Rating summary

Movie		2.0
Video		4.0
Audio		4.0
Extras		2.0
Overall		3.0

Old Dogs Blu-ray Movie Review

I believe it was the great philosopher Chop Top who once said, "Dog will hunt."

Reviewed by Kenneth Brown March 2, 2010

I don't profess to be a young man. Young at heart, maybe, but the gray snaking its way across my thirty-one-year old scalp and the grooves forming along my world-weathered brow suggest otherwise. Still, I'd like to think my taste in film is continually evolving; that, unlike my parents (who recently began draping bedsheets on their furniture), I'll never find pleasure in the inane antics and desperate humor of a comedy like Old Dogs, a clumsy alpha male in a new breed of "family film" that's neither appropriate for the whole family or particularly funny. Its convoluted setup is both ludicrous and derivative, its characters are contrived and terribly unlikable, and its wince-inducing gags -- heeeeelarious sequences involving drug trips, black-face, virtual reality misadventures, dying pups, Asian stereotyping, homosexual innuendo, and medical mishaps, among other less-mentionables -- are stranded in a strange PG-rated wasteland where laughs and good taste are scarce. Rightfully panned by critics, thankfully ignored by most viewers, Old Dogs should have been put down long before it limped into theaters.

I feel a montage coming on...

Allow me the distinct displeasure of introducing Charlie (John Travolta) and Dan (Robin Williams): longtime friends, irresponsible bachelors, and co-owners of a successful sports marketing firm. Seven years ago, Dan -- mired in depression after a messy divorce -- met, bedded, and impulsively married a one-night-stand named Vicki (Kelly Preston). After sobering up, they quickly went their separate ways, and the reinvigorated businessman moved on with his life. But now, as the marketing duo races to close a lucrative deal with a Japanese firm, Vicki resurfaces and informs Dan that he's a father. Of twins, no less. To complicate matters, Vicki reveals she's about to serve a bit of jail time, meaning dear old dad has the unenviable task of meeting his kids for the first time and taking care of them for a few weeks. Charlie volunteers to help, of course, and clichéd hilarity ensues. Can Dan reconnect with his kids (Ella Bleu Travolta and Conner Rayburn)? Does he even want to? Can Charlie help him discover his inner father? Or will their haphazard shenanigans jeopardize their business deal, their friendship, and Dan's chances at finding true happiness? If any of these questions leave you on the proverbial edge of your seat, wondering if-oh-if Dan can really pull it all off, Old Dogs is for you.

Born from a simple image -- an inexperienced father shakes his little girl's hand while tucking her into bed and saying goodnight -- Old Dogs could have been a sweet and affecting comedy about the growing disconnect between parents and children. Instead, it's merely an exercise in rote life lessons and obvious moral conjecture; an intelligence-insulting cautionary tale aimed at buffoons who have yet to realize the amount of time they spend with their kids has a direct effect on the health and stability of their families. Or worse, aimed at absentee moms and dads desperate to justify their own parental shortcomings and inadequacies. But while director Walt Becker and writers David Diamond and David Weissman wield preachy subtext and syrupy sentimentality with the finesse of a wounded manatee, they also make a habit of dabbling in offensive jokes that have no business being marketed to families with young children. Even when Williams and Travolta begin the laborious process of redeeming their unredeemable misfits, suddenly reveling in the softer sides they buried not half-an-hour before, it all rings false. Dan and Charlie are still the same ugly man-children, still the same ill-equipped adults, still the same troublesome twosome that they were before Dan inevitably decided to embrace fatherhood. Granted, most of the film's more questionable material will fly over any head that's lower than four-feet off the ground -- edgier sequences have been diluted well enough to prevent kids from asking too many uncomfortable questions -- but such base situational comedy and irresponsible jackasses would be more at home in an R-rated boundary-pusher like The Hangover than a PG-rated misfire like Old Dogs.

But even evaluating the film on its own misguided terms allows little to emerge unscathed. Williams and Travolta, both extremely talented actors, push and pull their performances so hard that they nearly pass out from exhaustion. Each one leers and grimaces on cue, bursts out laughing when required, and retreats into reflective silence at a moment's notice. But they neglect to present Dan and Charlie as anything more than caricatures. Seeing the pair fight and fumble their way across the screen -- whether inebriated, hallucinating, falling, panicking, in pain, angry, remorseful, smarmy, or snarky -- is a test of endurance. Watching two icons like Williams and Travolta sell their souls to contend with a faulty tanning booth, a room full of Japanese executives, biochemical puppeteering, a pool of enraged penguins, mishandled medication, a temporarily deformed face, an overwhelming compulsion to eat... it's not funny, it's just painful. Their every line catapults out of their mouths as if they believe it will reduce anyone in earshot to a heap of tears and giggles. Their every expression exaggerated in the hopes of putting fans on the floor. Sadly, they set the tone for the rest of the cast as well. The kids deliver the most measured and effective performances, leaving Preston, Full House's Lori Loughlin, and Rita Wilson to drown in rubber-faced mediocrity. Even Seth Green, the source of the film's only reliable laughs, isn't given much to do, and frequently gets shoved off-camera when Old Dogs needs his presence the most.

A steady parade of cameos are the film's lone saving grace. Matt Dillon, Justin Long, the late Bernie Mac, Luis Guzmán, Amy Sedaris, Dax Shepard, and others liven up the predictable proceedings, if only for a fleeting moment. Alas, their efforts are in vain. Old Dogs descends further and further into the genre abyss until, with a final gasp and shudder, it disappears into the darkness. Approach this one with extreme caution, dear readers. It's nothing more than bargain bin fodder.

Old Dogs Blu-ray Movie, Video Quality 

Overzealous contrast leveling and bronzed skintones notwithstanding, Old Dogs bumbles onto Blu-ray with a fit and faithful 1080p/AVC-encoded transfer. Jeffrey Kimball's spray-on-tan palette, while far from beautiful, is accurately preserved with vibrant colors, flashy primaries, and deep, well-resolved blacks. His searing skies come dangerously close to assaulting the proceedings, but it all works well within the exaggerated confines of Becker's chummy comedy. More importantly, detail remains strong throughout. Edge definition is clean and satisfying, textures are sharp and refined (particularly during closeups), and delineation, though a bit unforgiving, is fairly revealing (minus a few scenes set in a dimly lit apartment). Witness the ravines that form along Williams' forehead, the tidy stitches on Travolta's suits, and the bristling fur on Green's gorilla. Some soft shots sneak in, sure, but each instance should be attributed to Kimball's original photography, not Disney's technical transfer. Likewise, source noise appears on occasion (a nighttime pan of the city is especially problematic), but artifacting, banding, aliasing, crush, edge enhancement, DNR, and other pesky nonsense is nowhere to be found. All things considered, Old Dogs looks as good as it should, and fans will be pleased with the results.

Old Dogs Blu-ray Movie, Audio Quality 

The same applies to Old Dogs' bombastic DTS-HD Master Audio 5.1 surround track. While the film's lumbering, blunt-force-trauma sound design didn't do much to win me over, Disney's lossless outing is commendable, powerful even, and continually gets the job done. Dialogue is crisp, intelligible, and nicely prioritized; LFE output lends weight and heft to every pratfall, jetpack, and exploding clay pigeon; and aggressive rear speaker support effectively spreads lunging penguins and noisy crowds around the film's already convincing soundfield. Moreover, directionality is precise (despite its artificial nature), dynamics are punchy, and pans are breezy and smooth. Inherent issues limit the impact of the experience -- John Debney's music is often either overbearing or underwhelming, and sound effects have been beefed up to heighten the gags they accompany -- but again, that's the nature of the genre beast. I doubt anyone will bemoan the technical quality of Disney's track, even if the soundscape it presents is primed to induce migraines. Suffice to say, the more you enjoy the film, the more you'll adore this Master Audio mix.

Old Dogs Blu-ray Movie, Special Features and Extras 

Whether you enjoyed the film or shook your head through every minute, Old Dogs' supplemental package isn't going to make Disney's chunky 3-disc release any more appealing. A filmmakers' commentary shows promise, but tanks in the first three minutes, and little else improves matters. Ah well, all of the special features are presented in high definition, so I suppose that's a plus.

• Audio Commentary: Director Walt Becker, producer Andrew Panay, and writers David Diamond and David Weissman do little more than spout the words "wonderful" and "super special," tell lame jokes and share cheesy anecdotes, and desperately fish for things to talk about. I was surprised how often the chatty group grew silent, and even more surprised how quickly they ran out of topics to cover. It was a chore to make it through this one.
• Deleted Scenes (HD, 4 minutes): Despite the number of cuts alluded to in the filmmakers' commentary, the disc only includes two deleted scenes and an alternate ending, all three of which fall flat.
• Young Dogs Learn New Tricks (HD, 3 minutes): The film's pint-sized performers interview Robin Williams and John Travolta.
• Music Videos (HD, 7 minutes): Bryan Adams performs "You've Been a Friend to Me," and John Travolta and Ella Bleu Travolta sing "Every Little Step."
• Bloopers (HD, 3 minutes): A bit funnier than the flick itself, but not by much.
• BD-Live Functionality

Old Dogs Blu-ray Movie, Overall Score and Recommendation 

It's fitting that Seth Green, trembling in the brawny embrace of an overly affectionate gorilla, has become the poster boy for the film's marketing campaign. I too felt trapped in the cumbersome grip of a rampaging animal; in my case the unwieldy, contrived, tasteless comedy that is Old Dogs. Oh well, at least Disney's AV presentation is on point. The Blu-ray edition boasts a snazzy video transfer and an able-bodied DTS-HD Master Audio track. If the studio's 3-disc release had a decent supplemental package, one that offered more than a dull commentary and a shortlist of expendable features, I might be suitably impressed. As it stands though, great picture and sound can't save Old Dogs from itself. Give it a rent if you must, just consider yourself warned.