Eyeborgs Blu-ray Movie

Rating summary

Movie		1.5
Video		3.0
Audio		3.5
Extras		2.0
Overall		2.0

Eyeborgs Blu-ray Movie Review

Big Brother and Minority Report in a messy head-on collision.

Reviewed by Casey Broadwater June 20, 2010

Do a web search for “eyeborg” and most of the top links will send you to Canadian documentary filmmaker Rob Spence, who lost an eye in a shotgun accident when he was young and recently decided to modify his prosthetic eye into a tiny, wireless, lithium battery-powered video camera. His ongoing project is suggestive of all sorts of issues and possibilities, from Orwellian 24/7 surveillance in big cities and the continuing debate over privacy rights, to true “life-casting” and the ability to get documentary subjects to talk un-self-consciously on camera—a camera they don't even know is there. For as much as it seems like a publicity stunt—and, to be honest, announcing to the world that you’re going to implant video hardware into your eye socket most definitely is a publicity stunt—Spence’s ocular spy-cam has fascinating implications. Unfortunately, although it deals with some similar themes, Eyeborgs—a low-budget, straight-to-video sci-fi film—has nothing to do with Spence. I say “unfortunately,” because I’d much rather watch insanely graphic macro footage of an eye surgery than have to re-watch Eyeborgs, a dull, over-obvious satire of sorts that’s almost blindingly bad.

Rightfully so, the government has outlawed those stupid tuxedo shirts. Get 'em Eyeborg!

Imagine, if you can—no, if you dare—an America of the not-so-distant future where the dodgier, more Big Brother-y aspects of the Patriot Act have been taken to the extreme. In this climate of suspicion and control, the Department of Homeland Security has created ODIN—the Optical Defense Intelligence Network—a nationwide array of security cameras trained on every inch of public property. As if this weren’t enough, they’ve also deployed thousands of mobile robotic surveillance cameras, otherwise known as—drum roll please—Eyeborgs. Yes, if you haven’t figured it out, a laugh-out-loud-worthy portmanteau of “eye” and “cyborgs.” These mechanical insect-oids prowl the streets, ever vigilant, looking for suspicious activity and logging it in ODIN’s massive, intel-crunching database.

Somehow, the American people seem cool with this. It’s kind of like Minority Report—okay, it blatantly rips off Minority Report—as crime is down and the public is willing to sacrifice privacy for safety. But what if—what if indeed—what if the eyeborgs were more than just cameras? What if they were actually weaponized, and could secretly take down targets the government wants disposed? And not only that, but what if they were exceptionally good at covering their tracks? And furthermore—this just keeps getting better and better—what if ODIN was more than just a database? What if was actually a massive supercomputer capable of hoodwinking the populace with real-time falsified video? The what-ifs, by this point, are staggering.

Such is the premise of Eyeborgs, a film that wants so desperately to be a war on terror sci-fi satire, but simply doesn’t have the narrative, mental, or financial wherewithal to pull it off. There is, believe it or not, a story in here somewhere, a drawn-out plot that reduces the complexity of a very real potential problem—a government spying on its citizens—to its most idiot- proof. Former Highlander heartthrob Adrian Paul, looking like a poor man’s Christian Bale, is R.J. “Gunner” Reynolds, a hotshot federal agent whose family was brutally murdered before the advent of the eyeborgs. (Hence, his unquestioning allegiance to the eyeborg project.) When a kooky, bearded conspiracy theorist—what other kind is there?—tries to assassinate the president’s nephew, Jarett (Luke Eberl), a purple-haired wanna-be punk rocker, “Gunner” is drawn into an ever-widening awareness of the true purpose and intentions of ODIN and the nefarious eyeborgs. While Gunner gets tangled in this electronic web of lies, TV news journalist Barbara Hawkins (Megan Blake) keeps close watch, hoping to bust the story wide open.

Tangents abound: A trip to an “exotic” car wash! (Hint: the women who do the washing are exotic, not the cars.) A hardcore “screamo” concert with an audience of dorky-looking goth kids! (Hint to middle-aged filmmakers: crisscrossing musical youth sub-cultures equals instant loss of street cred.) The film swings at some obvious targets—the vapidity of network news sound-bytes, the dangers of restricting civil freedoms, political fear mongering—but it either misses entirely or hits the issues too squarely on the nose. There’s no subtlety here.

Who needs satirical subtlety when you’ve got spider-like, cut-rate CGI robots scampering about, spying and—when the figurative gloves finally come off—drilling holes in people’s faces? There’s definitely potential here for exploitive, blood-spilling fun—think 1984 gone gruesome—but the film plays it way too safe and sober in its misguided attempt have a serious message. Really, how seriously can you take a film called Eyeborgs? A better tact for husband and wife filmmaking team Richard and Fran Clabaugh would’ve been to push Eyeborgs way over the top, to drop the Johnny-come-lately political satire conceit, embrace b-movie ridiculousness, and make an all-out mechanical monster film, with blood and guts galore. There are a few moments of camp levity, like when a car-parked couple “get high” on now-illegal tobacco, but the film—script, action, actors and all—is much too humorless considering the absurdity of its premise. The dialogue is clunky, the effects are cheap, and the performances are completely straight-faced. I hate to rag on ultra-low budget productions, but if you’re going to make an indie sci-fi film, you’ve got to overcome the financial restrictions with a compelling story or a unique perspective. Eyeborgs never does.

Eyeborgs Blu-ray Movie, Video Quality 

Eyeborgs arrives on Blu-ray with a 1080p/AVC-encoded transfer that, low budget and cut-rate CGI considered, looks pretty good. While there are a few soft, slightly blurry shots that would suggest the film needs a trip to the cinematic optometrist, there's a decent—at least, noticeably high definition —amount of detail to be seen in the 2.35:1-framed image. There's really no texture to the CGI creations—just smooth, flat, silver surfaces—but you can usually discern at least some fine detail on the performers' faces, especially character actor Danny Trejo's iconically pocked and pitted visage. In terms of color, the palette here is realistic and restrained, with occasional vivid splashes, like Barbara's red sweater or Jarett's purple hair, and natural skin tones. Black levels are bit problematic during many of the nighttime scenes—crushing detail or else looking too hazy—but daylight sequences have good contrast. The film was shot on 35mm—on this budget, I was expecting digital—and though it seems a light amount of DNR was applied, we never get into outright waxy, smeary, clay-face territory, and edge enhancement isn't a concern. There are some slight compression-related issues—blotchy colors in the background and noise—but nothing overtly distracting. Overall, the image looks better than you might expect, but it's not exactly eye candy.

Eyeborgs Blu-ray Movie, Audio Quality 

The film's DTS-HD Master Audio 5.1 surround track is also a bit of a surprise, with occasionally booming bass response and some hectic—if heavy-handed—sound design during the action sequences. There's a lot of gunplay, especially toward the end of the film, and the bullets spray out of the speakers from all directions, popping and zipping and putting you right in the middle of the crossfire. None of it is subtle—not by a long shot—but it is incredibly loud, with LFE rumble to accentuate the spitfire insanity. You'll hear other effects as well—rain and thunder in the rears, a helicopter moving between channels, mechanical robot noises—but the only time the track really amps up is during these machine gun shootouts. The less said about the music that plays over the menu the better—it's probably the single worst metal song I've ever heard, and that's saying something—but the rest of the score is at least tolerable, in a cheesy, low-budget sci-fi kind of way. And it sounds good, with a nice spread between channels and plenty of oomph. Though dialogue isn't always as high in the mix as it should be—voices have a slightly muffled quality at times—I never had to volume boost to hear what was being said.

Eyeborgs Blu-ray Movie, Special Features and Extras 

Behind the Scenes (1080p, 32:30)
The film's fairly comprehensive production documentary is broken into five segments. Making Eyeborgs, the bulk of the experience, is made up of your typical cast and crew interviews, along with on-set footage of the shoot. The rest of the vignettes--Stunts, Visual Effects, How To Make A Robot In 3 Minutes, and Blooper Reel--are self-explanatory.

Deleted Scenes (1080p, 9:40)
Includes six scenes: Brandon and Tonya Smoke, Extended Interrogation, Barbara and Eric Review Footage, Sankur's Apartment, Eric's Files, and Barbara Meets Ed.

Trailer (SD, 2:04)

Eyeborgs Blu-ray Movie, Overall Score and Recommendation 

Even if Eyeborgs had a $100 million budget and could afford cutting-edge CGI and big-name actors, its plodding story and bald-faced, subtlety-free idea of satire would drag it down into sci-fi mediocrity. (Imagine, then, what's it's like with its bargain basement visual effects and a cut-rate cast.) I always hate to bash these super-small productions—it's clear the filmmakers did what they could with their limited resources—but Eyeborgs just isn't compelling enough to be worth your time. If you're dead set on picking this one up, though, you should be pleased with the disc's decent audio/video performance.