Girl on the Third Floor Blu-ray Movie

Rating summary

Movie		3.5
Video		4.0
Audio		4.5
Extras		2.0
Overall		3.0

Girl on the Third Floor Blu-ray Movie Review

The money pit and the pendulum.

Reviewed by Randy Miller III December 29, 2019

Travis Stevens' Girl on the Third Floor doesn't feel like the product of a first-time director. This macabre mash-up of subverted genre tropes is both brilliant and kind of stupid, yet it's hard not to be swept up in the gleeful celebration of practical effects and pitch-black humor. Perhaps most surprising of all is the great lead performance by ex pro-wrestler Phil "CM Punk" Brooks...but only if you've never seen the guy cut a promo. (Punk has always been a beast on the mic, from early Ring of Honor days through his successful WWE run.) He portrays Don Koch, a married man who's just purchased a huge old house in the Chicago suburbs to fix up for his wife Liz and their expectant daughter. Problem is, Don's clearly in over his head: he's got almost no experience in home improvement but tackles the job anyway, hoping to put in a few solid weeks of work while his wife -- the breadwinner in their family -- puts in extra hours at the office. Oh yeah, Don's got one other little problem: their house might be alive and trying to kill him.

Assuming you're going in completely blind, the way in which Girl on the Third Floor leads us into its claustrophobic, harrowing world is very well done. We only get hints of danger around certain corners -- strange sounds (quickly investigated by Don's faithful dog, Cooper), eerie warning signs on the worn-out interior walls, and odd testimonies from neighbors like liberal pastor Sadie (Elissa Dowling). Even so, Don's dead-set on knocking down walls and peeling off wallpaper, regularly checking in with Liz while drinking everything he told her he wouldn't. As the days wear on, the house seems to bring out the worst in him: Don's drinking escalates, less gets done every day, and the flirting of sexy neighbor Sarah (Sarah Brooks, Punk's real-life wife) leads to a one-night stand. But much like all those eerie sounds and signs -- a moldy gash in the wall, rolling glass marbles, horrific hallucinations, and even various bodily fluids in the plumbing -- Sarah isn't going away anytime soon. It's not long before things turn really ugly and Girl on the Third Floor changes into a mixture of Evil Dead II, The Shining, and just about any work by David Cronenberg.

Of course, to discuss or analyze the film any further would undercut its effectiveness (not to mention a few genuine WTF moments, of which there are many), but let's just say there's a lot to like here: solid cinematography, excellent practical effects, great performances, and even a third-act narrative shift that feels a lot less intrusive than it sounds. Girl on the Third Floor is also loaded with subtext about male dominance and gender stereotypes, all while ushering in a story that unpacks more than a century of silent horror within the walls of a single house. Some of its twists fall flat, the subverted cliches often still feel like regular cliches, and the ending is kind of meh...but it's a solid genre entry that might age better than expected and, if we're keeping score, does more right than it does wrong. Dark Sky's Blu-ray follows suit with a great A/V presentation but comes up a little short in the extras department.

Girl on the Third Floor Blu-ray Movie, Video Quality 

Although not always a visually ambitious film by design, Girl on the Third Floor features a pleasingly consistent 1080p transfer from Dark Sky Films. At least 80% of this film takes place in the same empty house, with gaudy interior decoration at least producing a variety of colors and textures to break up some of the compositional monotony. Flesh tones and clothing fare well, with dark shadows and dimly-lit scenes enjoying a smooth appearance free from excessive banding or ugly artifacts. As this is a purely digital production, trace amounts of noise take the place of film grain but are not intrusive, even if the (mostly) naturally-lit interiors can't help but look a little flat at times. Rare trips outside the house, from daytime exteriors to the more colorfully-lit bowling alley scenes, also create a bit of visual interest along the way. Overall, it's a perfectly good transfer under the circumstances and one that fans will enjoy.

Girl on the Third Floor Blu-ray Movie, Audio Quality 

Girl on the Third Floor fares better in the audio department, as the default DTS-HD 5.1 Master Audio mix produces a number of well-earned chills along the way. Weather-related events, especially wind, establish a dominant presence while more unexplained phenomena hit at unexpected times and with plenty of impact. One moment involving a second-floor ceiling is especially well done and registers deep into lower frequencies, as do other jump scares along the way. Dialogue is primarily anchored up front and rarely overlaps; in fact, it's rare that more than one human appears during any given scene. Rear channels are reserved for subtle ambiance, creepy moments, and glass marbles rolling across hardwood, as well as the score (composed by Steve Albini, Alison Chesley, and Tim Midyet) and soundtrack (which features Converge, The Super Slings, Bastard Priest, Big Black, and others).

Optional English (SDH) subtitles are included during the film; they're formatted perfectly with no sync issues.

Girl on the Third Floor Blu-ray Movie, Special Features and Extras 

This one-disc release arrives in a standard keepcase and gory reversible cover artwork. No slipcover or inserts are included, and on-disc extras are surprisingly minimal aside from an audio commentary.

• Audio Commentary - This full-length track features director/co-writer Travis Stevens; CM Punk would have been really great to hear from as well, as there are quite a few gaps of silence that a second participant might have alleviated. Nonetheless, Stevens offers a relatively low-key but engaging commentary that covers all the expected bases. Topics of interest include location scouting around Chicago, casting CM Punk in the lead role, finding a supporting cast (including the dog), shooting in a confined space, flawed masculinity, going off the deep end, the production design and cinematography, biting off more than you can chew, the soundtrack and score, visual arcs, producing vs. directing, jump scares, unexplained plot developments, and more.

• Theatrical Trailer (2:17) - Creepily effective, but full of spoilers. Also available here.

• Teaser Trailer (0:53) - Short, sweet, and also here.

Girl on the Third Floor Blu-ray Movie, Overall Score and Recommendation 

Featuring great performances, a solid technical pedigree, and excellent practical effects, Girl on the Third Floor is fitfully effective but seems overcooked at times. Still, it's worth watching for genre fans or even CM Punk disciples, as it feels a bit more ambitious than most others in the "first-time director" class. Dark Sky's Blu-ray is decent enough but could have used more extras. If this film seems like your bottle of beer, it's at least worth trying out.