Rating summary

Movie		1.5
Video		4.0
Audio		4.0
Extras		1.5
Overall		2.5

Labor Pains Blu-ray Movie Review

Don't worry folks, Lindsay Lohan is not pregnant.

Reviewed by Dustin Somner September 3, 2009

Once touted the most promising young actress in Hollywood, it seems the years have not been kind to Lindsay Lohan. Pinning blame for her rapid decline can be likened to throwing darts at a ten foot board with separate sections split between the Disney curse, drugs/alcohol, or her manager/mother Dina Lohan. What surprises me the most about young adults in Hollywood, is we often see more of them on tabloid television than we do in film roles. Before long, these images and stories become the persona that defines the actor or actress, overshadowing any potential they once demonstrated. To say a career is over at the young age of 23 is something most people wouldn’t take lightly, but I have no qualms about labelling Lohans career dead so long as she continues to show a lack of respect for her craft and an interest in associating herself with the likes of Paris Hilton. Unfortunately, my low opinion of Lindsay Lohan continues with her latest bit of uninspired acting, stepping into a role that rarely seems distant from the type of antics we’d expect from her in the real world. There’s a reason this film never made a splash (or even a drip) in theaters and I’ll bet it only takes you one guess to name the culprit.

Hmmm....Lindsay Lohan sitting in a circle and it's not Alcoholics Anonymous.

Thea Clayhill (Lindsay Lohan) is less than enthused about her current occupation as secretary for a managing publisher (Chris Parnell) who seems more interested in his poodle than running a successful business. Stuck between her disdain for her job, and the necessity of making enough money to support she and her sister, Thea continues to put up with the ridiculous whims of her boss, which even include washing feces off of his prized four legged companion. Not surprisingly, she soon neglects one of her primary responsibilities, leading her boss to terminate her employment. However, in a desperate move, she claims to be four months pregnant, forcing the publisher into a precarious legal position that necessitates keeping her on staff. Fortunately for Thea, her crotchety boss soon decides to take a few months off to care for his recently injured poodle (one of the shining moments in the film), leaving his younger brother Nick (Luke Kirby) in charge of the publishing firm during his absence. Nick quickly buys into Thea’s pregnancy with the help of her co-worker, Lisa (Cheryl Hines), and an ever expanding belly enhancer that Lisa stole off one of the mannequins at the local maternity store. As the charade continues, Nick decides he’d like to take the publishing firm in a new direction by obtaining the rights to several books on pregnancy and parenting. Taking into account Thea’s current state as a pregnant mother, and Nick’s belief that she has what it takes to be an editor, the two partner up on the new business venture, sparking a budding romance along the way. Now that everything seems to be going her way, Thea is forced to make a crucial decision in finding the right moment to reveal her big secret.

Sitting through Labor Pains is like witnessing a car crash in slow motion. You know the inevitable conclusion from the moment the farce begins, and every step along the way is laced with discomfort. Surely, we can all imagine finding ourselves in the midst of a lie that cannot stand up to the test of time, but faking a pregnancy for five months and never realizing the consequences smacks of lunacy. I’m not suggesting comedic productions should shy away from outrageous story elements, but when the core plot is this ridiculous, you’ll find yourself squirming in your seat rather than laughing, which is fine if you’re watching a horror film, but not the response you want from a comedy.

To make matters worse, there are tremendous leaps of faith made throughout the film. Thea comes across as a slacker with no real motivation, who supposedly says the right thing during a luncheon with a popular writer. When she’s asked to read the author’s book as part of her new role as a highly paid editor (with her own office) she chooses to get frisky with her lazy boyfriend rather than read the book. This disappoints Nick, who also happens to be the only person that believes in her and takes a chance on promoting her. As a viewer, are we really supposed to sympathize with someone who lies to keep a job in the first place, and then takes for granted the one opportunity that’s seemingly handed to her on a silver platter? By the time you make it to the scene of the baby shower, you’ll be sick of Thea’s loathsome actions and won’t even bat an eye at the level of crazy she displays over the following ten minutes. In the end, situational comedy demands funny situations, which are in short supply throughout Labor Pains.

From an acting standpoint, Lindsay Lohan hasn’t come far since her Disney years. In Labor Pains, her stiff, deadpan delivery is constantly overshadowed by the superior comedic talent that surrounds her, leaving me wondering why she was cast in this role in the first place. I’ve been a big fan of Cheryl Hines throughout her stint on “Curb Your Enthusiasm”, and her role here is another feather in her cap. Equally entertaining is Chris Parnell, who made a name for himself on “Saturday Night Live” and turns in a scene-stealing performance as Thea’s cranky boss. My only disappointment with Parnell is his absence from the film during the entire middle section (which of course is not his fault). Sadly, Lohan and co-star Luke Kirby cannot carry the film or generate an ounce of believability in their romance (which feels just as uncomfortable as the main plot), leaving a large section of the runtime stale and monotonous. I’m not sure if Lohan’s acting career has much gas left in the tank, but accepting roles in films such as Labor Pains is like siphoning out the precious fuel you have left.

Labor Pains Blu-ray Movie, Video Quality 

Presented in 1080p utilizing the AVC codec (at an average bitrate of 25Mbps), Labor Pains looks surprisingly good on Blu-ray. As the film begins, some viewers with larger displays may notice the presence of some stair-stepping on powerlines during the bus sequence. I stayed on my toes through the rest of the film, keeping my eyes peeled for any other anomalies that might rear their ugly head, but that turned out to be the only time I noticed the presence of digital problems in the transfer. Rest assured that what they are seeing is an accurate representation of the original source print. Digging into the visuals of the film itself, fine object detail offers an excellent level of clarity through approximately 95% of the feature, with the other 5% tapering into hazy territory. This loss of pristine detail appears to be the result of a lack of focus in the original film print, and not a weakness in the transfer itself, so it's easy to forgive the occasional blurred shot. Moving along, the color spectrum for the film isn't what I'd consider vibrant or particularly eye-catching, but considering the majority of scenes are set in a dated office building with dingy browns, we wouldn't expect this to be a sunshine and rainbows affair. Instead, we have a production that maintains a natural look by avoiding the comedic tendency to infuse every scene with cheerful hues and bring out the bright side of viewers. Winding down the visual analysis of the disc, I was equally satisfied with the depth of the black levels and the proficiency of contrast through the majority of the film.

Labor Pains Blu-ray Movie, Audio Quality 

Serviceable is the best way to describe the Dolby TrueHD 5.1 track (presented in the native language of English). There simply aren't many opportunities for the audio to truly shine, since most of the film consists solely of dialogue. There are occasional moments when the audio comes alive with environmental effects for a fleeting moment (the office softball game is a perfect example), but for the most part, the only rear surround activity that stands out occurs during the musical numbers. Now that you have some idea of the limitations in the mix, I should mention that the dialogue and music offer an excellent level of clarity and act as perfect companions to one another. I never had to strain to make out aspects of the dialogue and felt the musical choices were robust but not overly powerful next to the dialogue. If you consider yourself a fan of the film, I'd imagine you'll be plenty happy with the audio experience on this Blu-ray release.

Labor Pains Blu-ray Movie, Special Features and Extras 

The list of extras on this release is limited to a one minute collection of production stills, a 13 minute making-of featurette (SD) that provides a summary of the storyline, and a collection of brief cast interviews with four of the main stars. There's not much entertainment value in any of the extras, but it's clearly better than a bare bones release.

Labor Pains Blu-ray Movie, Overall Score and Recommendation 

I could generate a laundry list of problems with this film, but it ultimately boils down to the simple fact that it's not entertaining on any level. I've certainly seen worse comedies in my lifetime, but that still doesn't justify the existence of a production that never manages to generate more than a handful of laughs. I doubt matters would improve if a different actress had been cast in the main role, but I'd have loved to see what Amy Pohler could have done in Lohan's shoes. From a technical standpoint, fans of the film (I'm sure there are some out there) will be very pleased with the quality of this release, since it offers a substantial upgrade over the standard definition offering. If you're not already a fan, I'd suggest you skip the film completely and set your sights on something worthy of your time.