Rating summary

Movie		1.5
Video		4.0
Audio		4.0
Extras		1.0
Overall		2.0

Dark House Blu-ray Movie Review

It's old, but not in a good way.

Reviewed by Jeffrey Kauffman March 7, 2014

When even the title of a film seems like a tired retread, there’s probably not much hope for the actual content of the outing, and that turns out to be the case with Dark House. Most horror fans will of course know about the iconic 1932 The Old Dark House, but there are lesser known movies bearing the exact same title, including two which were released in 2009. Ironically, this Dark House was evidently originally going to be called Haunted, certainly one of the more generic titles available and yet another indication of how cliché ridden this enterprise turns out to be. How many films have you seen where a young person has something mysterious in their past which their parent or guardian is attempting to keep shielded from them? But then that parent or guardian dies and a mysterious inheritance is bestowed on the kid, which in many cases leads him (or her in rare cases) to journey back to the site of their origin, ostensibly to solve this pressing mystery, but which ends up leading them directly to a spooky old mansion. Well, that’s more or less the exact plot of Dark House, so however many films you’ve seen with this premise, it’s time to add one more. Add in some supernatural hoo-hah (that’s a technical term, thank you very much), including some none too subtle references to Biblical demons of yore, and the whole thing is about as trite and predictable as they come. Why former British glamour queen Lesley-Anne Down would want to be associated with something this lo-fi is anyone’s guess, but perhaps former glamour queens can’t be that choosy about roles when they reach a certain age. At least she is spared the indignity of appearing much beyond an exalted cameo in the film’s opening moments.

Down is in fact the parent of hero Nick Di Santo (Luke Kleintank) and has been institutionalized for most of her adult life as the film opens. Nick (whose none too subtle surname is waiting there for you armchair etymologists) goes to visit her after not having seen her for years, and she attempts to tell him something about the father he never knew. When Nick touches his mother in a fit of rage, he’s suddenly beset with visions of an apocalyptic fire, and we’re introduced to the supposed “innovation” in this film: Nick is specially gifted, able to see how various people are going to die when he touches them. (Evidently writers Charles Agron and Victor Salva are hoping viewers won’t remember any number of similar conceits in various previous outings, including a well remembered episode of The Twilight Zone starring future Bewitched Darrin, Dick York.) Needless to say, Mom does indeed soon perish in a horrifying conflagration, but at least she leaves Nick some tantalizing clues about his parentage, and so the supposedly exciting quest begins.

After Nick’s unfortunate run in with his estranged mother, he goes out to celebrate his 23rd birthday, which may seem like an odd number, but which becomes fraught with occult significance, especially when Nick hooks up with a pretty young woman named (wait for it) Eve (Alex McKenna) who turns out to be fascinated with the number and recounts a barrage of trivia about it. Nick and Eve of course scurry back to his place for a one night stand which instantly blossoms into eternal love (as they’re lying there in afterglow, Nick suddenly starts telling Eve about all the weird things she’s going to hear about him, certainly a kind of bizarre post-coital chat for most people). This segment ends with the institution Nick’s mother is housed in going up in flames, at which point the film segues forward several months, where we find Eve is seriously pregnant. Nick is given a packet of papers by his mother’s attorney (erstwhile Barney Miller star Max Gail), which include pictures of a house which has haunted Nick’s dreams (and artwork—he is of course a talented painter) since he was a child. And guess what? There’s a deed in the packet, too!

That sets Nick, Eve and Nick’s best buddy Ryan (Anthony Rey Perez) off to search for the place. The town that is listed on the deed doesn’t seem to exist anymore, but the three finally stumble on a little burg where they’re of course cautioned by a bunch of odd looking locals who warn them that a flood destroyed the area twenty years previously and that the house Nick wants to find was obliterated—or was it? The three end up almost hitting a survey crew of three people (whose names will not be mentioned in the review since they’re purportedly part of one of the film’s supposed “twists”), one of whom (Zack Ward) thinks he knows where the house might be. And, gee, wouldn’t you know it, the guy actually does know where it is, at which point a demented stranger named Seth (Tobin Bell) appears at the front door, warning them all to get the hell out of there.

Suffice it to say that all is not as it appears, and some characters who appear to be up to no good are actually relatively benign, while others who appear to be allies turn out to be anything but, with the entire plot hinging on Nick’s “father” who is mysteriously sequestered underneath the house and can only communicate with his acolytes via heating ducts (this is not a typo). Dark House ends up being just plain silly, without any real scares, even given the expected amount of jump cuts with booming LFE and a couple of admittedly fairly gory special effects. They say the battle between good and evil is eternal, but in the case of Dark House, it feels more interminable than anything.

Dark House Blu-ray Movie, Video Quality 

Dark House is presented on Blu-ray courtesy of Flatiron Films and Cinedigm with an AVC encoded 1080p transfer in 2.39:1. Quite a bit of this film plays out in the very dark confines of the titular mansion, and probably by design there is a murky, low contrast appearance that depletes the image of much fine detail or even shadow detail. Some of the more brightly lit sequences reveal nice, accurate looking color and reasonable levels of fine detail. Aside from a couple of fairly grotesque effects, colors are often quite muted, however; this tendency only makes the pops of gruesome red in some of the bloodier moments all the more vivid, however.

Dark House Blu-ray Movie, Audio Quality 

Dark House's lossless DTS-HD Master Audio 5.1 mix provides the expected jolts from LFE accompanying jump cuts, and has some moments of excellent immersion, including a nice sequence when a bunch of axe wielding demons chase the heroes through the woods around the house. There's nice ambience in the ominous boom of Nick's father's voice as well. But generally speaking, this is a pretty talky horror film, and quite a bit of the sonic action here is limited to the front channels. Fidelity is excellent and dynamic range is rather wide, all things considered.

Dark House Blu-ray Movie, Special Features and Extras 

• The Making of Dark House (1080p; 20:44). What could be even more rote than Dark House? A completely standard EPK about the making of the film.

Dark House Blu-ray Movie, Overall Score and Recommendation 

You've seen just about everything in Dark House before in more effective films. This outing is like a paint by numbers approach toward horror, and unfortunately the portrait it offers ends up looking like a tired Xerox copy of a not very inspired original. Stick with The Old Dark House if you're looking for a film with "dark house" in its title.