Jersey Shore Shark Attack Blu-ray Movie

Rating summary

Movie		3.0
Video		4.5
Audio		4.5
Extras		1.5
Overall		3.5

Jersey Shore Shark Attack Blu-ray Movie Review

Maybe the best bad movie ever made.

Reviewed by Martin Liebman August 31, 2012

Girls! Bikinis! Let's get this party started!

It seems like every other movie on SyFy pits one mutated creature against another, or some extra-large hybrid creature battling another like it or a group of unlucky humans in some bizarre mash-up that could only come from the mind of Roger Corman. And now for something completely different. One of the most recent SyFy ventures is Jersey Shore Shark Attack, a movie that pits everyday sharks (their only "superpower" appears to be a sensitivity to cooperate offshore drilling) versus mutated humans known as "Guidos." OK, so they're not really X-Men but they sure do seem to be their own kind of animal, even if they are fundamentally human deep down at the molecular level. Behold the whackiest movie ever made, pitting a bunch of muscular dudes in shorts, sporting big chains, drowned in hair gel, and covered in orange skin and a trio of babes with big hair, finely-tanned skin, big breasts, all sorts of costume jewelry, and enough makeup to fill a Mary Kay convention against a bunch of angry albino sharks with devilish red eyes and really big fins. It's insane, it's ridiculous, and it's surprisingly a whole lot of fun. And it sure as heck beats out by a long shot that reality television rubbish of a similar name.

Guidos to the rescue!

It's almost the Fourth of July on the happening Jersey Shore where the haves and have-Guidos are partying like it's any old Summer day. But it's a bigger celebration than normal because none other than 'N Sync's Joey Fatone will be performing live at the festivities. Unfortunately, there's trouble in paradise. "The Complication" (Jeremy Luc) is still trying to get over being dumped by Nookie (Melissa Molinaro) on the ferris wheel. TC, as he is affectionally known, wasn't ready to show his commitment by giving his prized golden necklace to her, so she kicked him to the curb. Yet now she's upset because TC's been bedding other girls. TC's friends Donnie (Joey Russo) and Paulie (Daniel Booko) persuade TC to get back together with the girl he still loves. Meanwhile, Nooki and her friends J-Moni (Alex Mauriello) and BJ (Audi Resendez) are out partying like they're in a bad SyFy movie. Across town, the preppy rich kids are planning a big yacht getaway. They crash the Guido's party and all hell breaks loose. When one of the Guido gang goes missing after the fight, the guys suspect foul play and come to believe that an albino shark with red eyes and big fins may be responsible. And they would be right. At fault for luring the sharks to the Jersey Shore, on the Fourth of July weekend, no less, is the evil corporate developer Dolan (William Atherton, Die Hard) who has chosen to ignore local ordinance and has inadvertently set off a chain of events that could spell doom for the Jersey Shore -- unless the Guidos can save the day!

Jersey Shore Shark Attack is a typical SyFy movie through and through. It's populated with bad special effects (the shark fins shimmer and look on the verge of digital collapse in every shot), the weapons appear fake (a character doesn't even pump his pump shotgun), the story is ridiculous and follows the same formula that makes a villain out of corporate America, the characters are shallow, there's the array of characters introduced for the sole purpose of being eaten moments later, and of course it's an aquatic disaster movie, which is all the rage right now in these sorts of flicks. Yet for all the movie's shortcomings, it's honestly fun. The characters are so awful that they become entertaining caricatures, perhaps not quite as orange as the "Guidos" to be found on the Internet but charming in their own ways with their "I loves yous!" and "maybe he drownded" dialogue. Maybe their brains are fried from too many tanning creams, but the movie is guaranteed to plaster a smile on anyone's face as the Guidos bungle their way towards a final showdown with the sharks. Best of all, the cast seems to genuinely enjoy the moviemaking process. Jersey Shore Shark Attack finds that delicate balance of taking the movie seriously without pretending like it's some period drama. Everyone involved recognizes the movie's limitations, audience, and style, and they play to it as perfectly as they can, as well as any movie of this sort ever has.

The absence of mutated creatures and the pitting of "real" people against more or less "real" enemies is a breath of fresh air. This entire "aquatic disaster" fad is growing a little old, and it's nice to see Jersey Shore Shark Attack tone down the special effects and emphasize characters over poorly-crafted digital monsters. Of course, there are still plenty of bad movie gems, like one sequence where the following events occur: the Guidos attract sharks closer to them with protein bars so they will come within striking distance of the fireworks they intend to throw their way. When an explosion goes off, a Guidette loses her balance and falls into the water. Somehow, between the moment she fell over and the cut to her in the water a split second later, she's somehow drifted about thirty feet away. But hey, it adds to the "drama," right? There's a host of stupid little details and flubs throughout the movie, but for the most part Jersey Shore Shark Attack succeeds at masking them with its blend of crazy characters, over-the-top dialogue, ridiculous gore, and cheap action. The movie is fairly well made and polished; Director John Shepphird manages to create some legitimate drama and get the most out of his cast, making them likable, authentic characters who excel beyond their exterior schtick. And hey, any movie that features Paulie Walnuts and a boy band legend meeting a deserving fate can't be half bad, right?

Jersey Shore Shark Attack Blu-ray Movie, Video Quality 

High definition is a true friend to all the tan and muscle and hair and makeup in Jersey Shore Shark Attack. Anchor Bay's Blu-ray transfer is quite the looker, all sharp and dapper and soaking up 100% of the 1080p goodness. There are a few shots when things look a hair washed out and bland, but generally the image sparkles with an uncanny smoothness and accuracy that might not have the texture of film but offers a crisp, very well defined video image that accentuates every greasy strand of hair, each well-defined patch of skin, many bulging muscles, and all the bling-y jewelry textures. The daytime shots in particular flat-out sparkle, with hard-to-beat clarity and stability across every inch of the frame. Nighttime shots go a touch flat and blacks occasionally appear slightly washed out, but the image is dominated by those dazzling daytime exteriors. Colors are superb, varied, and vibrant, but not excessively vibrant. Even the most garish shades effortlessly blend into the environment for what amounts to a true test of any display's finest color capabilities. There's a touch of very light banding across the brightest skies and under the murkiest waters, but this is otherwise a pristine image that will dazzle even the most hard-to-please SyFy fans.

Jersey Shore Shark Attack Blu-ray Movie, Audio Quality 

Jersey Shore Shark Attack features an active and satisfying Dolby TrueHD 5.1 lossless soundtrack. These Anchor Bay/SyFy releases usually sound pretty good, and this one's no exception. The movie features plenty of deep, tight bass that spills into the soundstage during all of the music. It's hefty, polished dance tunes for this one, with dazzling pulsating beats, great front-end spacing, and plenty of surround support. It's like the soundstage is transformed into a Jersey Shore dance club, even when the action's out under the sun and turf. There's some quality beachside ambience that easily pulls the listening audience into the various crowds and boardwalk locales. Underwater shots are met with a fair sense of pressure, while digital sharks rumble across the stage with a good deal of noticeable power and precision. Gunshots aren't the most potent, but there's a good, aggressive volume to them all, whether shotgun blasts or a string of fire from M4s. A few splashes sound a bit shallow, but this one's otherwise all good. Focused, clear dialogue rounds out probably the best audio presentation ever enjoyed by a SyFy movie.

Jersey Shore Shark Attack Blu-ray Movie, Special Features and Extras 

Jersey Shore Shark Attack contains the following two supplements:

• Audio Commentary: Executive Producers Barry Barnholtz and Jeffrey Schenck, Producer Peter Sullivan, and Director John Shepphird discuss the plot, the picture's digital effects, California shooting locales, the cast and the performances, the picture's layers and Shakespearean themes, making various scenes, and more. There are times when the commentary volume dips to the lowered movie volume and the two run together, for instance about twenty minutes into the film.
• On Set: Jersey Shore Shark Attack (1080p, 5:05): Various cast members recount the plot and the characters they play.

Jersey Shore Shark Attack Blu-ray Movie, Overall Score and Recommendation 

Jersey Shore Shark Attack won't go down in cinema annals as the best Shark movie since Jaws, but it should be remembered as one of the best SyFy movies ever made, whether deliberately or accidentally so. It was bound to happen that one of these things proved genuinely fun -- isn't that the point -- and not just a cinema insult and a ninety-minute assault on the senses. The movie features minimal bad CGI and several good characters who are charming and funny and play very well together. It's as polished as a SyFy movie can be and, other than Ice Quake, is really the only SyFY movie on Blu-ray worth watching. Anchor Bay's Blu-ray release of Jersey Shore Shark Attack features fantastic video and audio. Sadly, the supplements are rather thin. Nevertheless, this release comes heartily recommended.