Rating summary

Movie		2.0
Video		4.5
Audio		5.0
Extras		2.5
Overall		3.5

Jupiter Ascending Blu-ray Movie Review

The noisiest two hours of contract negotiations you'll ever witness...

Reviewed by Kenneth Brown May 22, 2015

For those who bemoaned the plodding politics of the Star Wars prequels, welcome to a whole new level of noisy, colorful, flashbang zzzzz. For all its CG pomp and genetically spliced circumstance, contract negotiations, inheritance disputes and other tiresome matters of galactic law slow Jupiter Ascending to a crawl. And if Abrasax family melodrama and stock shares don't put you to sleep, the terribly convoluted story, sillier sci-fi flourishes, flat, bemused or indulgent performances (it's always one of the three), frantically shifting tone, and cringe-inducing comedy will make you wish you were. Even a brief foray into Terry Gilliam-inspired bureaucratic insanity (with a fantastic cameo by Gilliam himself) can't save the film from self-infatuation. Had the whole movie embraced such hallucinatory flights of fancy, such frenzied satire and bizarre, carnival-of-the-absurd visuals, Jupiter Ascending might have gotten off the ground. Instead, it's chained to the Wachowskis' delusion that this is mind blowingly original sci-fi rather than a Frankensteinian patchwork of ideas from greater, grander space operas and sci-fi actioners.

Ordinary, not-so-plain jane Jupiter Jones (Mila Kunis) hates her life. Hates it. She tells us as much at least three times during a montage of house cleaning, toilet scrubbing and day dreaming. Jupiter works with her mother, Aleksa (Maria Doyle Kennedy), throughout the city, trying to scrape together enough money to buy a brass telescope similar to one her father, Maximillian Jones (James D'Arcy), treasured before he died. When traditional routes to riches fail, her cousin, Vladie (Kick Gurry), convinces her to become an egg donor at a fertility clinic. Her average, unenviable life is soon upended, though, when a group of vicious little aliens called Keepers attempt to murder her during the egg harvesting procedure. Saved from certain death by a rogue, genetically engineered human/wolf-alien hybrid named Caine Wise (Channing Tatum), Jupiter learns she isn't so ordinary after all. Turns out she's intergalactic royalty; the genetic reincarnation ("recurrence") of the matriarch of House Abrasax, who lived to be more than 90,000 years old before being murdered and, apparently, reborn on Earth.

Fearing further attacks, Caine whisks her away to the home of an exile human/honeybee hybrid named Stinger Apini (Sean Bean), who was once his commanding officer. Stripped of their wings and banished from the Order after Caine killed an Entitled, Stinger is reluctant to help, but quickly changes his mind upon realizing Jupiter is super, super, super important. (Verification comes by way of a swarm of bees, since bees, we learn, were genetically engineered millions of years ago to recognize and, if necessary, protect royalty. Seriously.) Of course, Caine and Jupiter can't stay for long; a decision made more easily once hover-biking bounty hunter Razo (Bae Doona), additional hunters, and a second group of Keepers descend on Stinger's farm. Razo takes Jupiter, but not before Caine manages to sneak aboard her ship. Next stop, the palace of Kalique Abrasax (Tuppence Middleton), the first of three heirs to Jupiter's empire, the other two being manipulative playboy Titus (Douglas Booth) and eeeeeevil emperor Balem (Eddie Redmayne, in one of the most unintentionally hilarious performances of the year). All three siblings want to convince Jupiter to sign over her rights to Earth, one of the most valuable, resource-rich planets in the universe; not rich in oil, but in life, a commodity royals harvest to produce immortality serum.

Caine rescues Jupiter -- no spoiler alert required -- but another Abrasax snatches her up. Then another. Wash, rinse, repeat. It's here, hopping from planet to planet, dodging this faction and that, allying with this army while fleeing from the next, that Jupiter Ascending spirals out of control. There's so much story, history and politics packed into a small space that the entire movie begins to bleed into a CG-laden, explosion riddled blur. The tech, weaponry, vehicles and whirring gizmos are a visually stunning sight to behold, and there's no denying the Wachowskis know how to build wondrous, wildly spectacular alien worlds. But there's an enormous difference between building worlds and world-building; the latter being a precarious balancing act that blends disparate ideas and concepts into a cohesive, believable screen reality. There are times Jupiter Ascending feels like a movie comprised entirely of elements vomited up during a free-for-all brainstorming session. Hover skates! Matter destablizers! Inviso-jets! Little green men! Sound-wave blasters! Space gargoyles! Men in Black memory wipers! City re-builders! Offensive stereotypical Eastern European immigrants! Space gargoyles! Did we mention space gargoyles? Rejuvenation baths! Maxi-pad jokes! Armless robots! Semi-incestial marriage ceremonies! Galactic police! Cyborg bounty hunters! Thinly veiled bestiality! An entire planet dedicated to Terry Gilliam, you guys! Planet Gilliam! With Terry Gilliam!!! Gas mining colonies on Jupiter! Human/elephant hybrid pilots! Laser guns! Laser shields! Laser floors! Beeeeees!!!

It's all well and fun, until it stops making sense or you stop caring altogether, whichever comes first. The Wachowskis excel in staging thrilling action sequences, and a touch of that original Matrix magic fuels the movie's kinetic id. But eventually pacing and plotting are thrown out the window, with a slow, near-stagnant second act slog that abruptly dovetails into a seizure-primed third act high on style and devoid of substance. It doesn't help that Kunis is wooden and unconvincing, or that her chemistry with Tatum is non-existent, or that Redmayne is laughably bad (rasping and barking over the top of over-the-top), or that the script falters so often and so dramatically that it's difficult to tell who's to blame, the actors or the filmmakers. Perhaps at three hours rather than a too-brisk two hours, perhaps with better editing, perhaps with a stronger cast, perhaps with a screenplay that didn't hinge on page after page of exposition, perhaps with more engaging heroes, perhaps with less cartoonish villains, perhaps with a small number of powerful themes rather than a broad, exhausting assortment... perhaps, perhaps, perhaps. There's a solid sci-fi spectacle buried somewhere in Jupiter Ascending. Unfortunately, it's not about unearthing a hidden gem, it's about figuring out which pieces of the Wachowskis' galaxy-spanning misfire should have been kept and which should have been abandoned. The final film dazzles but ultimately fizzles, marvelous in concept but disastrous in execution.

Jupiter Ascending Blu-ray Movie, Video Quality 

What you needn't worry about is Warner's impressive 1080p/AVC-encoded video presentation. The film's digitally graded palette favors a cross-section of blue hues (much in the same way The Matrix employed dingy greens) but still indulges in operatic splashes of red, purple and gold, without leaning too heavily on the bleak, steel-gray hues that frequent more dour sci-fi spectacles. Contrast is subdued but consistent as well, saturation is lovely, black levels are satisfying (though sometimes muted), and shadow delineation is excellent, without much crush to report. (Nothing too serious anyway.) Detail, meanwhile, is precisely resolved, with crisp, clean edge definition and refined textures. The Wachowskis' worlds are teeming with intricate sets, design work, costuming, prosthetics and more, and there isn't a scratch, scar or scrap of metal, CG or otherwise, that doesn't offer a wealth of subtle touches. Moreover, significant macroblocking, banding, errant noise, aliasing and other issues are nowhere to be found in the presentation, making for an extremely proficient and pristine image.

Jupiter Ascending Blu-ray Movie, Audio Quality 

Jupiter Ascending also features a bombastic Dolby Atmos audio presentation (core Dolby TrueHD 7.1 surround); one that engages as often and as aggressively as it invigorates. LFE output is bold and booming, with thunderous engine propulsion, hard-hitting energy blasts, deafening explosions, and enough low-end oomph, oohs and ahs to bring a grin to your face. Not to be outdone, the rear speakers latch onto every element of the varied environments, just as the immersive soundfield grabs hold of ambient effects, acoustic subtleties and other directional sleight of hand to create plenty of whiz-bang battles and awe-inspiring multi-channel magic. Ships sling through the soundscape. Wormholes collapse as cruisers retreat from the destruction. Blasters erupt and energy shields hum as Caine races about, taking down Keeper after Keeper, Hunter after Hunter. Dart fighters dive along skyscrapers and shoot through city streets, riddling buildings with cannon fire. Gas-planet refineries collapse as chain reactions ignite. All the while, dialogue remains clean, intelligible and perfectly prioritized, without falling victim to the noise or too forcefully subduing it. The film's score strikes a wonderful balance with the soundscape as well, never once seeming underwhelming or overbearing. Bottom line: Jupiter Ascending's AV presentation is outstanding.

Jupiter Ascending Blu-ray Movie, Special Features and Extras 

• Jupiter Jones: Destiny Is Within Us (HD, 7 minutes): A short piece in which Mila Kunis and Lana and Andy Wachowski discuss Jupiter, the hero's journey she embarks upon, and the self-discovery she embraces.
• Caine Wise: Interplanetary Warrior (HD, 5 minutes): Another brief featurette, this one focusing on Channing Tatum's Caine, his development as a rogue hunter, his look and movements, and his role in the story.
• The Wachowskis: Minds Over Matter (HD, 7 minutes): The cast wax poetic about the film, its operatic sci-fi, and the vision and visual prowess of its creators. It's fluff, but there are behind-the-scenes tidbits that provide hints about the filmmakers' approach and set presence.
• Worlds Within Worlds Within Worlds (HD, 10 minutes): This longer featurette explores the cultures, alien races, planets, fashion, androids and designs that comprise the realms of Jupiter Ascending.
• Genetically Spliced (HD, 10 minutes): The film's genetically engineered hybrids, which represent the first true alien creature work the Wachowskis have tackled on one of their projects. There's a bit of repetition to the interviews (particularly when the piece touches on Caine) but there's enough new material to offer some more insight into the production.
• Bullet Time Evolved (HD, 10 minutes): Shooting Jupiter Ascending's action sequences, from pre-visualization to the wirework and stuntwork captured in principle photography, choreographing fights and gravity-boots flight, dreaming up new ways to realize high-speed action on screen, developing chase scenes, and more.
• From Earth to Jupiter (And Everywhere in Between) (HD, 10 minutes): The disc's final featurette covers the density and complexity of the film's storylines, subplots, politics, social hierarchies and alien worlds.

Jupiter Ascending Blu-ray Movie, Overall Score and Recommendation 

I so wanted to like Jupiter Ascending. To be able to shake my head at the naysayers, proclaiming it a misunderstood classic. I want to enjoy the Wachowskis' films again. I do. But they're making it so very, very hard, on themselves and their fans. Big ideas and high concepts are great, if you're able to execute those ideas and concepts reliably, which the Wachowskis don't quite seem to have a handle on. Flash and spectacle are being confused for gripping stories and innovative action, and the gray areas in between are being squandered. Maybe next time, says the guy who uttered "maybe next time" after watching Cloud Atlas. I've been waiting for the Wachowskis to fulfill their potential since the first Matrix blew my little then-high school mind and since its sequels left me cold. Maybe next time. Thankfully, Warner's Blu-ray release is an excellent one. Though a bit light on extensive and insightful extras, Jupiter Ascending's video presentation is striking and its Dolby Atmos (core Dolby TrueHD 7.1) audio is an absolute blast. If you're a fan of the film, or have any fondness for it whatsoever, its Blu-ray release will leave you cheering.