Pretty Maids All in a Row Blu-ray Movie

Rating summary

Movie		2.0
Video		5.0
Audio		5.0
Extras		0.5
Overall		3.0

Pretty Maids All in a Row Blu-ray Movie Review

Hot for teacher (and everyone else).

Reviewed by Randy Miller III August 18, 2026

French filmmaker Roger Vadim was a director known for erotically-charged style over substance… so it makes sense that his first American film, Pretty Maids All in a Row, arrived during the sexual revolution of the 1960s and early 70s. Undoubtedly greenlit due to the cult classic appeal of Barbarella three years earlier, its most curious claim to fame is a script written by Gene Roddenberry soon after Star Trek's cancellation and eight years before The Motion Picture would relaunch the franchise. But don't get excited: Pretty Maids All in a Row is a confusing, dull, and borderline insulting affair which, like Barbarella, starts out fine before going completely off the rails and never recovering.

The story mostly takes place a fictional Oceanfront High School (actually University High School in West Los Angeles, whose administrators weren't too happy with the finished product), just as awkward virgin Ponce de Leon Harper (John David Carson) finds a dead female student in the men's bathroom. The state police are brought in and Captain Samuel Surcher (Telly Savalas) takes charge of the investigation, working with Police Chief John Poldaski (Keenan Wynn) to gather information and interview staff and students, almost all of whom are totally fixated on sex.

Ponce is only one of our entry points to this bizarre story, with another being his recent mentor: Oceanfront's beloved guidance counselor and football coach Michael “Tiger” McDrew (Rock Hudson), who routinely has sexual relationships with female students and staff behind locked doors. Another is Ponce's lovely new substitute math teacher Betty Smith (Angie Dickinson, one of many actors punching well below their weight here), who's immediately attracted to Tiger but he instead directs her to help young Ponce "come out of his shell"… after hours, of course. This lopsided love triangle wouldn't be considered kosher in any decade, and it mostly serves as the confusing and tasteless "comedic" backdrop that attempts to balance out several darker developments just around the corner.

The bodies of young woman are starting to pile up, so Surcher and Poldaski are now looking for connections including the possibility of an inside culprit, and they must also figure out whether or not certain persons of interest are actually being truthful. Principal Mr. Proffer (Roddy McDowall) tries to maintain order while the school struggles to cope with these unsettling circumstances, while other members of the school community including Follo (James "Scotty" Doohan), Grady (William Campbell), and mousy secretary Harriet Craymire (Susan Tolsky) become part of the colorful collection of adults surrounding the investigation. Tiger's wife Jean (Barbara Leigh) also watches from the sidelines, as does his young daughter, unaware that his average week at work includes several new teenage conquests.

Needless to say, those new to Pretty Maids All in a Row will find its subject matter detestable. I can't imagine that this content was well-received back in 1971 (Roger Ebert called it "embarrassing") and it certainly hasn't aged well… but the uneven pace, extremely confusing plot, and lack of polish are perhaps even more egregious sins if you're somehow able to forgive everything else. Sluggish and tough to finish even at just 91 minutes, Pretty Maids All in a Row is a uniquely baffling effort based on Francis Pollini's darkly satirical 1968 novel, which I haven't read but can only hope has been poorly adapted. An awkward mix of sexual farce and murder mystery, Vadim's film resoundingly fails on both fronts and, quite honestly, could have easily stayed buried as a totally misguided relic of its era.

Warner Archive has nonetheless resurrected Pretty Maids All in a Row on Blu-ray, and the best thing I can say is that its new 4K-sourced transfer bolsters the film's only objective purpose: that of a time capsule. Die-hard fans (apologists?) will appreciate it, of course, but newcomers curious about anyone's involvement here -- Rock Hudson, Angie Dickinson, Gene Roddenberry -- likely won't find anything more than a fiasco, and a pretty boring one at that.

Pretty Maids All in a Row Blu-ray Movie, Video Quality 

Sourced from a recent 4K scan of the original camera negative, Warner Archive's outstanding restoration of Pretty Maids All in a Row really does enhance the film's only strength: time capsule appeal. Fine detail and textures are both extremely strong in ideal conditions, and its era-specific grain structure is well-handled, even during noisy night scenes and other moments subject to tight optical zooms. This purist-friendly presentation will allow 70s kids to appreciate all the landscapes, signage, and other vintage elements of a bygone era, including the clothes and lack thereof. Colors are likewise well-represented with accurate skin tones, very good saturation, zero bleeding, and a palette that's likewise consistent with this cinematic time period. In short, it's an extremely pleasing transfer in all respects and everything runs at a high bit rate on this dual-layered (50GB) disc, so die-hard fans will be over the moon.

Pretty Maids All in a Row Blu-ray Movie, Audio Quality 

Similarly, the DTS-HD 2.0 Master Audio sounds as clean and fresh as its source material will allow and, as always, it's presented in a split two-channel container for wider playback. Dialogue is crisp and intelligible, and the original score by Lalo Schifrin sounds great as well; this includes the main theme "Chilly Winds," which was composed by Schifrin with lyrics by Mike Curb and performed by The Osmonds, who hopefully didn't see the finished film. All things considered, this is an equally impressive effort and likely sounds even better than original theatrical showings.

Optional English (SDH) subtitles are offered during the film only. Sadly, I noticed quite a few mistakes along the way, suggesting they were created via AI/voice recognition. Surely the DVD's subtitles could've been repurposed?

Pretty Maids All in a Row Blu-ray Movie, Special Features and Extras 

This one-disc release ships in a keepcase with vintage poster themed artwork and only one bonus feature.

• Theatrical Trailer (2:43)

Pretty Maids All in a Row Blu-ray Movie, Overall Score and Recommendation 

Director Roger Vadim's Pretty Maids All in a Row is a tasteless effort whose weak attempts at black comedy rarely connect, and its scattershot story doesn't seem at all interested in keeping viewers up to speed. The performances are either flat, off the mark, passable, or somewhere in between. The script by Gene Roddenberry is just as bad, so anyone intrigued by his participation should probably seek out Warner Archive's double feature of Genesis II / Planet Earth for a better "deep cut" fix. Even so, established fans of this sexually charged train wreck will surely love the boutique label's new restoration, which is great enough to consider this a recommended title to the right crowd.