Rating summary

Movie		1.5
Video		4.0
Audio		3.5
Extras		2.5
Overall		1.5

In the Name of the King 2: Two Worlds Blu-ray Movie Review

More straight-to-video cheese from Teutonic terror, Uwe Boll.

Reviewed by Casey Broadwater December 28, 2011

It’s a mystery. How is it that Uwe Boll, whose very name has become a kind of punchline in the film industry, is still allowed to make movies? I understand how he gets funding--through a complicated German tax loophole--but what completely baffles me is why distributors agree to release his films at all. The only rational answer, of course, is that there’s a buck to be made, that somewhere, for reasons inexplicable, people are actively seeking out these awful video game adaptations and presumably watching them. (As opposed to, I dunno, using the discs as $20 drink coasters.) What makes me profoundly depressed is to think of the $60 million wasted on the production of a film like Boll’s 2008 medieval fantasy disaster, In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale, and realize that that money could’ve been split equally amongst, say, thirty independent filmmakers all keen on making their debut features. In this hypothetical thought experiment, it’s easy to imagine that at least one of these directors, and probably more--blessed unexpectedly with $2 million--would create something beautiful and lasting and true. Instead, the world has yet another instantly forgettable action movie flop, which bombed at the box office and is now cluttering bargain bins in discount stores the world over. But wait, it gets worse. Somehow, Uwe Boll proceeded with In the Name of the King 2: Two Worlds, a low-budget, straight-to-video sequel that comes across like a sorry basic cable Game of Thrones rip-off. Only much, much worse than you’d ever think that could possibly be.

But hold on, I’m not done yet. Not only is Two Worlds an unnecessary, cheapo sequel, it’s also almost completely unconnected to the first film, both narratively and cast-wise. Jason Statham, Ron Perlman, Ray Liotta, and Burt Reynolds are out--no surprise, given how A Dungeon Siege Tale performed--and they’ve been replaced by a swarm of no-names and...wait for it...Dolph Lundgren. Yes, good old Dolph, the Swedish B-movie bruiser, who seems to take just about any role offered to him. Here, he’s playing Granger, a modern-day retired Marine and part-time karate instructor who comes home from a lesson, draws a hot bath, and gets attacked--out of the blue--by dudes in spooky monk robes. He’s saved by Elianna (Natalia Guslistaya), a “sorceress, shifter” with a magical leather bracelet that shoots out a beam of energy and opens up a portal to the medieval realm of Ehb.

Granger is pulled through this stargate of sorts and ends up in the fortress of the alchemist King Raven (Lochlyn Munro), an off-the-bat-untrustable ponce who explains some gibberish about how Granger is “The Chosen One” and how his mission, according to “The Prophecy,” is to kill “The Holy Mother” (Christina Jastrzembska), the evil cannibalistic crone who leads “The Dark Ones.” No, I’m not making any of this up. To make an insufferably long story very short, Granger goes looking for this Holy Mother, with help from the king’s douchebag right hand man, Allard (Aleks Paunovic), and a female doctor inexplicably named Manhattan (Natassia Malthe, the star of Boll’s Bloodrayne). Yes, to answer your question, Manhattan and Granger get it on within minutes of meeting one another. “If we shall perish anon, I shall not die unfulfilled,” she tells him before straight up jumping his bones.

I probably don’t need to tell you that In the Name of the King 2 is bad. Given that this is a Uwe Boll production, you already expect that. The question, then, is this: Is it so bad it’s good bad, or just bad bad? The answer is mostly the latter--Boll should be paying us to watch it--but the film is sometimes so insanely awful as to inspire a kind of reverence for just how inept it is. Writer Michael Nachoff’s script is riddled with plot holes and fraught with unclear motivations and ambiguous outcomes. His dialog is stilted--especially coming out of the mouths of these actors--and there are lines that will leave you shaking your head, rolling your eyes, and, on rare occasions, laughing out loud. Here are some of my personal favorite clunkers, presented out of context (not that you’ll need any):

• “Be a good royal bitch and show me my room.”
• “He will lay with me for warmth, but not for pleasure! And he does not require the services of a man.”
• “You can take that prophecy and shove it up your ass.”
• “We may reach the Holy Mother’s sanctum, but the path will be drenched with our blood!”
• “To the other side...through a shower of their blood!”
• “Allard saved our lives that morning. Let’s face it: He probably saved the world as we know it.”
• “Sons of whores! I’ve failed you!”
• “I have a feeling in the Black Forest, size does matter.”
• “Son of a bitch, we’re still being chased by a dragon! Let’s go!”

On the subject of that dragon, we might as well mention the film’s bargain basement CGI effects. The fire-breathing beast could’ve stepped out of a PS2-era video game cutscene, and don’t get me started on the goofy inter-dimensional portal. Those hoping for the production values of the first film-- such as they were--will be disappointed by how cheap everything looks here. The costumes might’ve been raided from a Halloween party store, and Raven’s gold crown is basically one step up from the paper kind you get with a kid’s meal at Burger King.

Worse, the action is clumsily choreographed, and Lundgren fights like a bear who just woke up after a long hibernation and can’t remember how to use his muscles. To be fair, he was reportedly injured early on in the shoot, which accounts for some of the stiffness, but it only goes to prove that the aging action star is getting too old for this scheisse, if you’ll pardon the German.

In the Name of the King 2: Two Worlds Blu-ray Movie, Video Quality 

This is one of those cases where no matter how good the technical merits of the encode are, the film is still going to look cheap on Blu-ray because of the meager production values in the lighting and costuming departments. In the Name of the King 2 looks exactly like what it is--a low-budget, straight-to-video movie. The film was shot with the Red One camera and features a 1080p/AVC-encoded digital-to-digital transfer that's fairly sharp and clean, but, as they say, you can't polish a turd. Still, for what it's worth, clarity is usually excellent, especially in close-ups, where you can easily make out facial textures, clothing details, and the chintziness of the King's crown. Color is also dense and nicely toned, with warm skin hues contrasted against generally cool backgrounds. Black levels sometimes crush a bit of shadow detail, but I suppose this is all part of the film's punchy, high contrast look. Noise is elevated somewhat during darker scenes, and you'll notice some faint banding in the blue gradient of the sky as the dragon circles overhead, but there are no real distractions here. The only downside to such a clear presentation is that the CGI probably looks more hokey and artificial than it would on DVD.

In the Name of the King 2: Two Worlds Blu-ray Movie, Audio Quality 

In the Name of the King 2 receives Fox's usual DTS-HD Master Audio 5.1 surround sound treatment, and the mix might best be described as adequate but underwhelming. (Which is probably exactly what you expect from this kind of movie.) Most of the action is anchored up front, but the rear channels do get in on the action occasionally, with the aerial swoops and arcing fire breath of the CGI dragon, metal-on-metal battle clamor, and a modest amount of outdoorsy ambience. All of which is dynamically solid, but hardly exemplary. Filling out the soundfield is a rather generic score from Jessica de Rooj. Dialogue, as much as you sometimes wish it weren't so, is always clean and easily understood. The disc includes optional English SDH and Spanish subtitles.

In the Name of the King 2: Two Worlds Blu-ray Movie, Special Features and Extras 

• Audio Commentaries: The disc includes not one, but two time-suck commentary tracks, one from Uwe Boll--who's almost lovable for his stubborn conviction that he makes good movies--and another from writer Michael Nachoff, who talks about the film's "themes" and "characters."
• Behind the Scenes (1080p, 6:27): A standard short making-of featurette, with clips from the film, on-location footage, and interviews with the stars.
• From Page to Screen (SD, 5:05): Writer Michael Nachoff talks about bringing a modern attitude to the typical period fantasy film. Whatever, dude.

In the Name of the King 2: Two Worlds Blu-ray Movie, Overall Score and Recommendation 

As one final note, I'd like to acknowledge how horrible In the Name of the King 2: Two Worlds is as a title. Really? A numeric "2" and then "Two" spelled out immediately afterwards? It's just another example of how no real thought goes into Uwe Boll's slapdash adaptations. Do yourself a favor and stay as far away from this one as possible, but if you must see it--I know some of you Dolph Lundgren fans are a hardcore bunch--then I'd wait for it to drop below $5 used on Amazon. Which is inevitability considering the first film can currently be bought on DVD for forty-nine cents.