviewed by Brian Orndorf March 23, 2014

When Lloyd Kaufman gets around to making a movie, he doesn’t mess around. The co-founder of Troma Entertainment, Kaufman returns to directorial duties with “Return to Nuke ‘Em High: Volume 1,” a reboot of the cult splatter series from the 1980s and ‘90s. Opening with narration by Stan Lee, a starring credit for “Kevin the Wonder Duck,” and seasoning the agony early with a scene of penile dismemberment and full-body melt, the feature doesn’t waste any time trying to become the zaniest, goriest, more offensive picture of the year. Mission accomplished, but with Troma, a little ugliness goes a long way, and while “Return to Nuke ‘Em High” retains a certain B-movie moxie, its chaotic nature fatigues the film long before it reaches its non-conclusion. Points to Kaufman for the hurricane of sick ideas, but would it kill Troma to show a little patience?

Rebuilding after a nuclear power plant disaster, Tromaville High School has a new neighbor in Tromaganic Foodstuffs, with C.E.O. Herzkauf (Lloyd Kaufman) using contaminated groundwater to create irradiated organic meals to sell to the unsuspecting public, with a plan to get rid of a particularly unidentifiable gunk during “Taco Tuesday” at the school. Monitoring the madness is writer Chrissy (Asta Paredes), whose blog, “Pollution Nerdz,” is chasing Tromoganic’s dastardly ways, but can’t acquire proof. As the kids dig into the green tacos, mutant transformations begin to take hold, with the school’s glee club, the Troma Poofs, evolving into murderous Cretins, bent on devouring students and staff. Lauren (Catherine Corcoran) is the new girl at Tromaville High, immediately sensing romantic feelings for Chrissy (Asta Paredes), eventually locked in a union of mutation once the teens emerge as a “Lesbonic Jekyll & Hyde,” using a giant penis and acidic lactation to destroy the Cretins and save the city.

Plot means very little to Kaufman, who prefers speed over sanity, making the most basic of introductions (mostly text-based to save time) before “Return to Nuke ‘Em High” is off to the races, with the Cretins mauling anyone in their path, serenading their victims with barbershop classics (the most inspired gag of the film, and one that isn’t explored nearly enough). To offer some perspective, there were three original “Nuke ‘Em High” installments (the last released in 1994), making “Return” not only a long-awaited reawakening for fans of the franchise, but also the first of the movies to be shot digitally, offering Kaufman limitless opportunities for wanton destruction. It’s a challenge of visual manipulation the helmer accepts with glee, organizing a steady stream of suffering that typically involves green ooze pouring out of screaming actors or bodies being torn to pieces, set afire, or tossed into the local lake. “Return to Nuke ‘Em High” is an unrepentant gore zone, with all kinds of nasty business inflicted on the Tromaville High student body, while our heroes receive plenty of pain as well. Poor Lauren has it the worst, with the Cretins shoving her pet duck down her throat, whipping the girl into a panic as she hunts for someone to extract the fowl from her mouth without killing her feathered friend.

While the blood flows and nudity is emphasized, Kaufman is also consumed with dishing up as much un-P.C. humor as possible, referencing school and movie theater shootings, naming a faculty member Sandusky, and having his fun with racial stereotypes and transgendered characters. This is Troma after all, a company that’s built an empire on tasteless schlock, so there’s nothing to be concerned about. What’s dismaying about the film is how relentless it is, with little time to breathe between ear-splitting set-pieces performed by iffy actors. Kaufman cultivates insanity, and while there’s something endearingly old-fashioned about the reboot, it’s also difficult to sit though as it spins toward its final act, watching the director simply surrender the feature to nonsensical shenanigans after a relatively straightforward start. “Return to Nuke ‘Em High” dissolves into noise and surreal business involving the heroines and their newfound mutant private part powers, but rarely does the effort inspire a genuine reaction from its audience. There’s no timing here, just bluntness, and boy howdy, does that ever get old.

And for those in a musical mood, the Minneapolis band RapeDoor (don’t look at me, I didn’t pick the name) appears in the picture, performing an insanely catchy suicide anthem titled “Last Song,” deployed during a rowdy party sequence where the leads get cozy on the dance floor. It’s a great tune.

Return to Nuke 'Em High: Vol. 1 Blu-ray Movie, Video Quality 

The AVC encoded image (1.78:1 aspect ratio) presentation for "Return to Nuke 'Em High" carries a distinct HD look, and one that's not always consistent. Reshoots were clearly captured with different equipment, resulting in an uneven viewing experience, with newer footage blazingly colorful and less defined, while principal photography reveals slightly less vibrancy with hues, though the heavy DayGlo colors and costuming make their intended impression, preserving the cartoon nature of the movie. Skintones are pinkish and true. Blacks are pure and deep, without distracting solidification. Some banding is detected. A few scenes display some minor pockets of noise, but there are few overt hiccups to deal with, with the schlocky feature showcased with clarity, if you don't count a few focus issues.

Return to Nuke 'Em High: Vol. 1 Blu-ray Movie, Audio Quality 

The 2.0 Dolby Digital sound mix provides a satisfactory listening experience, but it seems awfully subdued for such a manic picture. Dialogue exchanges (most screamed) are clear and defined, handling disparate comedic speeds and waves of panic. Sound effects and atmospherics are also captured with purpose, adding necessary emphasis with goopy particulars. Scoring isn't pronounced, but remains consistent, while soundtrack cuts bring more energy to the mix, carrying the moment adequately. Considering the low-budget nature of the effort and Troma's intentional shortcomings, the relatively uneventful track finds its place without distortion.

Return to Nuke 'Em High: Vol. 1 Blu-ray Movie, Special Features and Extras 

• Commentary #1 with actors Zac Amico, Clay von Carlowitz, Catherine Corcoran, Stuart Kiczek, and Asta Paredes offers more of a party atmosphere, though one that's fairly consistent with tales from the "Nuke 'Em High" set. Everyone participates with enthusiasm, cracking jokes and sharing BTS tidbits that emphasize the camaraderie on-set. The energy presented here is infectious.

• Commentary #2 with director Lloyd Kaufman, producer Justin A. Martell, executive producer Matt Manjourides, associate producer Regina Katz, and writer Travis Campbell is a surprisingly effective technical track, discussing the bits and pieces of production, extending to camera issues, design elements, and screenwriting challenges. Kaufman is a terrific moderator, prompting participants to share anecdotes and concerns while adding his own thoughts on the final product, bravely admitting mistakes. Everything there is to know about "Return to Nuke 'Em High" is provided here.

• "Casting Conundrum" (7:07, HD) highlights Troma's effort to secure actors, reaching out through social media to find fans willing to bare everything to be a part of the film. Before and after shots for the final cast is a welcome touch.

• "Pre-Production Hell with Mein-Kauf(Man)" (9:44, HD) wades into the contentious planning period for the film, where cast and crew took command of a funeral home, leaving space tight and tensions tighter. Also included are several meltdown moments with Kaufman, who grows frustrated with location roadblocks. It's fascinating stuff and snappily edited.

• "Special (Ed) Effects" (7:22, HD) takes a look at the daily demands of bloodshed, with the crew overworked and overtired as they figure out the logistics of gore, always disappointing Kaufman with their forgetfulness.

• "Cell-U-Lloyd Kaufman: 40 Years of Tromatising the World" (2:11, SD) is a brief montage of highlights from the mogul's extensive career at Troma Entertainment.

• "Edison Device" (3:38, SD) is a music video from Architects of Fear.

• A Teaser Trailer for "Return to Nuke 'Em High: Volume 2" (:59, HD) has been included.

Return to Nuke 'Em High: Vol. 1 Blu-ray Movie, Overall Score and Recommendation 

Not everything is oppressive here, as it's hard to dislike a film that hires Lemmy from Motorhead to play the President of the United States, and Kaufman miraculously wedges in the ongoing car flip gag that's become the Troma Entertainment version of the Wilhelm Scream. "Return to Nuke 'Em High" is certainly motivated, and the Rotten Cotton demographic will undoubtedly be pleased with this endeavor, but noise rarely equals effort. Kaufman tries a little too hard to revive the old Troma magic, and while it's intermittently amusing and always delightfully icky, the movie seldom provides the rousing viewing experience it promises in its highly motivated opening act.