Rating summary

Movie		4.0
Video		3.5
Audio		4.0
Extras		2.0
Overall		4.0

If I Had a Million Blu-ray Movie Review

Reviewed by Dr. Svet Atanasov September 7, 2023

"If I Had a Million" (1932) arrives on Blu-ray courtesy of Kino Lorber. The supplemental features on the release include exclusive new audio commentary by filmmaker Allan Arkush and critic/filmmaker Daniel Kremer and vintage trailer. In English, with optional Engish SDH subtitles for the main feature. Region-A "locked".

How would your life change if a lawyer from one of our city’s most prestigious law firms rang your bell and handed you a check for one million dollars with your name on it? Actually, let’s update the amount to ten million dollars. The check is real, not part of a scam. So, you can walk to any bank, deposit the small fortune just like you would a regular check your boss might hand you, and voila. You have ten million dollars to spend any way you want. What happens next? Do you have a huge party and celebrate with anyone who has ever been kind to you? Do you go straight to your boss and tell him in his face everything you ever wanted to say but could not? Do you continue to be the person you were before the lawyer handed you the check and secretly consult a financial adviser to help you invest the money so that your children and their families never struggle as you did? Do you instantly reward yourself with a dream present you never believed you would be able to afford? There are so many possibilities. Some good, some bad, some absolutely terrible possibilities. Now you have access to all of them, so what do you do next?

If you are struggling to decide, book a night with If I Had a Million, a very entertaining but at the same time thought-provoking anthology film from 1932. In it, a dying tycoon decides to give his fortune away in the most bizarre way possible -- by gifting one million dollars to strangers whose names are picked from the phone book -- and shortly after his lawyers go to work to make his wish come true. (I did say ten million dollars above, didn’t I? I did because I think that ten million dollars moves you closer to what you could buy with one million dollars in 1932, though technically my math is very easy to critique because considering what inflation has done over the years the ten million dollars almost certainly should be updated to one hundred million dollars. But either way, these are still incredible, life-altering sums of money). Then, in several uneven segments, the tycoon lawyers locate a winner, hand a check with the winner’s name on it, and walk away.

What happens next is often quite hilarious but, in a way, pretty sad as well. The hilarious is always attached to a unique transformation, which is either complete or incomplete. Some of the winners immediately take the checks and while still trying to properly process what they consider to be luck begin resetting their lives. One of the winners trashes an entire store and finally faces his boss as a man. A prostitute books the most luxurious room in an upscale hotel, takes her clothes off, and goes to bed like a movie star. An elderly couple buys several brand new cars and destroys them while trying to remove bad drivers from the road without worrying about the financial consequences. But some of the winners refuse to believe that the check is real and either trade it or give it away, effectively validating John Wayne’s famous statement: “Life is tough, but it is tougher if you are stupid.”

The sad emerges from the social theater that the winners -- and of course everyone else around them -- are engaged in. All of them, even the ones who refuse to believe that the money that has come to them is real, routinely wear masks and play characters that are right for their environment. In other words, all relationships are compromised so when the money resets or breaks them the theater is instantly exposed as a contemporary parody. (The segment that most effectively demonstrates this correlation features three ‘smart’ soldiers trying to woo an ‘ordinary’ girl helping her elderly father run a tiny family business).

The segments are directed by multiple filmmakers: Ernst Lubitsch, James Cruze, William A. Seiter, Norman Taurog, H. Bruce Humberstone, Norman Z. McLeod, and Stephen Roberts.

The massive cast includes numerous stars like W.C. Fields, Gary Cooper, Charles Laughton, George Raft, Charles Ruggles, Jack Oakie, and Alison Skipworth.

If I Had a Million Blu-ray Movie, Video Quality 

Presented in an aspect ratio of 1.36:1, encoded with MPEG-AVC and granted a 1080p transfer, If I Had a Million arrives on Blu-ray courtesy of Kino Lorber.

I thought that the film looked pretty decent on my system. Most visuals had pleasing delineation and clarity, and even though depth was inconsistent, on a large screen there was plenty to appreciate. However, in many areas it is quite easy to tell that contrast was boosted. There are traces of minor sharpening adjustments as well. I do not think that there are any serious issues, but a proper restoration of the film will undoubtedly deliver far more attractive visuals with stronger organic qualities. Also, there is room for meaningful cosmetic improvements. I spotted plenty of blemishes, small scratches, and even larger marks. Some meaningful stability enhancements can be introduced as well. (Note: This is a Region-A "locked" Blu-ray release. Therefore, you must have a native Region-A or Region-Free player in order to access its content).

If I Had a Million Blu-ray Movie, Audio Quality 

There is only one standard audio track on this Blu-ray release: English DTS-HD Master Audio 2.0. Optional English SDH subtitles are provided for the main feature.

The quality of the audio is not easy to evaluate. Early into the film, there are several quite obvious clarity fluctuations and a few spots where the audio becomes very thin and creates the impression that it is coming through a box. Some of these fluctuations might have been introduced by aging, but some are almost certainly inherited, and I think that it is extremely difficult to tell how many. I did not find any of these anomalies distracting, but they are impossible to miss. There are other minor fluctuations in other parts of the film, too. Dynamic intensity is pretty modest, as it should be considering that the film was shot in 1932.

If I Had a Million Blu-ray Movie, Special Features and Extras 

• Commentary One - this exclusive new audio commentary was recorded by filmmaker Allan Arkush (Get Crazy) and critic/filmmaker Daniel Kremer.

• Trailer - a vintage trailer for If I Had a Million. In English, not subtitled. (2 min).

If I Had a Million Blu-ray Movie, Overall Score and Recommendation 

How would your life change if a stranger handed you a check for a million dollars? What would you do with one hundred million dollars? It is easy to be rational while speculating without having the money, or at least I think it is, but if the money was real and in front of you, the world you live in instantly becomes a very different place. You will discover that virtually all of the people around you have been wearing masks. You were wearing a mask too because you were forced to do it, and now you will finally be able to take it off. Furthermore, you will see, think, and behave differently, connect with people in an entirely new way. Of course, it is possible that the money may prematurely end your life, too. There are a lot of interesting scenarios, some good, some absolutely terrible, and I really enjoyed the ones that are highlighted in If I Had a Million, an ambitious, often very funny and thought-provoking anthology film from 1932. HIGHLY RECOMMENDED.