Dracula: The Dirty Old Man / Tales of a Salesman Blu-ray Movie

Rating summary

Movie		2.0
Video		4.0
Audio		4.0
Extras		2.5
Overall		3.5

Dracula: The Dirty Old Man / Tales of a Salesman Blu-ray Movie Review

Reviewed by Brian Orndorf May 20, 2023

Something went wrong with whatever 1969’s “Dracula (The Dirty Old Man)” was originally intended to be. Instead of pursuing a lost cause, the producers elected to beat critics to the punch, following in the footsteps of Woody Allen’s “What’s Up, Tiger Lily?” by dubbing over most of the feature with goofy comedic lines, turning a bad sexploitation effort into funny business. It’s a salvage job for an already bizarre picture, and whatever writer/director William Edwards originally had in mind for this no-budget take on the world of vampires and servants has been hastily reworked in the pursuit of laughs and cheap titillation. Humor isn’t labored over in “Dracula (The Dirty Old Man),” with the whole endeavor slapdash, with perhaps mere hours devoted to taking something monstrous and turning it into tomfoolery.

Mike (Billy Whitton) is a newspaper man trying to romance Ann (Ann Hollis), but he’s pulled away from seduction by an assignment, which takes him into the desert to visit an old mine. Inside is Mr. Alucard (Vince Kelley), who’s really Dracula, using his power of hypnosis and the might of a magic necklace to transform the Average Joe into the monstrous Jackalman, sending this abomination into the night to collect women for the vampire to feel up and feast on. Struggling with this new reality, Mike tries to battle his animalistic side, but Dracula is a powerful master, delighting in his growing collection of human sacrifices as he makes a cozy home inside a remote cave.

Why does Dracula sound like a Borscht Belt comedian? It’s one of many questions raised while watching “Dracula (The Dirty Old Man),” which presents viewers with a flimsy tale of a monster who lives in a cave, looking to find someone to help him feed. Storytelling isn’t the goal of the picture, but the dubbing process generally removes plot from the endeavor, which begins with bad poetry from a narrator (Ron Scott) and soon connects Mike to Dracula, with the evil one transforming the poor sap into an animal, which requires a little body fur and a Halloween mask. “Dracula (The Dirty Old Man)” is primarily created to generate nudity and awkward (good lord, so awkward) sexual situations, but the production has to get through some layers of humor first, with the voice cast basically riffing on character movements in what appears to be single takes of such shenanigans.

“Dracula (The Dirty Old Man)” plays loose with the dubbing, with the voice actors trying to inert silliness whenever possible, including the addition of inner monologues, which basically offer invented reactions to on-screen thespian movement. Imagination for such a comedic journey is extraordinarily limited, with most of the gags involving references to characters having to go to the bathroom. That’s pretty much the height of the jokes in the feature, but there are curious choices, including the aforementioned Borscht Belt take on Dracula, with the ghoul happy to collect young women in his lair while being openly disappointed by their breast sizes (this makes one feel bad for the actresses participating in this endeavor). Mike’s battle of monstrous breakouts is also prime fodder for jesting in “Dracula (The Dirty Old Man),” with Jackalman sent out into the world to bring back women, but his urges overwhelm him, resulting in a sexual assault scene that’s played as a goof, and maybe it is, but it runs for what feels like an eternity. But then again, most of this picture does.

On-set sound makes a cameo appearance with couple Bob (Ron Scott) and Susan (Adarainne), a couple trying to power through a make-out session that doesn’t end well. Suddenly, “Dracula (The Old Dirty Man)” shuts off the jokes, forcing viewers to watch two people who don’t seem to like each other engage in sexual activity for minutes of screen time. Jackalman eventually arrives on the scene, but he takes his time, allowing the production to offer more sexploitation additions, with Susan unable to be aroused by Bob, better off on her own, or with some help from a rampaging monster. It’s a terrible scene, but hey, at least there’s no dubbing.

Dracula: The Dirty Old Man / Tales of a Salesman Blu-ray Movie, Video Quality 

The AVC encoded image (1.85:1 aspect ratio) presentation is listed as "preserved from the only known 35mm print in existence." What's here is fairly rough in appearance, with extensive damage throughout the viewing experience. Deep emulsion scratches are continuous along with some missing footage near the end of the feature. Detail reaches as far as possible, offering some sense of skin particulars, especially as nudity takes over the film. Period costuming is also mildly textured. Cave interiors and various locations are reasonably dimensional. Color is adequately revived, with decent primaries on clothing and decorative additions. Skin tones are natural. Delineation is satisfactory.

Dracula: The Dirty Old Man / Tales of a Salesman Blu-ray Movie, Audio Quality 

The 2.0 DTS-HD MA is a basic presentation of dubbed dialogue (with the exception of one sequence), and intelligibility is preserved. Scoring cues support with less emphasis, but jazzy sounds are appreciable.

Dracula: The Dirty Old Man / Tales of a Salesman Blu-ray Movie, Special Features and Extras 

• Commentary features film historian Dennis Campa.

• Alternate Version (69:01, SD) of "Dracula ("The Dirty Old Man") is offered, sourced from its video release.

• "Tales of a Salesman" (63:53, HD) is a bonus movie, presented in "Nudavision" and "Lusticolor."

• A Trailer has not been included on this release.

Dracula: The Dirty Old Man / Tales of a Salesman Blu-ray Movie, Overall Score and Recommendation 

Taking "Dracula (The Old Dirty Man)" seriously is missing the point of this reworking, but it's a challenge to sit through the movie, which doesn't offer considered comedy, just crude riffing from people with a limited imagination for humor. There's some amusement in the budget-free achievements of the feature, and there's a brief scene at a drive-in, which is interesting to see. However, a snowballing sense of fun isn't present in "Dracula (The Dirty Old Man)," which is best viewed as a curiosity from producers desperate to do something with a filmmaking plan that didn't work out.