Holy Matrimony Blu-ray Movie

Rating summary

Movie		1.0
Video		2.0
Audio		2.5
Extras		0.0
Overall		1.5

Holy Matrimony Blu-ray Movie Review

The Search for Why Spock Made This Film

Reviewed by Michael Reuben September 8, 2011

Leonard Nimoy's career as a director was a case of extremes. He made one of the weakest of the original crew Star Trek films (No. 3: The Search for Spock) and also one of the best (No. 4: The Voyage Home). When he left the world of Trek, he enjoyed mainstream highs (Three Men and a Baby) and lows (Funny About Love). And then there was his last feature as a director, Holy Matrimony, a film so problematic that Disney barely put it in theaters, no doubt just enough to satisfy contractual obligations. Watch this new Blu-ray from Mill Creek, if you want to know why.

Havana (Patricia Arquette) is a scheming floozy, but there's no heart of gold hidden beneath the trampy exterior. In today's world, she'd be the ambitious bitch on a reality show that everyone loves to hate. Here, she's a small-time carnival performer, dressing up as Marilyn Monroe and posing on a platform for gaping patrons throwing balls at targets. If they score high enough, a vent blows her skirt up, just like in The Seven Year Itch. What Havana really wants is go to Hollywood (which is proof that she's not too bright, because there she'll be one of a million, whereas in the heartland she's at least distinctive).

Ever the quick buck artist, Havana helps her boyfriend, Peter (Tate Donovan), rob the Iowa State Fair, by distracting the manager, Greeson (Richard Riehle), with tears and seduction, the better to steal his keys and toss them out the window where Peter is waiting. He cleans out the safe, then bursts in on Havana and Greeson in a display of mock jealousy. But he somehow manages not to notice the security camera snapping his picture, and the next day his face is all over the papers. The partners in crime flee to a safe haven, which turns out to be . . .

. . . a Hutterite community in Canada? (If you're unfamiliar with the Hutterite branch of Christianity, think Amish; they share the same roots.) Yes, it turns out that Peter was lured from his pacifist, pastoral Hutterite origins by the temptations of the great wide world and women like Havana. But now he wants to go where modern media and communications can't reach, and he's more than willing to be welcomed back as the prodigal son. His mother, Orna (Lois Smith), is thrilled, and the village leader, Wilhelm (Armin Mueller-Stahl), is pleased to have a lost lamb return. Peter's younger brother, Ezekiel (Joseph Gordon-Levitt), is overjoyed until he sees Havana, whom he dubs a "stupid girl". Ezekiel is at an age where he's easily overwhelmed by things he doesn't understand. When it gets to be too much, he faints.

This may sound like the setup for a fish-out-of-water comedy, but it isn't. Sure, Havana barely makes an effort to fit in with Peter's old life, but there's nothing comedic about her attitude. She's like industrial pollution in the Hutterite well, and when Peter unexpectedly vanishes from the picture, the community asks her to leave. That's when the plot really goes out on a limb, invoking obscure Old Testament passages to give Ezekiel rights and responsibilities to step into his brother's shoes (Peter and Havana having gone through the motions of a marriage ceremony for the sake of appearances). For her part, Havana is strongly motivated to stay, because Peter hid the stolen money and didn't tell her where. She needs to remain while she searches for it.

But there's more! Certain that she's smarter than a kid, Havana asks Ezekiel whether he and Peter had any secret hiding places. This immediately leads the youngster to the stolen cash, which Peter helpfully wrapped in a newspaper containing the story of the robbery. What's a fine, upstanding Hutterite boy to do? Why, inform the elders, of course. Havana is shocked! shocked! that her beloved Peter could have been involved in criminal activity, and the elders order Ezekiel and Havana to return the stolen money. Off they go to Iowa, which, as far as Ezekiel is concerned, might as well be Mars.

Now, we really do have a fish-out-of-water story, but Ezekiel's the fish, and Havana plans to fry him at the first opportunity. Some of the film's best scenes occur at this late stage, as the quietly intense young innocent tries to navigate such unknown territory as a hotel. But it's taken over an hour to get here, and after so many false starts, how can the film possibly expect viewers to follow it in yet another direction? Wait -- let's do something completely unexpected. Suddenly there's a chase story, as Ezekiel and Havana find themselves pursued by a rogue FBI man, Markowski (John Schuck), who's nearing the bottom of a career slide and wouldn't mind ripping off a few thieves as an exit strategy. We're talking car chases, foot chases, hostage-taking, gun plays: the works!

Successful comedies have been made out of such wildly disparate elements, but they require a script with a strong narrative spine and a director whose focus never wavers (Midnight Run is a good example). But the script for Holy Matrimony is an invertebrate, and with no extras on the disc to provide a clue, one can only guess at what screenwriters David Weisberg and Douglas Cook were aiming at. (They would go on to join the squad hired by Bruckheimer and Simpson for The Rock, the script of which was also reportedly a mess and required massive rewrites by the actors themselves.) And Nimoy's direction certainly provides no focus. Is the film about Havana? She's the only character who's there from start to finish. So, if it's her film, what's the point of her Hutterite adventure? She ends up the same hard-bitten cynic she began, even if she does develop a soft spot for Ezekiel by the end. It's not like she's a changed woman or will do anything differently when she gets to Hollywood.

If the film is supposed to be about Ezekiel, it takes far too long to introduce us to our protagonist and, even then, it never fully adopts his perspective. It should have, though, because Gordon-Levitt is the only one of the three leads who creates a fully three-dimensional character, and he ends up stealing the movie -- which is all the more remarkable when one considers that he made it when he was twelve and before the extensive experience he accumulated doing 3rd Rock from the Sun. To watch the California-born Gordon-Levitt slip effortlessly into the skin of an Alberta farm boy trying desperately to discharge a man's responsibilities and dealing with people who make no sense to him is to watch a major talent being born. It's the one thing that makes Holy Matrimony worth seeing.

Holy Matrimony Blu-ray Movie, Video Quality 

Mill Creek blithely labels their discs as 1080p, and the first one I reviewed from them (Miami Rhapsody) actually was. But Holy Matrimony is 1080i, despite the label, and it's badly done 1080i at that. Combing artifacts occur frequently when there's motion in the frame, and the only saving grace is that they're mild and brief enough that they should go by unnoticed during normal playback (unless you're particularly sensitive to such things). But start doing freeze-frames -- say, for screen grabs -- and the instability of the individual fields becomes immediately apparent. Technical work of such low calibre should be a thing of the past with Blu-ray, even from a bargain bin operation churning out product for Wal-Mart.

(If anyone from Mill Creek is reading and is tempted to take offense, I have a simple answer: Do a better job, and you'll get a better review.)

If one can look past the combing artifacts, the 1080i, AVC-encoded image is flat and rather dull, with acceptable black levels that betray occasional crushing, a fair amount of detail and colors that are neither washed out nor too strong. I didn't see the film theatrically (almost no one did), but given the style typically associated with cinematographer Bobby Bukowski and the era in which it was made, I suspect this is pretty much how the film looked in its initial release. The source is less than pristine, with occasional but noticeable speckles, spots and print damage. I saw no indication of DNR or other filtering. Indeed, Mill Creek's approach doesn't seem to allow for the additional effort that such work would entail.

Holy Matrimony Blu-ray Movie, Audio Quality 

Mill Creek continues to label their Blu-rays as "Dolby Digital", but the film's original stereo soundtrack is presented in DTS lossless. The track is serviceable but unremarkable. Dialogue is clear and centered, and the film score by Bruce Broughton spreads through the rest of the system when played through a decoder such as DPL IIx. Otherwise, there is no significant surround activity.

Holy Matrimony Blu-ray Movie, Special Features and Extras 

None.

Holy Matrimony Blu-ray Movie, Overall Score and Recommendation 

Holy Matrimony is a film that's more noteworthy for who was associated with it than for the final product, and more interesting for what didn't work than for what did (which wasn't much). Still, every film deserves a better transfer than this, and someone at Mill Creek should figure out that those designations on the label under "Video" and "Audio" actually mean something and are supposed to be accurate. "1080p" doesn't mean 1080i, and "Dolby Digital" doesn't mean DTS-HD MA. And "don't buy this disc" isn't a favorable review.