Real Men Blu-ray Movie

Rating summary

Movie		2.0
Video		3.5
Audio		3.0
Extras		1.0
Overall		3.5

Real Men Blu-ray Movie Review

Reviewed by Brian Orndorf July 15, 2015

Two goofy actors such as James Belushi and John Ritter seem like a natural fit for a buddy comedy. 1987’s “Real Men” pairs the men as opposites on the run, giving them time to create idiosyncratic character business and engage in physical antics that play to their individual strengths, creating a playground for silly business to take shape. Writer/director Dennis Feldman (who scripted “Species” and “The Golden Child”) has rough ideas for humor, action, and oddity, but no real game plan to pull anything off. “Real Men” is an awkward misfire that’s determined to be entertaining, but frequently carries on with its shoelaces tied together, wasting time on deadly banter and scripted inanity while Belushi and Ritter struggle to locate consistent performances. It’s loud and madcap, but the feature is weirdly sloppy, resembling a movie that was torn apart and built up again in the editing room, leaving only remnants of ideas, not entire scenes.

Aliens are prepared to help save humanity, correcting an ecological accident, but they’ve grown used to negotiations with C.I.A. Agent Pillbox (John Ritter), who’s just been killed by the Russians. Requiring a lookalike to keep the aliens comfortable as they prepare to bestow final gifts, the government finds Bob (Ritter), an average office drone who resembles Pillbox, bringing in Nick (James Belushi), a top agent, to help escort him across the country to meet at a rendezvous point. Realizing he’s dealing with an easily frightened man, Nick concocts several lies to help inspire Bob’s cooperation, feeding his ego as Russian assassins move in for the kill, hoping to acquire a doomsday device from the aliens. As misadventures ensue, Bob and Nick fight to keep themselves alive and on the move, with the milquetoast man finding the extended sham empowering, while the C.I.A. ace loses his steely professional focus to love with a dominatrix.

I’m not sure what Feldman had in mind when he wrote “Real Men.” The film doesn’t really have a story, just a series of scenes where Bob and Nick trade lines, narrowly escape danger (though to be fair, the Russian killers presented here couldn’t hit the broadside of a barn), and inch closer to their final destination: Washington, D.C. However, before the journey begins, characters are hastily established, with Bob viewed as an emasculated pushover who can’t retrieve his son’s stolen bicycle from neighborhood bullies (led by James Le Gros), leading a dull life of service without much of a backbone. Nick is a cunning government agent, always one step ahead of his enemies, in possession of the map leading to the alien meeting spot. Offered a babysitting mission, Nick isn’t thrilled with the job, but he works his brutish charms in full, trying to seduce Bob with heroism, filling the timid man’s head with faux praise that permits him enough confidence to make the week-long journey.

The manipulation of Bob makes up most of “Real Men,” which depicts the father and husband as a total idiot thrust into the middle of a global conflict that finds him dodging bullets and taking orders from Nick. Feldman imagines Bob as a boob, which doesn’t inspire a character arc that allows the meek man a chance to grow into a soldier. However, stupidity lubricates comedy, with much of “Real Men” following the duo as they encounter random people on the road east, including Russian spies and a day trip to see Nick’s parents, with his father (Dyanne Thorne) recently recovering from gender reassignment surgery, eager to paw at Bob while his son’s in the next room. Why does this scene exist? It’s not entirely clear, but the movie subscribes to this level of randomness, which extends to Bob believing a finger-gun is capable of mowing down enemies, and there’s an alley encounter with C.I.A. agents dressed as clowns, who attack Nick and Bob. And there’s this whole business with Nick’s dominatrix encounter that confuses the effort completely, especially when she shows up in the finale as the pilot of a military helicopter.

Perhaps Feldman thought he was making an early Woody Allen comedy, indulging slapstick from Ritter and imagining wild, disconnected situations where Bob and Nick have to shoot their way out of danger. “Real Men” isn’t funny, barely working up the energy to provide decent buddy comedy banter between Ritter and Belushi, who is seriously miscast as the straight man, with his beefy presence not suited for blank looks. Ritter is manic, but expectedly so, yet he rarely finds purpose within the role, blindly going along with Feldman’s feeble appreciation for physical comedy. The helmer isn’t all that sharp with spatial relationships and editing as well, making “Real Men” look sloppy.

Real Men Blu-ray Movie, Video Quality 

The AVC encoded image (1.85:1 aspect ratio) presentation holds up a little better than most catalog titles. Sharpness isn't a priority here, working with softer cinematography and periods of glamour lighting, but detail isn't completely washed away. Textures remain with facial particulars and set decoration, and costuming retains fibrous qualities. Colors are adequate, looking slightly muted, delivering snap with more outlandish visuals, including the C.I.A. clowns and rural greenery. Skintones are stable. Grain is modest but available, while delineation is consistent, losing little during dark scenes. Speckling is detected, along with a few blasts of debris.

Real Men Blu-ray Movie, Audio Quality 

The 2.0 DTS-HD MA sound mix doesn't flex much of a sonic muscle, delivering some crispiness in the high end. Dialogue exchanges are passable but never remarkable, and while intelligibility remains, there's flatness here that doesn't bring comedic intent to life. Scoring is big, periodically threatening to smother dramatics, but instrumentation is accurate. Atmospherics aren't distinct, but they manage to convey locations and violent encounters. Hiss is present throughout, varying in intensity.

Real Men Blu-ray Movie, Special Features and Extras 

• A Theatrical Trailer (1:27, SD) is included.

Real Men Blu-ray Movie, Overall Score and Recommendation 

An enormous score by Miles Goodman struggles to inflate "Real Men," backing misadventures with musical emphasis. There are a few Spielbergian touches as well, including an alien pen in Nick's possession that doubles as a flying probe, stopping the effort to observe some special effects. All would be forgiven here if there were laughs, but Feldman can't get the feature out of neutral, struggling to find funny business for Nick and Bob as they endure a scattered road trip. "Real Men" arrives with enough talent to make an impression, but the overall work feels constipated and rethought post-filming, sent through an editorial process that pares the brief picture (which comes in under 90 minutes) down to random stabs at absurdity and slapstick. Connective tissue has been removed, which maroons the actors on a feature that gives the impression it was more substantial, more cohesive at one point, and not just a vague sketch of a chase movie interrupted by unclear sci-fi touches.