Conan the Barbarian 3D Blu-ray Movie

Rating summary

Movie		2.5
Video		4.5
Audio		5.0
Extras		3.5
Overall		3.5

Conan the Barbarian 3D Blu-ray Movie Review

Conan doesn't pop in 3D either...

For a film released in 3D, director Marcus Nispel's Conan the Barbarian is as flat, lifeless and one-dimensional as big screen fantasy actioners come. In his review of the 2D Blu-ray release, my colleague Jeff Kauffman had this to say: "The problem with this Conan is whether or not you've watched the Ah-nold version, you've seen this film before. It takes about every well-worn cliché and mixes them together in a none too satisfying stew that is bloody, gruesome and uninvolving. All of that said, the film is absolutely sumptuous to watch, and there's little doubt that Nispel, despite having made a career out of critically panned remakes, has an incredible eye. It's hard to outright recommend a movie this uninspired and rote, but if you're interested in eye candy with some decent special effects and a boisterous soundtrack, this might make for a decent evening's rental." My review, though, will focus primarily on the the film's post-conversion, the subsequent 3D experience and the 3D presentation featured on this release.

Conan the Barbarian 3D Blu-ray Movie, Video Quality 

Conan's assault on Blu-ray 3D is as sporadic and uneventful as the film itself, although it's important to note that the vast majority of the issues that plague its 1080p/MVC-encoded presentation trace back to the film's post-conversion and source, not Lionsgate's video transfer. Some exceedingly minor banding and ringing are the only two knocks against the encode, and neither one is problematic or distracting enough to warrant anything more than a shoulder-shrug and a passing mention. No, the real disappointment comes when you slip on your 3D glasses and realize you're in for yet another uninspired, underwhelming post-conversion misfire. Few shots pop and even fewer scenes exhibit the level of convincing depth and dimensionality that might have been if Conan were shot in native 3D. Swords thrust into the foreground, metal claws extend toward the viewer, horses charge, villagers flee and warriors leap into the fray... so how is it that so little pierces or penetrates the screen? The film's sand-stripped sepia tones, stormy amber skies and shadowcast lairs foil the 3D conversion's best efforts, darkness continually flattens the image, and the tint of the 3D glasses only exacerbates the dullness and dimness that sometimes lords over the experience. It isn't a complete loss -- thanks in large part to an excellent technical transfer that preserves every nick, scar and bloody bit of bone Nispel has to give -- but it is wholly unremarkable. I came away with the distinct feeling that I had just watched a 2D film while wearing 3D glasses. Oh, there are sequences that look much better than others, chief among them a high noon attack on a band of slavers and a short sun-bathed jaunt at sea, but there are also sequences that come apart at the seams; chaotic fights and chases that only made the conversion artists' work that much more difficult. (And, in some cases, near-impossible.)

Even so, depth isn't absent, just average. Dimensionality isn't hampered, just slightly unnatural. The downside to many of these conversion efforts is that their quality relies so heavily on the time, budget and work schedule their artists are handed. Conan doesn't look like a 3D rush-job, but it also doesn't look like it was given everything it needed to rise above the competition. Fortunately, other aspects of the presentation fare better. Thomas Kloss' Hyborian hues border on monochromatic at times, but they're as effective and evocative as he and Nispel intended. Black levels are rich and inky, contrast is consistent (albeit a tad dreary), and detail rarely flounders. Fine textures are crisp and refined, edges are sharp and satisfying, and closeups and midrange shots showcase every speck of blood, grime, sand and mud on tap. Significant artifacting, noise, aliasing and crush are nowhere to be found, and what minimal softness or smearing there is should be attributed to the original photography and Nispel's post-production tinkering rather than some mysterious application of DNR added at the behest of Lionsgate. Conan's 3D and 2D presentations are precise and proficient, meaning any criticism should be aimed at the appropriate target: the film's post-conversion, not the studio's encode.

Conan the Barbarian 3D Blu-ray Movie, Audio Quality 

From Jeffery Kauffman's review: "Conan the Barbarian's lossless DTS-HD Master Audio 7.1 mix finally provides this film some of the pure fun it's missing in other ways, starting right off the bat with the Lionsgate logo, which has chunky mechanical noises and a few squeaks and creaks populating the surrounds, seemingly more so than usual. That's just the tip of the sonic iceberg, for once the film starts, there's a virtual nonstop array of fantastic effects zinging through the soundfield. The opening battle scene has widely splayed sounds as the battle dies down, and there's some wonderful attention to detail with even the smaller effects, like the slight breeze that rustles through the scene. Action scenes are awash in discrete channelization with lots of bright and precise metal sounds as sword meets sword. Some of the quasi-martial arts hand to hand sequences also feature some extremely well placed punches and thumps. Probably the most impressive sequence is the climactic one which has Tamara tethered to a giant sacrificial disc that ends up plummeting toward a chasm filled with lava (doesn't that always happen?). When the disc falls, it clatters to earth with absolutely awesome LFE, with some added punch first on the left channel and then on the right as it settles into place. That same approach happens as Conan and Zym fall to either side of the disc as their epic battle continues. Fidelity is incredible on this track, with some surprisingly supple dynamic range. Dialogue is clear and extremely well prioritized in the mix, which can get quite busy in the action sequences."

Conan the Barbarian 3D Blu-ray Movie, Special Features and Extras 

• Audio Commentary with Director Marcus Nispel: Prevailing silence and long pauses render Nispel's commentary far less engaging than it might otherwise have been. He certainly has a handle on everything he hoped to accomplish with Conan, but I couldn't shake the feeling that he wasn't entirely pleased with how it all came out. He stops short of apologizing, and has wonderful things to say about his cast and crew. He just doesn't seem as passionate about the film as he does when it comes to Robert E. Howard's swordsman and stories.
• Audio Commentary with Actors Jason Momoa and Rose McGowan: Momoa and McGowan, on the other hand, keep things lively from start to finish, and made me laugh out loud on more than one occasion. Their commentary chemistry made me wish they shared more scenes on screen, and their conversation is easily the most entertaining thing on the disc.
• The Conan Legacy (HD, 18 minutes): Nispel and key members of his crew discuss Howard's Conan, his evolution over the decades, and the responsibility the filmmakers felt in bringing the Hyborian barbarian back to the big screen for 21st century audiences.
• Robert E. Howard: The Man Who Would Be Conan (HD, 11 minutes): An all-too-short look at the life and career of Conan's creator. A more extensive documentary would have been ideal, but its better than nothing.
• Battle Royal: Engineering the Action (HD, 10 minutes): Chases, clashes, throwdowns, monster attacks and underground battles, courtesy of Nispel and his team.
• Staging the Fights (HD, 6 minutes): A series of pre-visualizations and rehearsal footage round out the featurettes.
• Theatrical Trailer (HD, 2 minutes)

Conan the Barbarian 3D Blu-ray Movie, Overall Score and Recommendation 

Nispel's Conan the Barbarian falls flat, as does its 3D presentation. Though backed by a technically proficient video transfer, the 3D experience itself doesn't justify its own existence, sitting on the screen rather than leaping off it. Thankfully, the Blu-ray release at least justifies its cost with an excellent encode, a chest-thumping DTS-HD Master Audio 7.1 surround track and a decent assortment of special features. Unless you absolutely, positively must own every 3D release on the market, I'd suggest basing your 2D/3D buying decision on price. Currently, the 3D version is a bit more expensive, although not by much. Go with your gut, rent when in doubt and see if Nispel's Conan slays you or leaves you content.