Rating summary

Movie		1.0
Video		3.0
Audio		2.5
Extras		0.0
Overall		2.5

Cyclops Blu-ray Movie Review

"Sy-Clops" is one of the best unintentionally humorous movies ever made.

Reviewed by Martin Liebman December 15, 2009

Meeeeaaaaaat!

Though a terrible movie by every definition, Cyclops is oddly entertaining and highly watchable for its unique distinction as being absolutely putrid in every facet of its existence. It's easy to watch -- if only for the ensuing laughs -- for the epically bad acting, terrible special effects, absurd plot developments, poorly-conceived base story, and low-budget sets and props. Everything's on the cheap, and the allure comes not from any real redeeming value but rather in watching the whole thing unravel and reveal one of filmdom's all-time stinkers. Fortunately, Cyclops falls into that category where it's bad enough to enjoy; never does the film make one want to smash the television or cry out for mercy at the tediousness of a Sands of Oblivion or the doldrums of a Final Days of Planet Earth. Truly, Cyclops' ineptitude knows no bounds, but it's impossible to watch without bouts of extreme laughter; if nothing else, this makes for an excellent party movie to revel in just how epically bad yet oddly appealing a terrible movie can be.

It's a Cyclops!

It is the height of the Roman Empire. The wealthy gluttons rule over a poor lower class and slaves that fight for their freedom and very lives inside the bloody gladiator arenas. When a sniveling citizen reports the presence of a Cyclops outside the city limits, Emperor Tiberius (Eric Roberts) sends the soldier Marcus (Kevin Stapleton) to capture the beast. Marcus succeeds, though at the cost of several of his men, and is promoted to Tribune, but his greed for more property in addition to his new title sees him lose favor with the Emperor, and his title is subsequently stripped. Meanwhile, the Cyclops has become a citywide attraction. However, it soon breaks free of its chains and terrorizes Rome. Upon being re-captured, it is decided the beast shall go without food so it may have a dangerously ravenous appetite when it squares off with slaves in the gladiator arena. With Tiberius' lust for power at an all-time high, Marcus himself becomes a combatant in the arena, and his only hope for survival comes from an attempted bond with the vicious Cyclops in hopes of teaching the beast the difference between good and evil.

While Cyclops can be downright insulting to even audiences that aren't particularly picky about historical accuracy, the origins of monstrous legends, special effects, dialogue, and acting, there's something to be said for a movie that's so godawful as to be downright hilarious. Indeed, it takes a mere 30 seconds for Cyclops to show its true colors; a trio of bad actors, led by a character named "Menander" (a play on "meander?") shouts "it's a Cyclops!" as the beast stares them down and contemplates what he wants to drink with their tasty flesh. Captain Obvious survives to set the entire thing in motion so he can go back and warn the mighty Romans of the coming doom. Then, Rome's elite hit squad goes out in search of the monster; unfortunately, this is more like a keystone cops routine as the infantry can't even tickle Cyclops with their spears, and the archers, who appear to be no more than 15 or 20 yards away, miss their target by about 30 feet in every direction, except for one blind shot that hits Cyclops in the shoulder, a wound that's miraculously healed soon thereafter and for the remainder of the movie. It's a wonder the Roman Empire didn't collapse sooner if these sorts of characters were the best the Roman Legion had to offer. This is truly amateur-level stuff, but it's a laugh riot, and therein lies its redeeming value.

Such inconsistencies and constant blunders can be found throughout Cyclops' entire runtime, but if the film has one true downfall that's both harmful and fun at the same time, it's the abysmal acting that plagues every frame. It's bad enough that every lead actor delivers a performance worthy of a sixth-grade production, but it's the film's background characters -- random Roman guards, citizens walking the streets or taunting a CGI Cyclops, or spectators at the gladiator arena -- that look truly stupefied and out-of-place throughout. Additionally, and as expected of a Syfy Channel picture, the special effects are atrocious; the Cyclops never looks natural, whether scaling a wall, standing on a human, or simply roaming about the streets. In fact, Ray Harryhausen did a better Cyclops some 50 years ago in The 7th Voyage of Sinbad. Finally, the film's sound design is all over the place. Not only does the music take on a more Middle Eastern flair than something expected of a Roman-era period piece, but sound effects are awkward and misleading. Marcus' return to the city with a captured Cyclops is met with a loud and extensive audible cheer from what is presumably an adoring crowd. However, various shots reveal but only a few pedestrians moping about and definitely not cheering, let alone whooping it up as the soundtrack suggests. Cyclops is indeed amateur hour at the movies, but it's so bad it's good, one of cinemas true treasures of unintentionally hilarious moviemaking.

Cyclops Blu-ray Movie, Video Quality 

Cyclops gazes into Blu-ray and finds a decent 1080p, 1.78:1-framed transfer. Fine detail is solid throughout; garments and Roman armor in particular exhibit a nice, palpable texture. Additionally, the film's many Romanesque sets enjoy a fair amount of detail on worn columns and building façades. The 1080p transfer does bring out the phony nature of many of the props, notably swords and shields. Colors are nicely rendered, too, particularly the more colorful garb worn by Tiberius and other well-to-do Romans in the picture. The image also enjoys a fair sense of depth, and flesh tones never veer too far from a natural shade. The minuses are few; random white speckles appear intermittently, blacks can take on a slight gray tone, and some shimmering is visible in various distance CGI shots. All in all, Cyclops offers a good transfer, just not a great one, and not quite up to par with the absolute best Blu-ray currently has to offer. Still, it's easy on the eyes and quite good for the quality and nature of the film.

Cyclops Blu-ray Movie, Audio Quality 

This Blu-ray release of Cyclops delivers a Dolby Digital 5.1 soundtrack; no lossless or uncompressed mixes are included. Like the video, this soundtrack is fine for the quality of the material. As noted above, Cyclops' soundtrack features several instances of canned noise that plays as completely unnatural; whether a scene in a bar where Marcus receives his mission to capture the Cyclops or his return to the city with the beast in tow, the track spills the random din of the bar or the cheering crowds into the side speakers, but the result is an unnatural, cramped, and lifeless reproduction that doesn't jive with either the scene or the front-and-center dialogue. Fortunately, primary dialogue reproduction is never problematic. The track rarely delivers any kind of noteworthy sound effects, though the Cyclops' heavy breathing is accompanied by a subtle yet pleasant low end that adds some weight and power to the creature's ungainly physical structure and poorly-rendered CGI appearance. Otherwise, this is a no-frills soundtrack, and the only strong surround action occurs later in the film when crowds cheer on the gladiators inside the arena, and such effects suffer from the same cramped and unnatural feel as earlier segments. All told, Cyclops' soundtrack suits the material, though audiophiles will find this one wholly underwhelming.

Cyclops Blu-ray Movie, Special Features and Extras 

This Blu-ray release of Cyclops contains neither special features nor a menu.

Cyclops Blu-ray Movie, Overall Score and Recommendation 

Cyclops has no redeeming value save for its mastery of unintentionally humorous cinema. Indeed, the movie is a laugh riot, even if it seems to expect of its audience to take it all seriously in a breathless, edge-of-the-seat sort of way. Horrendous acting, terrible sound design, a goofy script, and the expectedly bargain-basement special effects make Cyclops one of the lesser Syfy Channel offerings. Still, it's definitely worth watching (and worthy of repeat viewings) as the perfect elixir for any situation that calls for 90 minutes of uncontrollable laughter. This Starz Blu-ray release offers acceptable picture and sound quality, but no extras. However, it does earn a couple of bonus points tacked onto the final score for the film's ability to elicit a laugh at every turn. The movie is terrible, yes, but it also comes with a hearty tongue-in-cheek recommendation!