Rating summary

Movie		0.5
Video		4.0
Audio		4.0
Extras		2.0
Overall		1.0

Once Upon a Time in Venice Blu-ray Movie Review

Venice Should Sue

Reviewed by Michael Reuben August 11, 2017

RLJ Entertainment acquired Once Upon a Time in Venice after it sat unreleased for a year—and they should have left it on the shelf. The film is nominally the feature directing debut of screenwriter Mark Cullen, but it's also a vanity project for Bruce Willis, whose career is pockmarked by similarly vapid efforts at self-indulgent comedy, including the Cullen-scripted Cop Out. That misguided parody of buddy cop films at least had the benefit of direction by Kevin Smith, who knows his way around genre caricature, but Cullen doesn't have Smith's experience or savvy, and he indulges Willis' ditsiest instincts. (Either that, or Willis strong-armed his director into doing whatever he wanted, as he reportedly did twenty-five years earlier with Michael Lehmann on Hudson Hawk.) Sloppy, confusing and overpopulated with under-developed characters, Venice is mirth-free from beginning to end.

Willis plays Steve Ford, a disgraced cop and one-time skateboard champion, who is billed as the only private investigator on the beaches of California's famous resort destination and freak show. Yes, you read that right: A 60-something Willis has gotten himself cast as a champion skateboarder, which allows the actor and his stunt double to perform an extended and improbable skateboarding sequence—in the nude. (Yes, you read that right too.)

The film is supposedly about Steve's misadventures, but Cullen makes the odd choice to have it narrated by the detective's nerdy assistant, John, who is played by Silicon Valley's Thomas Middleditch. Willis' Steve periodically vanishes from the picture, leaving John to dominate the screen for lengthy stretches, including an embarrassing opener in which he impersonates a sex addict so that he can infiltrate a self-help group attended by the gorgeous target of one of Steve's investigations. The target is played by Australian swimsuit model Jessica Gomes, whose character is trying to tame her sex addiction and failing, thereby fulfilling every male fantasy about a knockout nymphomaniac. (And yes, she ends up in bed with Willis, among others.)

If you believe the promotional material, the film's plot hinges on Steve's efforts to recover his beloved dog, who gets snatched in a robbery and then becomes a bargaining chip in a murky negotiation with a dim but deadly drug dealer named Spyder (Jason Mamoa, soon to appear as Aquaman in Justice League). But the dognapping doesn't occur until halfway into the film. At the half-hour mark, you still don't know what the movie is about, which is never a good sign. By the end, it's clear that Cullen and his brother/co-writer Robb have done nothing more than string together a loose collection of sketches featuring characters who are supposed to be colorfully comic but are really just an excuse for actors to get some sun and collect a check. Among the familiar faces making cameos are Kal Penn, David Arquette, Elizabeth Röhm, Christopher McDonald, The Wire's Wood Harris and Famke Janssen, all of whom flit through the proceedings, making less of an impression than the gauntlet of transsexual hookers that Steve encounters in one of his many narrow escapes. Adam Goldberg gets more screen time than most as one of Steve's clients, a property owner whose buildings are being systematically targeted by a Banksy-lite graffiti artist. In a joke that doesn't get funnier with repetition, Goldberg's character is known as "Lew the Jew" (but everyone says he doesn't mind being called that, which makes it OK).

Even the usually reliable John Goodman doesn't escape unscathed. He's cast as Steve's best friend, who has just lost everything in a divorce. Goodman is always an interesting presence, but his character is entirely extraneous to the dozen or so subplots that Venice starts and can't be bothered to finish. The film concludes on a cliffhanger that leaves a woman and her teenage daughter in mortal danger—and you don't care.

Once Upon a Time in Venice Blu-ray Movie, Video Quality 

Once Upon a Time in Venice was shot on the Arri Alexa by cinematographer Amir Mokri, who photographed Man of Steel for Zack Snyder and several films for Michael Bay. RLJ Entertainment's 1080p, AVC-encoded Blu-ray is a competent affair that reflects all the usual advantages of digital capture, with superior sharpness and detail and a lack of noise, interference or other artifacts. Night scenes feature solid blacks, and the daytime palette reflects the riotous kaleidoscope of sun-drenched colors for which Venice and its beachfront are famous. RLJ has squeezed the film onto a BD-25 on which several gigabytes of space have been left empty, driving the average bitrate down to 19.99. The encode appears to be capable.

Once Upon a Time in Venice Blu-ray Movie, Audio Quality 

Venice's 5.1 track, encoded in lossless DTS-HD MA, isn't a fancy affair, but it provides a nice sense of the environment through the surrounds, and the dynamic range supplies the requisite impact for gunfire, vehicular impacts and body blows, all of which are rendered with the realism of a live-action cartoon. The score by Jeff Cardoni (Silicon Valley) repeatedly invokes Pulp Fiction by echoing its signature tune, "Misirlou", but the reference only serves to underscore the ineptitude with which Venice attempts to tell similarly overlapping stories about oddball criminals and losers.

Once Upon a Time in Venice Blu-ray Movie, Special Features and Extras 

• Behind the Scenes (1080p; 1.78:1; 16:41): Interviewees include John Goodman, Thomas Middleditch, Adam Goldberg and Emily Robinson (Transparent), who plays the niece of Willis' detective.



• Introductory Trailers: At startup, the disc plays trailers for The Cobbler, Criminal Activities, I.T. and Odd Thomas.

Once Upon a Time in Venice Blu-ray Movie, Overall Score and Recommendation 

If you're going to use a film title that invokes Sergio Leone, you'd better be prepared to live up to the reference. Robert Rodriguez didn't succeed with the third chapter in his mariachi trilogy (Once Upon a Time in Mexico), but at least he tried. Willis and the Cullen Brothers are just slumming. Not even worth renting.