Rating summary

Movie		1.5
Video		3.0
Audio		3.0
Extras		0.5
Overall		1.5

Diamonds of Kilimandjaro Blu-ray Movie Review

Reviewed by Jeffrey Kauffman September 14, 2018

It can be hard differentiating between target audiences for some niche imprints, and while MVD’s newish MVD Classics line has brought out two Jess Franco films simultaneously, my hunch is even some diehard Franco aficionados would be hard pressed to call either of the releases “classics”, and as such both of these outings might fit just as comfortably in the often kind of cheesy genre confines that have typified another MVD Visual imprint, MVD Rewind. Both Diamonds of Kilimandjaro (which exists under several titles, include a slight variation of this very title in the credits of this very release) and Golden Temple Amazons share a number of similarities, not the least of which is a bevy of naked (or at least topless) women cavorting around in various jungles. Both films also offer what might be thought of as a “gender switch” take on certain elements of venerable enterprises like Tarzan (the character, not necessarily the linked version), with females raised in the wild and growing up to have relationships with chimps and/or frolic by swinging on vines between trees.

Here’s what I can authoritatively tell you about Diamonds of Kilimandjaro: there are a lot of gorgeous naked women running around in a jungle. Now there may indeed be more to the proceedings than that salient plot point, but I’d be hard pressed to actually decipher much of it, since the film (which, among other things, is actually somewhat hilariously called Diamonds for Kilimandjaro in its opening credits, as you can see in screenshot 9) is so haphazardly constructed that it’s almost an obstacle course of continuity mistakes, bad dubbing and incoherent dialogue.

Just the opening couple of minutes of the film may be more than enough to convince some viewers of its shortcomings. With sound editing and mixing that is so bad and inept I actually thought I had received a Blu-ray with a defective soundtrack, the opening few seconds of the film detail an impending private plane's crash, with intermittently overwhelming buzzing sounds interspersed with dialogue that can't really be heard. That then segues to a tribe that is watching the adventures of the plane in the sky, at which point the plane disappears over the horizon, a puff of smoke is seen and then somewhat hilariously an anemic sound effect indicating a crash comes along as a kind of sonic afterthought.

But, wait, you also get: the film has a really funny moment where just a few seconds of the tribe responding and rising to their feet to run to the crash site is inexplicably repeated, as if the story magically jumped back just a second or two for an "instant replay" of sorts. It actually didn't don on me until later (and, frankly, after I read the back cover of this release) that a young girl shown as a survivor of the crash grows up to be the heroine of this tale, Diana (Katja Bienert). Diana is raised in a cannibal cult that worships her as a goddess, but an expedition is sent in search of her and a priceless fortune. It's kind of a "nature vs. nurture" story going forward, as Diana has to choose between her atavistic tendencies to eat people and the fact that true love may have finally shown up.

It may sound curmudgeonly to point out that whatever preposition comes between the titular nouns, there's a relative lack of either diamonds or Kilimandjaro in the film, which offers a few clunkily shot and performed sex scenes interspersed with a number of silly expository scenes. There's never really any sense of either danger or even adventure in this largely laughable enterprise.

Diamonds of Kilimandjaro Blu-ray Movie, Video Quality 

Diamonds of Kilimandjaro is presented on Blu-ray courtesy of MVD Visual's MVD Classics imprint with an AVC encoded 1080p transfer in 1.85:1. The good news here is that this is a transfer that has obviously undergone no digital tweaking of any discernable kind, but the bad news is things might have benefited from at least a clean-up, as well as some balancing in terms of color temperature and (especially) contrast. The element utilized is in pretty shoddy shape, with near constant little nicks, scratches and flecks dotting the premises, along with occasionally misaligned frames and a few larger splotches. The opening half hour or so has some odd haziness that overlays several scenes and which tends to mask detail levels as well as giving blacks a pretty gray looking aspect. That situation improves in the middle section, but tends to recur again toward the end, especially in some scenes showing the native huts. There's also a lot of stock footage in the film (typically of wildlife), and that is often quite a bit more ragged looking. Grain is quite abundant and resolves naturally, though attains a kind of chroma anomaly aspect in a few dark scenes, especially toward the beginning of the film.

Diamonds of Kilimandjaro Blu-ray Movie, Audio Quality 

Diamonds of Kilimandjaro features an LPCM 2.0 mono track whose quality is kind of hard to separate from some really bad dubbing, mixing and editing on the soundtrack. As mentioned above, the opening couple of minutes are almost painful to sit through, with a really loud and stuttering buzzing noise that oddly kind of ping pongs between the right and left channels, but the whole soundtrack is dotted with sudden spikes in amplitude, spoken dialogue that comes nowhere near to matching lip movements, and a few moments that seem to have gotten cut off midsentence. There's quite a bit of hiss here as well, something that's especially noticeable in quieter moments.

Diamonds of Kilimandjaro Blu-ray Movie, Special Features and Extras 

• Trailers includes Diamonds of Kilimandjaro (480i; 2:31), in French, though even this spoken language doesn't seem to line up with any lip movements. There are also a handful of trailers for other MVD releases included.

Diamonds of Kilimandjaro Blu-ray Movie, Overall Score and Recommendation 

Diamonds of Kilimandjaro may provide a few, or maybe even more than a few, unintended laughs, but it's pretty haphazard and is further hampered by a badly done dub which includes some questionable mix choices. The element utilized here shows some fairly recurrent damage, and so fans are encourage to look over the screenshots to gain some idea of what this looks like.