Rating summary

Movie		3.0
Video		4.0
Audio		4.0
Extras		2.0
Overall		3.0

Fire And Ice: The Dragon Chronicles Blu-ray Movie Review

World of world of world of dragon films.

Reviewed by Jeffrey Kauffman November 10, 2010

Long before The Daily Show delighted those with a decidedly jaded sense of the universe with its piquant dose of faux news, lovers of satire had The Onion to turn to, an initially print-only take on various world events which had started as a sort of campus prank at the University of Wisconsin Madison and then become a counterculture phenomenon. If you’ve never read any of the many Onion compilations that are available, you are missing some patently laugh out loud hilarious parodies of historical events, everything from the momentous (a 275 point headline announcing the beginning of World War II, which can only fit the “WA-“ on the first page, with a “jump” subtitle indicating the headline continues on a later page) to the picayune (my all time favorite Onion heading: “Tipper Gore Jerks Arhythmically at Inaugural Ball”). A few years ago The Onion started having a video presence online and has regularly contributed some fantastic send-ups of various cultural phenomena that certainly rate right up there with the best of The Daily Show’s segments, probably the highest compliment available in the satiric universe. One of The Onion’s most fabulous outings, at least for anyone who either has a child addicted to videogames or perchance is that “child” themselves, was their “World of World of Warcraft” piece, a brilliantly subversive little “news” item which purported to show the launch of a new computer game where players played players playing World of Warcraft (got it?). As one interview subject states in the piece, “The graphics are amazing, they’re revolutionary. I mean, when you’re staring at the computer screen, you actually believe you’re in a dimly lit basement staring at a computer screen.” That “once removed” feeling is something the viewer is most definitely going to experience watching Fire and Ice: The Dragon Chronicles, a middling effort that manages to work every hoary cliché about fire breathing beasts and the valiant village folk who battle them into its hour and a half playing time.

Princess Luisa (Amy Acker) is a plucky royal tomboy who is more prone to be slinging a sword than she is to be draping herself in gowns and other finery. Think Mulan, only more European and slightly less cartoon-like. Well, strike the less cartoon-like reference, as virtually everything in Fire and Ice plays like a live action cartoon, and not in a good way. Luisa’s royal domain finds itself under attack from a dragon made of fire, which in these pre-asbestos times is proving to be a bit of a problem both for structural integrity as well as the longevity of the townsfolk themselves. A banished Knight is evidently the only person who has ever successfully slain one of these beasts, and so, despite her parents’ protestations, Luisa sets off in search of the man. She soon discovers the Knight has shuffled off this mortal coil, but his handsome young son, Gabriel (Tom Wisdom), may have the skills necessary to help Luisa, both professionally and—ahem—personally. Gabriel is attended to by a sort of Sancho Panza helper named Sangimel (John Rhys-Davies). Gabriel soon discovers that while he himself may not be able to defeat the fiery dragon, he knows of another winged behemoth, this one made of ice, who can perhaps be lured into a battle with the first dragon which might vanquish both of them. Playing out against this dragony feud is a subplot involving Luisa’s kingly father (Arnold Vosloo), a duplicitous courtier (Razvan Vasilescu) and an invading King who thinks he controls the icy dragon.

Fire and Ice evidently received a European theatrical release, but it looks and plays much more like what an American audience will probably recognize it for being—a made for television movie, in this instance for what was once called the SciFi Channel. In the unintentional hilarity department, this was evidently the most expensive film ever made in Romania. Of course, that begs the question as to whether Fire and Ice is the only film ever made in Romania (yes, yes, I’m joking). The film’s three million or so budget pays off in some pretty nice looking CGI for the two dragons, as well as some very nice location footage in misty forests and jagged mountains, but alas, no amount of money can overcome the turgid script and often wooden acting that accompanies this outing. The film also features some of the most patently bad fight choreography in recent memory, not a good sign for a film this laden with swords and sorcery.

Acker has achieved some renown for her role on television’s Angel, and she embodies the persnickety bravado of Luisa well enough, but some of the dialogue with which she’s saddled just leaves the actress floundering about in admittedly scenic vistas. The role of Gabriel is also so pat and patently trite that Wisdom has little if anything to build an apt characterization out of. In fact only Rhys-Davies rises above the pretty mediocre writing of Fire and Ice to deliver a character that is at least partially formed and about which the audience comes to care, albeit slightly. Rhys-Davies in fact can make more of a raised eyebrow or throwaway line than most actors, and those proclivities are badly needed throughout this enterprise.

Director Pitof was Visual Effects Supervisor on two of my all time favorite French films, Delicatessen and City of Lost Children. (He did similar duty on Alien: Resurrection.) However, a film must always be more than simply stunning visual effects (and truth be told, Fire and Ice never even rises to “stunning”); it must have a cogent storyline and characters with whom the audience identifies. Pitof’s only other directorial effort of any renown is the lamentable Halle Berry Catwoman, which may give the more prescient reader an idea of what they’re up against in Fire and Ice. Not only does this story not really make a lot of sense much of the time, there’s nothing and no one who rivets the viewer’s imagination, and that includes the two elemental dragons. Pitof has an incredible visual sweep; this film is full to bursting with dolly shots, crane shots, tracking shots and every other kind of motion you can drum up. But it’s all window dressing surrounding a largely empty center.

Fire And Ice: The Dragon Chronicles Blu-ray Movie, Video Quality 

Fire and Ice looks at times like it was shot on HD video, but if you don't mind that smooth, textureless appearance (at least some of the time), this AVC encoded 1080p transfer (in 1.78:1) is pretty nice looking, albeit purposefully soft and misty a lot of the time. Pitof goes for a desaturated look, intentionally post processing several shots with an odd sort of yellow-white ambience (think Delicatessen, though not quite so post-Apocaplyptic), with occasionally blown out contrast that does rob the image of some fine detail. Other shots, though, are absolutely amazing and actually do reveal a fair amount of natural looking grain. As Rhys-Davies emerges from an underground lair with Gabriel, the sharpness is spectacular and literally breathtaking, a true "you are there" window on the filmic world moment. In fact a lot of close-ups of faces in particular look fantastic. The CGI is OK, nothing more, and most of the dragon movements are so quick, and so quickly edited, that it ultimately doesn't matter much anyway.

Fire And Ice: The Dragon Chronicles Blu-ray Movie, Audio Quality 

Fire and Ice's DTS-HD Master Audio 5.1 mix has some very nice and rather robust moments, especially when the fire breathing dragon lets loose with a long plume of flame. The "whoosh" in this moments is wonderfully intense, and is clearly directional, helping to make the terror the townsfolk feel at least a little more realistic. But the special effects segments of this film are frankly few and far between. While there's nothing to complain about here, with excellent fidelity and an all around pleasing mix, there's just not very much to get excited about, either. Yes, the horse hooves clearly amble across the soundfield as Luisa trots through a sun dappled field. Yes, the quicksilver clash of sword hitting sword is appealingly metallic and brittle. But for a fantasy film of this ilk, this is really a pretty surprisingly staid sound mix, obviously revealing its television roots. If you don't expect too much from this lossless track, you won't be disappointed. If you come to Fire and Ice expecting Lord of the Rings magnificence, I have a World of World of Warcraft game I'd like to sell you.

Fire And Ice: The Dragon Chronicles Blu-ray Movie, Special Features and Extras 

A pretty standard Making Of (yes, that's what it's called) (SD; 16:43) featurette is included, which offers interviews with the principal cast and crew. Rhys-Davies is amusing, the rest are pretty forgettable.

Fire And Ice: The Dragon Chronicles Blu-ray Movie, Overall Score and Recommendation 

To paraphrase The Onion's bit on World of World of Warcraft, "Fire and Ice will make you believe you're watching a screen that's showing a screen of a dragon movie you've seen before." Or something like that. This is simply too hackneyed an attempt to ever generate much traction, though Pitof certainly has a very fine visual sense. If you're a sword and sorcery nut, this will probably be an OK evening's rental, otherwise I'd stay in your dimly lit basement playing video games about video games.