Rating summary

Movie		2.5
Video		4.0
Audio		4.0
Extras		5.0
Overall		4.5

Don't Go in the Woods Blu-ray Movie Review

Reviewed by Brian Orndorf February 27, 2015

“Don’t Go in the Woods” is as close to a cinematic representation of a stroke as I’ve ever seen. The 1981 shocker seems like a cruel joke from director James Bryan, who, all fueled up on the slasher craze of the era, elected to try out his own take on the permissive subgenre, moving the action into the wilds of Utah mountain areas. Surrounding himself with friends and family, armed with script credited to Garth Eliassen, Bryan fights for some type of cinematic vision with “Don’t Go in the Woods” (sometimes known as “Don’t Go in the Woods…Alone!”), but filmmaking skill eludes the man. Stumbling through a series of casual kills with unidentified characters, the effort looks to chill viewers with displays of random violence and agony, but it mostly confuses in a way I’ve never seen from a horror picture. Without boundaries and sense, Bryan coughs up a greatest hits reel of pain, trying to pass off the wildly scattered results as some type of parody, but it’s mostly just nonsense, albeit periodically amusing nonsense.

Off on a weekend hiking trip through the mountains, Craig (James P. Hayden) is the responsible outdoorsman looking out for Joanne (Angie Brown), Peter (Jack McClelland), and Ingrid (Mary Gail Artz). All types of predators and dangers await the foursome, but nothing comes close to the deadly wrath of the Maniac (Tom Drury), a feral man who fiercely protects his territory, killing anyone who dares to trespass on his land. Picking off innocent vacationers, the Maniac turns his attention to Craig’s group, terrorizing them as they attempt to return to the comfort of society. Local cops, including the Sheriff (Ken Carter) and Deputy Benson (David Barth), are little help, mounting their own investigation into the matter, suspecting a bear is on the loose.

It’s important to establish that “Don’t Go in the Woods” is almost completely senseless, willingly avoiding the shackles of a story for as long as it possibly can. The only thing approaching a narrative is found with Craig and the hikers, with their weekend excursion rudely interrupted by the Maniac and his hunt for blood, forcing them into survival mode as they fumble around lost, hungry, and scared, picked off one by one. Most of “Don’t Go in the Woods” is devoted to slaughter sequences, though it’s mind-blowing how little thought Bryan has put into character, basically arranging for a parade of absolute strangers to stroll through the mountains, with their unavoidable death exploited to showcase some low-budget carnage. A bird watcher, landscape painter, and a pair of newlyweds about to consummate their union in a VW bus are hustled in and out of the picture with alarming speed, only introduced so the Maniac will have plenty to kill, finding Craig and the gang away from the action for long periods of time while Bryan dreams up ways to cut throats, walk people into swinging bear traps, and generally make a mess of the human body for the entertainment of all.

“Don’t Go in the Woods” is proudly pointless, stitched together from a series of filmmaking opportunities, not interested in following a path of suspense with interesting participants. The few pleasures of the feature come from its slapdash execution, finding Bryan having difficulty with continuity, characterization, and timing, giving the effort an ideal B-movie identity it wouldn’t otherwise possess if the helmer actually knew what he was doing. We’re treated to shapeless chase sequences through creeks and trails, witness half-hearted dissention in the group as Peter takes off on his own (Craig being a bossy Eagle Scout type), and follow the Sherriff’s attempts to search the area on the hunt for what he believes to be an aggressive bear mowing down victims. There are also excursions to the Maniac’s cabin home, finding the feral man preferring to decorate his dwelling with dead people and shredded sleeping bags, delivering a pronounced “Texas Chain Saw Massacre” atmosphere as a few luckless humans seek out refuge in the deadly abode, only to tangle with the beefy owner.

Bryan has gone on record stating that “Don’t Go in the Woods” is a dark comedy, but that feels like an excuse. Throughout the viewing experience, filmmaking seems random, not intentional, and the picture’s extended, excitable dubbing makes it appear like a “Gamera” sequel. Performances are generally lousy, but there’s fun in overheated reactions. I only wish Bryan had more direct shots of satire to back up his claim, with much of “Don’t Go in the Woods” playing like an amateurish mess that lucked into cult appreciation, with Bryan right there to take all the credit. He deserves an A for opportunism, but “Don’t Go in the Woods” isn’t the work of a mad genius. It’s barely a movie.

Don't Go in the Woods Blu-ray Movie, Video Quality 

The AVC encoded image (1.67:1 aspect ratio) presentation manages to bring "Don't Go in the Woods" to Blu-ray with impressive clarity -- a true feat considering all the technical and focal limitations of the original cinematography. It's an encouragingly filmic viewing experience, with heavy grain and a tasteful refreshing of colors, delivering deep red bloodshed and natural greens. Skintones also remain true. Blacks are adequate, handling evening sequences with passable delineation, and depths register as intended. Print shows considerable wear and tear, displaying scratches, speckling, and patch jobs, but it's amazing how strong this obscure movie looks here.

Don't Go in the Woods Blu-ray Movie, Audio Quality 

The 1.0 DTS-HD MA sound mix does have a slight problem with consistency, with the volume fluctuating throughout, requiring a little remote control to keep it all easy on the ears. With the entire picture's soundscape created in post-production, dialogue exchanges are defined to satisfaction, with all the nonsense easy to follow. Scoring is heavy, featuring a pleasing synth throb that never intrudes on the human element. And atmospherics are capable, keeping outdoor environments identified. Surges in violence, including victim screams, aren't pushed to uncomfortable extremes. Hiss and pops are detected.

Don't Go in the Woods Blu-ray Movie, Special Features and Extras 

• Commentary #1 features director James Bryan.

• Commentary #2 features Bryan, actress Mary Gail Artz, and two superfans.

• Commentary #3 features The Hysteria Continues.

• Featurette (56:43, SD) is a home production (dated around 2004-05) from Bryan, who collects interviews from cast and crew in their native environments or through visits to his own home. Video quality is rough, but it's fascinating to see most of the familiar faces 25 years after the release of the movie, sharing how they came to the project and what the on-set ambiance was like. Bryan is the host, doing a fine job ordering interviews and providing a few BTS pictures. While it's mostly a "where are they now?" event, some salient information on the creation of "Don't Go in the Woods" is shared.

• T.V. Promotion Compilation (14:14, SD) showcases a few stops from James Bryan and Tom Drury's promotional tour around local news programs, hoping to sell the hyper-violent effort to Utah audiences. The rehearsed banter is amusing to watch.

• Autograph Signing Party (29:27, SD) collects cast and crew to celebrate the DVD release of "Don't Go in the Woods" from roughly a decade ago. Interviews are conducted by a puppet, which is a good indicator of the featurette's tone.

• Production Stills collects 64 images of BTS work.

• Press Artwork collects 44 images from the press kit, newspaper ads, and publicity stills.

• Screenplay is offered.

• And a Theatrical Trailer (1:07, HD) is included.

Don't Go in the Woods Blu-ray Movie, Overall Score and Recommendation 

Violence is most important to Bryan, and "Don't Go in the Woods" has plenty of visits to the gore zone to help distract from focus problems, dull-spoon editing, and cruddy film stock. Make-up effects aren't sharp, but there is plentiful catastrophe. The score by H. Kingsley Thurber is maddeningly repetitive but not without its charms, adding a synth-based "Jaws" theme to signal oncoming disaster. The movie also deserves credit for the use of "pencil neck geek" as a putdown, sold with a straight face. True lunacy and basic storytelling eludes "Don't Go in the Woods," which fails to snowball into a heroic slasher, but clearly there's public appetite for ramshackle, nonsensical productions like this. For those brave souls, here's your "Titanic."