Rating summary

Movie		1.5
Video		4.0
Audio		3.0
Extras		3.0
Overall		2.5

Malibu Express Blu-ray Movie Review

Reviewed by Martin Liebman April 14, 2019

Malibu Express is exactly the kind of movie for which its Writer/Director Andy Sidaris is known (he also wrote and directed Hard Ticket to Hawaii, also available on Blu-ray from Mill Creek). The movie is light on plot, low on quality acting, high on T&A, and tries to fold in as much budget-crafted action as it can along the way. Malibu Express certainly keeps its priorities in order, emphasizing bare breasts and soft core sex scenes, which appear in copious amounts, sometimes tangentially related to the plot, sometimes just thrown in to extend the runtime, and to extend anything else, for that matter. It's a crude picture but generally well made from a technical perspective. It plays up its point and doesn't disguise itself as anything other than sleazy exploitation that doesn't go all the way.

The movie's plot is entirely inconsequential. It's essentially a loose -- nearly as loose as the ladies -- framework that allows the film to transition from one bare breast or lovemaking scene to the next with some semblance of flow, though the film is certainly not above throwing in random encounters for the heck of it. But here's a quick and dirty plot recap for those who care. Cody Abilene (Darby Hinton) is a wealthy playboy who plays the part of a private eye because...he likes to drive around and talk into tape recorder, have sex with the women he encounters (almost all of whom willingly throw themselves at him), and practice at the gun range, where even with a long-barrel revolver he can't hit a thing. He is contacted by an FBI agent named Contessa Luciana (Sybil Danning) to help the bureau figure out who has been selling sensitive technology to the Russians. There are a lot of suspects, and even more breasts, and Cody is going to have to get his hands on all of them if he's to get to the bottom of things.

It’s worth repeating that none of this matters. The film is all about bare breasts, or breasts that are barely covered, and the women in the film are more than happy to throw them, and themselves, and Cody. He’s usually able and willing to reciprocate, but sometimes duty calls, such as when two scantily-clad ladies surprise him after a shower, claiming they have just docked their boat next to his, and could they please use his shower? What follows is a scene featuring the two of them sharing a very tight shower, after which they overtly proposition Cody, practically begging him to join them. But he must go to work and there’s always another girl, anyway.

There is material for the ladies, too. At one point, Cody faces off against a few bodybuilders out in the desert. All but one of them lose their shirts and flex their muscles before a fight ensues, which quickly turns when Cody punches the only clothed man who has a carbine hidden under his garments and strapped to his chest. Cody is left stranded when the man shoots up his car. Cody walks through the barren desert, for only a moment and without breaking a sweat, before coming upon a used car lot literally in the middle of nowhere where the sexy proprietor immediately reveals her chest to him.

Acting is not the film’s strong suit. Many of the ladies are played by Playboy Playmates who gladly and gleefully serve their purpose, and to the film's credit they are usually given little in the way drastic requirements. Hinton isn't great, either, but he doesn't have to be. His female co-stars do most of the work that the movie really demands (i.e. looking good) and he is perfectly fine at reacting to their presence, which probably required very little acting on his part anyway. Sidaris is simply happy to shoot the film and allow the ladies to grace the screen with their natural beauty and move on to the next opportunity to repeat. But add in choppy editing and the inconsequential narrative and the movie really is just on this side of XXX, and the T&A is its only real value for those who want to sit through a bad movie to see it.

Malibu Express Blu-ray Movie, Video Quality 

Malibu Express' 1080p Blu-ray presentation is sourced from a new 4K restoration. The image is generally very nice, with minimal print damage or encoding artifacts getting in the way beyond some distracting wobble that makes its appearance with some regularity in a number of shots and scenes. The image is densely grainy, a snowy, swarming field that is nicely complimentary of the image's textural qualities. Those details are not stellar, but they are firm and steady, revealing skin, clothes, and environments with sufficient clarity and stability. Colors are firm and nicely saturated, reds maybe a little overblown, but the palette is steady without much evidence of fading. Black levels, however, do appear raised and flat with mild purple push at times. Skin tones appear accurate. For what was a low budget exploitation film, the end result is certainly not at all bad. It's one of Mill Creek's better releases.

Malibu Express Blu-ray Movie, Audio Quality 

Malibu Express features a DTS-HD Master Audio 2.0 lossless soundtrack. The track is flat and bland, not horrifically so but there's little range, zip, or zest to be heard. The front speakers carry the material with a fair sense of place and purpose, stretching a bit to better incorporate effects and music but not so wide and full as to make the speakers disappear. Basic clarity rarely ascends beyond foundational needs, whether considering either of the aforementioned components. Dialogue lacks expert clarity but plays with enough essential definition to never be problematic. It images well enough towards a phantom front-center channel location.

Malibu Express Blu-ray Movie, Special Features and Extras 

Malibu Express contains an audio commentary track, an intro, a lengthy vintage feature, and an assortment of trailers. A Mill Creek digital copy code is included with purchase. This release does not appear to ship with a slipcover.

• Intro (480i, 1:54): Director Andy Sidaris devotes the first half of the intro's runtime to discussing the film's poster art. John Brown and Julie Strain join him at the end. Unfortunately it randomly cuts off before the piece is finished.
• Audio Commentary: Director Andy Sidaris and his wife Arlene discuss the opening titles, working within the film's budget, actors and characters, sets and locations, some technical details and anecdotes, and more. It's a well paced and well spoken track, offering some good, albeit fairly basic, insights. Fans will find it to be a worthwhile listen.
• Behind the Scenes (480i, 43:38): Sidaris, Brown, and Strain, joined by Sidaris' wife Arlene, open with a brief discussion of film stock and move on to discuss some key scenes (which are intercut into the program). It also features behind-the-scenes footage and film clips from other Sidaris films and interviews with cast from other films. There are also some fun moments when Sidaris, who is overweight, and Brown, a bodybuilder, compare body types. Brown is also interviewed. It's a somewhat jumbled piece.
• Malibu Bay Trailers (1080p/480i): Trailers for Malibu Express, Hard Ticket to Hawaii, Picasso Trigger, Savage Beach, Guns, Do Or Die, Hard Hunted, Fit to Kill, Enemy Gold, The Dallas Connection, Day of the Warrior, and Return to Savage Beach.

Malibu Express Blu-ray Movie, Overall Score and Recommendation 

Malibu Express is soft core pornography surrounded by a loose plot and a little action. It's a bad movie, obviously, but it was made to entertain and to titillate, which it does well enough. Mill Creek's newly restored transfer from a 4K scan looks fairly good. The sound is nothing much of note. The studio has included a handful of extras. Worth a look for fans of the film and the soft core genre.