Rating summary

Movie		1.5
Video		4.0
Audio		3.0
Extras		2.5
Overall		2.5

Cat Run Blu-ray Movie Review

"Put the gun away, child. You'll hurt yourself."

Reviewed by Kenneth Brown June 21, 2012

Run. Fight. Survive. Three invaluable pieces of advice when watching Cat Run, a patchwork misfire posing as a dark crime caper in the vein of Snatch or Smokin' Aces. It isn't in the same league as either one, though, or really any of the films it wants to be when it grows up. Its assassins, private detectives and corrupt politicians are clumsy clichés and dim-witted caricatures, its gunplay and fist fights are limp, its script is a mess, its story is convoluted and unwieldy, its ultra-violence pinballs between sick and silly, its comedy flatlines, and it utterly fails to distinguish itself from the dozens of direct-to-video genre mashups that line the bottom of the bargain bin at Walmart. Director John Stockwell and producer Bill Perkins, at least according to their audio commentary, would say I just didn't get it, but sorry gents, there isn't that much to get. They would say I missed the point of what was meant to be a "gonzo" action romp, but there isn't much of a point to miss. At its best, Cat Run aims too high and hits too low. At its worst, it fires into the crowd indiscriminately and hits whatever it can.

Vega is deadly serious. The movie? Not so much.

When single mother and high class escort Catalina Rona (Paz Vega, Sex and Lucia) witnesses a brutal massacre and lives to tell about it, she lands herself on the hit list of the man behind the crime: crooked U.S. Senator William Krebb (Christopher McDonald, Requiem for a Dream). Cat has little hope of surviving the likes of ice-cold killer Carver (Karel Roden, Hellboy), prim Mary Poppins assassin Helen Bingham (Janet McTeer, Tideland) and deranged Scottish hitman Sean Moody (Tony Curran, Gladiator)... until, that is, she hires bumbling losers-turned-private-detectives Anthony Hester (Scott Mechlowicz, Eurotrip) and Julian Simms (Alphonso McAuley, Glory Road) who, against all odds, help keep her one step ahead of Krebb's vicious goon squad. Oh, did I mention the triple amputee (D.L. Hughley, The Hughleys) that shows up, cracks a few jokes, battles a master assassin, sword to stump, and lives to fight another day? I didn't? Sorry kids, it's just that kinda movie.

When striking a balance between action and dark comedy fails, Stockwell, Perkins and screenwriters Nick Ball and John Niven toss balance by wayside and go for broke. An amputee leaps, spins and stands his ground in a fist fight with a highly trained assassin. A sniper uses specially tipped rounds to make her rivals' heads swell up and pop. A British hitter keeps carefully compartmentalized tea supplies in her luggage. A killer shoves a gun in an infant's mouth. A lobby full of Siegfried and Roy hopefuls inadvertently save our hapless detectives from the ruthless nanny that has them cornered in a hotel room. A ludicrously well-endowed hero lifts his kilt to distract a pair of armed gunmen with his God-given (CG-enhanced) equipment. Knives fly, blood spurts, gratuitous nudity flourishes, and bodies pile up. But there's no real style to be had. Title cards splashed with mafioso nicknames and quick bios introduce each character, none of whom you'll come to care about in the least. Looney Tunes slapstick gives way to madcap blood-n-guts which, in turn, gives way to flaccid drama and even more erratic comedy. And the more slapdash nonsense Stockwell and company throw into the mix, the more it all feels disjointed and arbitrary.

What little story weathers Stockwell and Perkins' haphazard lunacy is buried beneath aimless subplot after aimless subplot, stilted chase scene after stilted chase scene, and stiff action beat after stiff action beat. Cat Run isn't lacking on-screen talent either. Yes, Vega essentially pulls off an unintentional Penelope Cruz impression, Mechlowicz does a mean Brad Pitt, McTeer puts on her best Helen Mirren, and on and on and on. But the cast isn't a joke. Vega and McTeer are respectable, award-winning actresses, Roden and McDonald have plenty of villains under their belts, and no one is out of their depth. (Except maybe Hughley, who really, really tries.) No, it's the script that bears the brunt of the blame, as well as Stockwell's decision to prioritize improv over meticulously crafted genre dialogue. The end result is cobbled together from so many different visions of what the film could be that it never amounts to what it should have been, whatever that might be. Stockwell certainly means well, as his commentary attests, but between Dark Tide and Cat Run, the Blue Crush director seems to be in a slump. (Not that his early films are that much better.) Cat Run is all over the place, gonzo or no, and never takes the time to slow down, take a breath, and make sure its audience has any interest in keeping up.

Cat Run Blu-ray Movie, Video Quality 

Aside from some minor banding and slight intermittent artifacting, Cat Run's 1080p/AVC-encoded video transfer is easily the highlight of the release. Jean-François Hensgens' East European location photography is awash with overripe primaries, lovely on-the-run skintones, and bleak criminal-underworld blues and grays. Contrast is consistent even when the palette shifts, black levels are homicidally deep (barring a handful of exceptions), and delineation is reasonably revealing. Detail doesn't disappoint either. Fine textures are decently resolved, edges are nice and crisp on the whole, and closeups tend to shine. The image isn't going to blow anyone away, but for a direct-to-video actioner, the presentation is solid. Better still, noise and crush, while apparent from time to time, are contained, aliasing and significant macroblocking are held at bay, and there aren't any serious technical issues to contend with. Long story short, Cat Run looks pretty good, not to mention a great deal better than I expected.

Cat Run Blu-ray Movie, Audio Quality 

The film's DTS-HD Master Audio 5.1 surround track, though, is a letdown. For all the over-the-top action, violence and lunacy it hurls at the screen, Cat Run limps along thanks to front-heavy sound design, a terribly hit-or-miss soundfield, and little support where it counts. LFE output drives the shoot-em-up home... sometimes. For the most part, it gets by without much kick or, really, much effort at all. The rear speakers, meanwhile, light up one minute and go dark the next, choosing which scenes they're apart of by, I don't know, lottery. When they're fully engaged, they bring some life to the soundscape. But that isn't nearly often enough as packed parties, bustling beaches, and crowded city streets fall flat and sit idly by. Dialogue is clean, clear and carefully prioritized, so there's that, but even it seems to struggle to exist within the various environments Catalina frequents. The acoustics of a small apartment sound strikingly similar to those of a larger mansion ballroom, and the inside of a car isn't much different from the inside of a cafe. Still, Cat Run's lossless track is serviceable and, for all intents and purposes, technically sound. Suffice it to say, mediocre sound design means this is about as good as it gets.

Cat Run Blu-ray Movie, Special Features and Extras 

• Audio Commentary: Director John Stockwell and producer Bill Perkins pull few punches, criticizing their own decisions, pointing out mistakes, and openly discussing tough calls they made at the last minute as readily as they compliment their cast and crew. They're still proud of their work and the end result, but I was relieved that I didn't have to sit through two hours of self-serving praise. The commentary itself is comprised of production anecdotes, detailed scene-by-scene breakdowns, reasonable defenses, technical overviews and light, self-deprecating humor, all delivered in a breezy, amiable chat that's much more enjoyable than the film.
• Behind the Scenes (HD, 15 minutes): If you're a fan of back-patting, Cat Run's behind-the-scenes featurette will be more to your liking. If you have any love of the film, this brief rundown is worth watching. If not, the commentary will suffice.
• Deleted Scenes (SD, 15 minutes): A series of wisely cut deleted scenes without a single standout.

Cat Run Blu-ray Movie, Overall Score and Recommendation 

Cat Run didn't make me laugh, and not because I didn't get the jokes. It didn't make me squirm, and not because I'm desensitized to its brand of shock-em violence. It didn't draw me in at all, and not because I needed sleep or had better things to do. It was just that bad. Universal's Blu-ray release is better -- mainly due to its able-bodied video transfer -- but only just. Its DTS-HD Master Audio 5.1 surround track offers little and its supplemental package offers even less. (It says something when the best thing about a film is its audio commentary.) Rent it if you must. Watch it if you dare. Skip it if you know what's good for you.