Rating summary

Movie		2.0
Video		3.0
Audio		2.5
Extras		0.5
Overall		2.0

Nine Months Blu-ray Movie Review

Nine months in just over ninety minutes and it still feels too long.

Reviewed by Martin Liebman January 9, 2012

This is why I don’t want kids.

The usually sure-handed Chris Columbus (Home Alone, Mrs. Doubtfire) stumbles with Nine Months, a lazy and predictable Romantic Comedy about love, parenthood, and genre cliché. The idea is stale and the arc unimaginative, and Columbus' reliance on old gags and bland lead characters certainly don't help the movie escape a terribly routine cadence. That's not to say the film isn't without merit or is a total loss. Nine Months certainly has a few moments of catchy silliness up its sleeve. The cast gives the movie its all, for the most part, particularly in the portrayal of those secondary characters who truly spur on the action. It's also watchable to a point, in essence making it one of those movies that's best enjoyed in the background rather than scrutinized with every passing frame and each uttered syllable in search of some meaning which just isn't there. Nine Months has its heart in the right place and makes no allusions that it's anything other than a wannabe warm and cuddly Comedy, even if most of its other pieces are disproportionately out of whack.

Even I know this is pretty bad.

Samuel Faulkner (Hugh Grant) and Rebecca Taylor (Julianne Moore) are a relatively happy couple. They both have good jobs -- he's a psychotherapist, she's a dance instructor -- and their relationship is steady, but Rebecca decides she wants something more. her clock is ticking -- she's almost thirty -- and her hormones and her heart both are telling her it's time for a baby. Samuel isn't too thrilled with the prospect, but, surprise! Rebecca winds up pregnant soon thereafter, anyway. There's only one problem: Samuel just can't seem to come to terms with the idea of fatherhood. He's witness to the "joys" of parenthood when he and Rebecca find themselves in constant contact with the Dwyer family; dad Marty (Tom Arnold) and mother Gail (Joan Cusack) move a mile-a-minute in a futile effort to control their three little rowdy girls, with a fourth on the way. Meanwhile, Samuel's friend Sean (Jeff Goldblum) openly speaks up against fatherhood, going so far as to leave his longtime girlfriend rather than begin a family with her. Lastly, one of Samuel's young patients shows a complete disregard for his father in therapy. It's the perfect storm of negativity, but is it enough to make Samuel follow in Sean's footsteps, or will he let his guard down, embrace the idea, and turn into super dad?

In a sense, the script behind None Months is a real strength. It cleverly creates a few characters who push Samuel into his dilemma and therefore drive the chaos that defines the movie. Does he want some snotty, unappreciative brat -- much like his patient -- in his life? Does he want to turn into the super dad he so loathes? Or does he want to be the secretly depressed loaner like his artist friend? Nine Months almost makes up for its one-dimensional leads because its one-dimensional secondaries represent the perfect foils to the quickly-degenerating Samuel. They're all one trick ponies, but in this case, that's all they need to be. The problem lies with Samuel; his growth throughout the movie is predictable to a fault, and he maneuvers along such a perfectly straight path across the film's readily-evident arc that the ancillary characters become worthless because it's no surprise where either Samuel or the greater story will end up; they're just there, instead, to fill in gaps, a shame because they're so good at their thematically worthless jobs.

The performances are rather good, too, though again it's from those secondary characters rather than the primaries that the movie generates most of its positives. Both Grant and Moore play their parts with a disappointing lack of complexity or authenticity. They choose to just go through the motions of love, surprise, separation, and love again with no real sense of connection; Columbus attempts to fill in the gaps with some cheesy bedroom scenes, nightmare scenarios involving a giant praying mantis, and an unimaginative scene of reconciliation, but all to poor effect. On the other hand, Tom Arnold is at his goofy best in the movie; he exudes enough energy and charisma for the entire cast, and dwarfs Grant in every scene they share. Jeff Goldblum is stable as the movie's de facto conscience, the man who's done wrong by his life and comes to admit as much as the story unfolds. Robin Williams plays a rather funny part as a misspoken Russian doctor who means well and seems to know his craft, even if it sometimes gets lost in translation. As with the characters they play, the secondaries shine brightly, though most of the rest of the movie -- notably its shocking absence of authentic humor and overwhelming amount of forced and unfunny jokes -- exudes only a faint dimness.

Nine Months Blu-ray Movie, Video Quality 

Nine Months features a terribly uneven 1080p Blu-ray transfer. Most obvious is the way the movie transitions from scenes overwhelmed by DNR to those that pass by relatively unscathed by DNR. Many scenes are borderline obliterated by noise reduction, yielding plastic-smooth skin textures, lifeless backgrounds, a sterile feel, and a general flatness. Random scenes, however, retain a natural grain structure that enhances details and provides the image with a stable and pleasant natural film-like texture. Colors, on the other hand, are consistently bright and catchy. They're vibrant but hardly ever gaudy, neutral rather than warm, and certainly never dim. The image shows some heavy spotting and speckling over the opening titles, which greatly diminishes as the film gets going but never quite goes completely away. Banding, blocking, and the like are infrequent and minor. The transfer does maintain good stability and definitely benefits from the boost in resolution to 1080p, allowing for sharper details on much larger display sizes. If it weren't for the frequent -- but not constant -- noise reduction, Anchor Bay would have a nice little authentic catalogue transfer on its hands.

Nine Months Blu-ray Movie, Audio Quality 

Nine Months births a decent but underwhelming Dolby TrueHD 5.1 lossless soundtrack. To be sure, the film doesn't give this lossless presentation much to work with -- this is a routine Comedy soundtrack if there ever was one -- but there are still some chinks in its armor. Music, as it's heard over the opening titles, is adequately spaced -- playing, even, with a noticeable surround support element -- and offers up decent clarity. Elements do seem to randomly lose a little volume and presence at times, dropping down a notch and playing as a touch more shallow than some of the better parts. Dialogue is steady and natural, remaining firmly entrenched in the center speaker. Ambience is minimal to nonexistent. This is a classic "it gets the job done" track, and is one that's not all that distinguishable from a good lossy presentation.

Nine Months Blu-ray Movie, Special Features and Extras 

All that's included is the Nine Months trailer (480p, 2:30).

Nine Months Blu-ray Movie, Overall Score and Recommendation 

Nine Months is, at its best, a decent mid-grade Romantic Comedy, and its finest moments come from the secondary characters and the second-tier actors who play them. The headliners lack chemistry and play the parts with a disappointing routine cadence that saps the movie of much of its potential for charm and energy. Likewise, the plot is predictable to a fault and the film's positives end up being for naught since they really don't do much in a greater sense for the end product. Nine Months has its moments, and diehard genre fans might want to check it out, but it's only a forgettable little venture on its best day. Anchor Bay's Blu-ray release of Nine Months is equally bland. A frustrating transfer, a mediocre soundtrack, and next to no extras make this a rather disappointing all-around release. Skip it.