Rating summary

Movie		1.5
Video		4.5
Audio		3.5
Extras		2.5
Overall		3.0

Dr. Seuss' The Cat in the Hat Blu-ray Movie Review

"This mess is so big and so deep and so tall, we can not pick it up. There is no way at all!"

Reviewed by Kenneth Brown February 9, 2012

There are only a select few feature films based on Dr. Seuss stories. One of the most recent of them, Jimmy Hayward and Steve Martino's CG-animated Horton Hears a Who!, is nothing short of a how-to guide to adapting Dr. Seuss for the big screen. It both reveres and reinvents the original tale, and does so with the utmost respect and love for the famed author's more whimsical flourishes, colorful cast of characters, and playful text (and not-so-playful subtext). The first two, though -- Ron Howard's How the Grinch Stole Christmas and director Bo Welch's universally panned The Cat in the Hat -- are nothing less than Hollywood cautionary tales; battered, mud-spattered road signs that read, in big blocky black letters, WRONG WAY. Howard's Grinch isn't nearly as unwatchable (or unredeemable) as Welch's reviled Cat in the Hat, I'll grant you that, but both dismantle and diminish the magic of their original stories, allow a comedian to overindulge himself at the expense of an already bloated production, and overlook and undermine the simplicity and spirit that have helped Seuss' tales endure the test of time. Cat takes its disregard for its source one unbearable step further, though, chewing, swallowing and coughing up the children's classic kids of all ages have adored for more than fifty years.

"No! No! Make that cat go away! Tell that Cat in the Hat you do not want to play."

Just how bad is Welch's Cat in the Hat? So bad that Theodor Geisel's widow publicly criticized the film and its star, and made it clear that she would never again allow a live-action adaptation of one of her late husband's stories to go to production. Ouch. Still, watching Welch, Mike Myers and misguided producer Brian Grazer trample over Dr. Seuss' grave is even more painful. Rather than weave a simple tale of a mischievous but well-meaning cat who causes trouble for two children, Welch identifies and injects what Geisel's original story was sorely lacking: crude jokes, potty humor, adult innuendo, plumber's crack and Paris Hilton cameos. (Oh, sarcasm. How could I ever live without you?) Jim Carrey at least brought heart and good cheer to Howard's Grinch. Myers is a mean-spirited hairball of energy at times, a vicious dry heave even, leaving one to wonder why he would sign on if he didn't have some deep-seated affection for the wily cat beneath the iconic striped hat. He doesn't amuse, he irritates. He doesn't deliver light-hearted jokes, he hurls endless wisecracks. He doesn't make you feel at home in the crazy, cartoonish world of the Cat, Thing 1 and Thing 2, or the Dynamic Industrial Renovating Tractormajigger either; he makes you want to run screaming from the Waldens' house, and that's before he even hits his slapstick stride.

Much as I loathe taking pot shots at children's performances, the two tykes the Cat visits... erm, harasses, Conrad (Spencer Breslin) and Sally (Dakota Fanning), are as obnoxious as Myers' feisty feline and his bounding besties. The rest of the cast isn't any better, although I place more blame on Welch and screenwriters Alec Berg, David Mandel and Jeff Schaffer -- rather than Alec Baldwin, Kelly Preston, Sean Hayes or Amy Hill -- for cramming in so many extraneous characters and subplots in the first place. Baldwin is the Waldens' not-so-neighborly neighbor Larry, a slick schemer determined to swoop in and marry Conrad and Sally's mom, Joan (Preston)... for the money, of all things. He only needs to frame Conrad and convince Joan to send the destructive hellion to the Colonel Wilhelm Military Academy for Troubled Youth. You know, just like in the book. A string of inconsequential developments follow, with Hill snoozing on the couch as the Waldens' narcoleptic babysitter, Mrs. Kwan, and Hayes stepping in as Joan's fire-happy boss Mr. Hummerfloob and the voice of the huffy goldfish who takes issue with the Cat's antics. No, I'm not so naive as to believe "The Cat in the Hat" offered Welch, Grazer and their trio of screenwriters enough material to sustain a 90-minute adaptation (or a 82-minute misfire, as it were). But there's a difference between expanding a 60-page children's book with tender loving care (a la Horton Hears a Who!) and gutting said book, stuffing it with filler, stitching its corpse back together, and giving the terrifying Frankenstein abomination life. Welch and Myers' Cat is the stuff of childhood nightmares, all prosthetic leers and rubber-faced jeers.

Visually, The Cat in the Hat isn't much better. Garish hues give way to glaring splashes of primaries and pastels, creepy critters and chummy creatures, and cumbersome machinery and inventions, none of which is imbued with the quaint watercolor essence of Dr. Seuss' illustrations. Everything is thrown over the top of over-the-top; every locale and set a case of production designers gone wild; every character a living, breathing cartoon shambling about as if hideous is somehow synonymous with magical. You won't find any untapped magic in Welch's laboratory, though. His Razzie-sweeping production tries to hide its sinister edge in brash, bubblepop sweetness, but the result is as disjointed and ungainly as it sounds. Meanwhile the Cat, all six freakish, furry feet of him, is as an unsettling a sight as any. My son doesn't flinch when an Uruk- hai bears its teeth or a Rancor reaches for a Jedi, but the mere sight of Myers' Cat unnerved the poor kid so suddenly I had to pause to see if he wanted to keep watching. Thing 1 and Thing 2 didn't help settle his perpetual unease, and he's grown up with "The Cat in the Hat" in his bedtime story rotation. Even Jim Carrey's Grinch didn't slither under my son's skin like the Cat did, and Howard was trying to make his Whovian menace as unapproachable and unappealing as possible. (I felt a few shivers ripple down my spine as well. And I'm topping thirty.) I have no doubt there are those who will genuinely enjoy the film, and I hope at least one of them publishes a User Review defending The Cat in the Hat. I've made my feelings quite clear, but I'll be the first to admit I have guilty pleasure flicks all my own; childhood favorites I'll treasure till my dying day regardless of what anyone thinks. Someone, somewhere loves The Cat in the Hat. More power to 'em, I say. Let he who is without a guilty pleasure cast the first cinematic stone.

Dr. Seuss' The Cat in the Hat Blu-ray Movie, Video Quality 

Shifting gears for a moment, let's pretend The Cat in the Hat is a masterpiece and examine its 1080p/VC-1 encoded video transfer accordingly. If I had any love for Welch's adaptation, I would be absolutely ecstatic with Universal's high definition presentation. I don't like the film one bit and I still found myself getting a little excited by its top-drawer treatment. Colors are bold and blazing, primaries are perfect for inducing a migraine, skintones somehow retain their lifelike appearance, and black levels are rich and inky. Contrast is spot on as well, and the image is sharp as a tack; the only exceptions being those scenes that rely on copious amounts of CG, some of which are hindered by a slightly softer image. Still, there's no sign of any DNR or overzealous edge enhancement, and every last detail present in Emmanuel Lubezki's original photography has been preserved and primed for your viewing pleasure. Textures are crisp and clean, edges are sharp and refined, and what little grain there is (imperceptible as it tends to be) hasn't been touched. Better still, there aren't any oddities to report. No artifacting, no banding, no aliasing, no smearing, no significant edge halos, no unwanted ingredients that might spoil the stew. Come to think of it, it's one of the more impressive Universal catalog presentations in recent memory. Who knew?

Dr. Seuss' The Cat in the Hat Blu-ray Movie, Audio Quality 

Bright and playful as it is, The Cat in the Hat's DTS-HD Master Audio 5.1 surround track is surprisingly front-heavy at times, although I have little doubt any shortcomings trace back to the film's sound design. Dialogue fills out the front of the soundfield nicely, with clear, intelligible voices and very few lines that get overwhelmed by the Cat's chaos. The rear speakers pick and choose their moments to shine -- some effects assault the listener, others are anchored to either side of the screen -- but the soundfield makes up for its less-than-immersive immersion with antsy aggression and a string of over-the-top whizzes and bangs. LFE output is more commendable, despite the fact that it abandons David Newman's music to lend its weight to whatever explosions, roaring inventions, or wacky waterfalls the Walden kids encounter. Even then, the best of the low-end shenanigans aren't nearly as punchy or larger-than-life as the film's visuals. Ultimately, middling prioritization and hit-or-miss directionality are the real troublemakers here, making The Cat in the Hat's lossless mix a fun but inconsistent experience that doesn't boast the precision or prowess that would help the on-screen insanity come alive. Serviceable? Definitely. Above average? I won't argue. As remarkable as the film's video transfer, though? I certainly wouldn't go that far. This Cat looks much better than it sounds.

Dr. Seuss' The Cat in the Hat Blu-ray Movie, Special Features and Extras 

• Audio Commentary: Director Bo Welch and actor Alec Baldwin sit down to discuss "this here Cat in the Hat," the genesis of the production, casting, the visuals and special effects, the production design and, really, anything anyone could ever want to know about the film. Both men seem completely taken with everything on screen -- delusion or proximity? -- but Baldwin does take a few swings at the movie (in between industry anecdotes and random tangents). He plays each criticism and veiled insult off as a joke ("One of the great things about this is no continuity at all. But it's fun! We love that!"), but the uncomfortable laughs that follow are telling. It's almost worth listening to the commentary just to catch the nine or ten awkward pauses between the two. Almost. Unless you love all things Cat in the Hat, spend your time elsewhere.
• Production Featurettes (SD, 26 minutes): Ten two-to-three-minute production featurettes are available, among them "Seussville USA," "The Mother of All Messes," "The Cat," "The Hat," "The Fish," "The Kids," "The Car Stacks," "The Music," "The Dirt on D.I.R.T." and "The S.L.O.W."
• Dance Along with the Cat (SD, 9 minutes): Dance lessons for the kiddies. Mike Myers isn't involved, though, so the Cat keeps his back to the camera at all times. It's... awkward and odd.
• The Real Dr. Seuss (SD, 3 minutes): An all-too-brief introduction to Theodor Geisel, the real Dr. Seuss.
• The Purrrr-fect Stamp (SD, 3 minutes): The post office issues a Dr. Seuss stamp.
• Deleted Scenes (SD, 17 minutes): Glutton for punishment? See what didn't make Welch's 82-minute cut.
• Outtakes (SD, 6 minutes): Mike Myers stars in this fairly standard gag reel.

Dr. Seuss' The Cat in the Hat Blu-ray Movie, Overall Score and Recommendation 

And our fish came down, too. He fell into a pot! He said, "Do I like this? Oh, no! I do not. This is not a good game," said our fish as he lit. "No, I do not like it, Not one little bit!" I didn't laugh my way through The Cat in the Hat, I sighed. I didn't enjoy my time with the Walden children, I kept glancing at the clock. I didn't have fun with Myers' Cat, I just got a little sick to my stomach. Nothing about The Cat in the Hat lives up to the classic children's book that inspired it. It's forced, irritating, bloated (even if at 82-minutes) and wholly unremarkable. Fortunately, Universal's Blu-ray release is another story thanks to a near-perfect video transfer, a decent DTS-HD Master Audio track, and a number of extras. For some, The Cat in the Hat is a guilty pleasure. For me, it's one of the worst movies of all time. I'd recommend proceeding with caution.