Rating summary

Movie		2.0
Video		4.0
Audio		4.0
Extras		2.0
Overall		2.0

I Love You, Beth Cooper Blu-ray Movie Review

Love is much, much too strong a word. In fact, the wrong word altogether.

Reviewed by Casey Broadwater November 5, 2009

Earlier this week I had the pleasure of reviewing Say Anything, Cameron Crowe’s classic coming-of-age teen romance, forever immortalized by the image of John Cusack holding a boom box over his head in an act of defiant love. As fans of the film know—and the film has many, many fans —it’s touching and tender, funny, witty, and wholly original while still working within the confines of its genre. In short, it’s everything that I Love You, Beth Cooper is not. I hate to compare films to one another—each should really stand on its own merits—but in its constant pilfering from better teen movies, Beth Cooper invites comparisons, and not favorable ones. Former scribe for The Simpsons Larry Doyle, who authored the novel and screenplay on which the film is based, readily admits that I Love You, Beth Cooper is a kind of homage to the great teen films of the ‘80s. And while he posits that the story is an attempt to condense and subvert the conventions these films were famous for, the end result is a soulless union of satire and sentiment, a film so endlessly derivative that it feels like a twice-removed, carbon-copy collage of John Hughes scripts and Brat Pack personalities.

Beth Cooper, this guy loves you.

I’ll admit, the premise of the film has promise. On graduation day, valedictorian Denis Cooverman (Paul Rust), a gangly milquetoast with a nose that—in profile—has to be seen to be believed, gets up to deliver his year-end address. Only, instead of spewing the standard spread your wings and fly nonsense, he talks about not having any regrets. This devolves quickly when Denis blurts out that’s he has always loved cheerleader Beth Cooper (Hayden Panettiere). Furthermore, he derides Beth’s older military boyfriend Kevin (Shawn Roberts) for hanging out with high school kids, suggests one popular girl is a bitch, insinuates that the school bully might’ve been sexually abused, and proffers that his movie-quoting best friend Rich (Jack Carpenter) should just come out of the closet and admit he’s gay. Denis’ no-regrets, live-or-let-die speech is painfully awkward, and for the briefest of the moments, the film seems like it may have a hook and an establishing tone.

But then it collapses in a pile of broad physical comedy, with jokes that fizzle out like defective fireworks, and cut-rate versions of been-done-to-death characters. The plot is every teen film compressed into one night of partying and self-discovery. It turns out that Beth thinks Denis’ admission is “sweet,” and she agrees to attend the modest soirée that he’s throwing at his parents’ house. Modest, because the only other attendee is the unfortunately named Rich Munsch. (I’ll leave it to you to figure out what the kids at school call him. It also need not be reminded that Denis is only one consonant away from the male member. The two friends make quite a pairing.) Beth and her posse of popularity show up—including ditzy Ms. Drinks-a-lot Teresa “Treece” Kilmer (Lauren Storm) and sassy drama queen Cammy (Lauren London)—but the party is crashed by Beth’s boyfriend Kevin and his crew of meathead Marines, who start trashing the place and send the partygoers fleeing in Beth’s car. For the remainder of the film, the unlikely cohorts try in vain to avoid Kevin and Co., making pit-stops to drink beer in the woods, drop in on a massive graduation party, take an impromptu shower in the girl’s locker room, and share some unearned heart-to-hearts.

The underlying emotional conflict is that Denis has never gotten to experience any wild high school behavior, while Beth feels that graduation marks the end of her glory days. Obviously, the two have a lot to teach one another, and they do this in the most obvious, subtlety-free ways imaginable. Having not read the book, I can’t comment on whether this is due to a dumbing- down transition from page to screen, but I can say that watching I Love You, Beth Cooper was one of the most tedious viewing experiences I’ve had all year. Director Chris Columbus (Home Alone, the first two Harry Potter films), who normally has a Spielbergian way of blending storytelling with inoffensive sentiment, simply doesn’t know what to do with this script. The tone varies wildly from scene to scene; one minute it wants to revel in Superbad-style comedy and the next it expects us to really feel something for the characters while cloying music tries ineffectually to lull us into the appropriate mood. Neither approach works. The film is too baldly clichéd to generate any real pathos, and the humor falls back on unsupportive sight gags, like tampons stuffed up Denis’ nostrils to stem a nosebleed.

It’s easy to see some innate talent in Paul Rust, but he’s stepped into the wrong vehicle for his first lead role. He plays Denis as your classic nebbish nerd, but there’s no personality in this portrayal, nothing new. Plus, he looks about ten years too old for the part, which, at 28, he is. Still, he’s affable enough as an actor, and hawkeyed viewers will have spotted him recently in a better role as one of Tarentino’s Inglourious Basterds. When it comes to Hayden Panettiere, it’s tempting to heed my mother’s words and not say anything at all, but that would be copping out. The truth is, she looks exactly like the kind of girl who would’ve never given Denis the time of day in high school. So, in one sense, this is good casting. However, she’s remarkably bland here, posturing through a performance that amounts to a series of cheerleader poses. The film’s one bright light is Jack Carpenter, who plays Denis’ sexually ambiguous, movie- quoting best friend. Little details—like his unsupportive father and the fact that he has to scrimp to buy his own shoes—go a long way in giving the character of Rich a reason for his obsession with actors and directors. It feels like a coping mechanism and not simply an obsession. Unfortunately, that’s the extent of the film’s depth. Like saying “I love you” when you don’t really mean it, I Love You, Beth Cooper is disappointingly shallow.

I Love You, Beth Cooper Blu-ray Movie, Video Quality 

If I Love You, Beth Cooper has one thing going for it, it's that the film's 1080p/AVC- encoded transfer is vivid and detailed. It doesn't fall among the ranks of Blu-ray's best, but for a film of this caliber—and genre—it looks swell. The opening graduation scene sets the tone for the film's visual look; the cap 'n gowns are bright and colorful, with excellent depth, a warm cast saturates the image, and clarity is strong in both close-ups and mid-to-long range shots. In general, this quality holds up throughout. Black levels are amply deep while preserving shadow detail, contrast runs a little hot at times, but appropriately so, and the fine grain structure is barely apparent at normal viewing distances, even during some of the darker scenes. Skin tones do have a tendency to look somewhat yellowish, but this seems largely part of the palette of the film. This has nothing to do with the transfer, but all the shots inside Beth's car were accomplished using what looks like rear- projection for the views outside, and while this might slide by on DVD, in high definition it looks incredibly fake. No biggie though. I doubt you're watching this film for realistic driving scenes. But that begs the question: Why are you watching this?

I Love You, Beth Cooper Blu-ray Movie, Audio Quality 

Equally sufficient is the film's DTS-HD Master Audio 5.1 surround track, which offers few opportunities for impressive audio action, but definitely pumps out the jams that the film so regularly employs to make us feel young and alive. The music does sound excellently loud and raucous here, especially when the kids are all driving around in the car, singing along to Alice Cooper's "School's Out." Bass is weighty, the high end is detailed, and the music floods the soundfield from all sides. The rear channels get some modest interaction throughout the film— cheers erupt at graduation, crickets sing in the woods, etc.—and there are a few cross-channel movements, like a stampede of angry cows moving from front to back and mooing all around. Finally, dialogue is clean and easily understandable, though I make no claims that you'll want to hear what's being said.

I Love You, Beth Cooper Blu-ray Movie, Special Features and Extras 

Alternate Ending (1080p, 6:59)
There's no way, no way, they could've ever seriously considering using this as the ending to the film. I know it's the original ending to the book, but it just doesn't work at all here and I can see why they didn't use it. I won't give it away, but I will say it involves a bear costume, a shotgun, a canoe paddle wielded like a lightsaber, and the potential for a sequel. Scary stuff.

Deleted Scenes (1080p, 7:36)
The four deleted scenes included here offer up more of the same. And when the same is this bad, do you really want more?

I Love You Larry Doyle (1080p, 5:54)
Writer Larry Doyle talks about how he's trying to skewer teen movie clichés and offer some sort of commentary on the genre. Hmmm.

We Are All Different, But That's A Good Thing (1080p, 8:54)
This cast profile let's each actor say a little something about their character and how fun it was working with the other cast members.

Peanut Butter Toast (SD, 2:48)
A completely improvised song about peanut butter toast by Paul Rust, who happens to be making peanut butter toast at the time. I laughed more here than I did through the entire film.

Fox Movie Channel Presents In Character With Paul Rust (SD, 3:02)
Paul gets to chat about his character, but the most interesting revelation here is the he is significantly older than his character.

Fox Movie Channel Presents In Character With Hayden Panettiere (SD, 3:02)
Likewise, Hayden says a few words about Beth Cooper and her own acting style.

Trailers
Includes high definition trailers for My Life in Ruins, Adam, Fame, and The Marine 2.

I Love You, Beth Cooper Blu-ray Movie, Overall Score and Recommendation 

20th Century Fox has released two other relationship films this week—Say Anything and Two Girls and a Guy—and either of them would make a better choice than I Love You, Beth Cooper. In fact, I urge you to pick up Say Anything; it's one of the best teen love stories of the '80s. Stay away from Beth Cooper though. It's like a freeze-dried, desiccated, beef jerky version of Say Anything, if that makes any sense.