Don't Tell Her It's Me Blu-ray Movie

Rating summary

Movie		2.0
Video		3.0
Audio		2.0
Extras		0.0
Overall		2.5

Don't Tell Her It's Me Blu-ray Movie Review

Reviewed by Brian Orndorf August 27, 2022

In 2012, Steve Guttenberg released a memoir, with “The Guttenberg Bible” detailing his quest to become a working actor in Hollywood, with dreams of achieving stardom. The book is attentive to the lean years of the 1970s, and his rise to screen prominence in the 1980s, but information beyond that isn’t available, with Guttenberg trying to end on a slightly happier note of experience and fame. He made his mark with hits such as “Police Academy,” “Cocoon,” and “Three Men and a Baby,” and he shares the strange ride of success, with particular attention to monetary offers, showing little shame when it came time to accept money gigs during his most in-demand years. The 1990s were less kind to Guttenberg, with 1990’s “Don’t Tell Her It’s Me” (also known as “The Boyfriend School”) a good example of a thespian chasing a paycheck instead of paying close attention to the material. Guttenberg (reportedly paid a million dollars to commit to the project) joins Shelley Long and Jami Gertz in an adaptation of a Sarah Bird novel (the author takes on screenwriting duties), working to conjure some kind of romantic comedy magic with an idiotic plot that’s often far too cruel to register any warmth. That Guttenberg, or anyone, agreed to take part in this hopeless endeavor is amazing, triggering more post-screening conversation than the movie itself.

Lizzie (Shelley Long) is a successful romance novelist in South Carolina who’s fiercely protective of her younger brother, Gus (Steve Guttenberg), doing her best to care for the cartoonist as his battle with Hodgkin’s Lymphoma winds down. Gus is hairless and overweight, living with depression as he tries to put his life back together, and Lizzie is determined to find him a girlfriend. When she meets reporter Emily (Jami Gertz), Lizzie goes all-in trying to introduce Gus to her, hoping to play matchmaker with her sibling, who has deep insecurity issues about his looks. Emily ultimately isn’t interested in Gus, busy handling her own relationship issues with her boss, Trout (Kyle MacLachlan), who’s persistent but also tempted by Mandy (Madchen Amick), another employee. Gus falls in love with Emily, but doesn’t know how to attract her attention, soon partnering with Lizzie to create the character of Lobo, a New Zealand biker with looks inspired by a romance novel cover, gifting the lonely man a shot at capturing Emily’s attention. While he impresses Emily, Gus realizes he’s in too deep with his ruse, unable to present the real him to a smitten woman.

Logic problems are all over “Don’t Tell Her It’s Me,” which asks the audience to believe that Emily is an absolute moron despite her profession, which requires a defined sense of situational awareness and ability to read human behavior. Even with the permissive ways of the subgenre, the Lobo plan is quite a stretch, but the scheme comes in the second half of the endeavor. The first half is devoted to Lizzie and her attempts to bring Gus back to life after dealing with an illness that’s nearly killed him. He’s out of shape, without hair, and ghostly white, self-medicating with junk food and isolation while he struggles to return to work with obscure cartoons for a fringe magazine. Gus is in a bad place, and the writing doesn’t treat his mental health issues with the respect they deserve, instead using them as support for comedic happenings, while Guttenberg’s makeup is iffy at best, making him look goofy instead of authentically unwell.

While Gus recovers from his near-death experience, Lizzie is determined to find him love, which is an insane idea, but “Don’t Tell Her It’s Me” is just getting started when it comes to weirdness. Putting on a toupee and trying to offer charm, Gus can’t catch Emily’s attention, inspiring the siblings to pull off a grand act of deception to make their target submit. This involves the creation of Lobo, a biker with a big mullet and a bad attitude from New Zealand (Guttenberg isn’t built for accent work), with Lizzie using her literary training to generate an irresistible man. “Don’t Tell Her It’s Me” soon becomes a sitcom, with Gus, as Lobo, proving his heroism when Emily is caught up in a gas station robbery. In the real world, Emily would clearly see this is the same man she’s met before, but apparently blue eye contacts and a tan hide everything, and the reporter is soon hot for the stranger, putting Gus in an uncomfortable position of deception which, amazingly, surprises him. Surely he understands the complexity of posing as a completely different human being to win Emily over? Not really, as Bird needs these characters to be incredibly dumb (with possible vision issues) to generate the faint outline of a love story. It just doesn’t work, especially when director Malcolm Mowbray (“Out Cold”) looks to emphasize the comedic aspects of the plot, not the fantasy of it all.

Don't Tell Her It's Me Blu-ray Movie, Video Quality 

The AVC encoded image (1.78:1 aspect ratio) presentation for "Don't Tell Her It's Me" is sourced from a "brand new 2K master," giving fans of the film a new viewing option for a title that's gone out-of-print with previous home video releases. Detail is softer, delivering light textures on costuming and decoration, and facial surfaces aren't crisp, limiting makeup work with Gus's sickly appearance. Exteriors retain slight dimension, exploring South Carolina depth. Colors are appreciable, delivering snappier hues with period outfits, and greenery is passable. Skin tones are natural, and Gus's illness is preserved with a bloodless appearance. The blue eye contact gag registers as intended. Delineation is acceptable. Grain is on the chunky side, with some blockiness. Source is in decent condition.

Don't Tell Her It's Me Blu-ray Movie, Audio Quality 

Something is off about during the 2.0 DTS-HD MA mix, which delivers detectable channel instability. This is especially evident with dialogue exchanges, which "move" slightly between the fronts, creating an unnatural and restless sound. It's unclear if this is a technical error or a source issue, and it's also found in soundtrack selections and scoring.

Don't Tell Her It's Me Blu-ray Movie, Special Features and Extras 

• Alternate Opening Title (:48, HD) provides part of the main title sequence for "The Boyfriend School."

• And a Theatrical Trailer (2:07, HD) is included.

Don't Tell Her It's Me Blu-ray Movie, Overall Score and Recommendation 

"Don't Tell Her It's Me" isn't sweet. It's borderline cruel, highlighting manipulative behavior and a strange disregard for the well-being of others. It's messy too, as the subplot highlighting Trout and Emily's relationship is largely eliminated from the picture, diminishing the reporter's confusion and possible projection as she pursues Lobo, giving her the romantic partner of her dreams. Perhaps on the page, Bird's imagination didn't register so harshly, permitted room to explore characters caught up in their own schemes and fears, generating a more natural sense of insanity. As a movie, "Don't Tell Her It's Me" nearly registers as a parody of the subgenre, going to extremes to provide a level of buttery escapism capable of delighting viewers. Sadly, sourness dominates the endeavor, which doesn't offer tingly ways of attraction, putting on a puzzling show of aggressive personalities, cold-blooded deception, and phony feelings instead.